Hidden Desires
by destielshipper
Summary: AU: Castiel is in an unhappy marriage with a "dirty" secret. In a moment of madness he goes to rent boy Dean Winchester for one night of passion which leads to a complicated mess and path towards something amazing but full of choices.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes the path of love or true love is difficult, it's full of complications, mistakes but eventually you see the light at the end of it.

Castiel Novak didn't take risks, he didn't trouble himself in games and he stuck to the rules. He worked a simple job as a waiter in a café in Lawrence, Kansas; it was a tiring job full of rude customers but thankfully had found the friendship of Joanna Harvelle so it was more bearable.

Coming from a religious family did no good for Castiel who was practically raised from birth to believe in God, Heaven, Hell and the Bible. At the age of 24 he in his mind was forced into the marriage with Anna Milton. Castiel loved Anna but he wasn't in love with her, he found no spark, no pleasure and no recognition with his own wife. He married Anna in a small ceremony with his father, Chuck, and his two brothers, Michael and Gabriel sat in the front row.

Michael and his father were proud of him and proud he was marrying a Christian girl; Gabriel on the other hand knew of Castiel's "secret" and strongly despised the situation along with Castiel. That was more than half a year ago and now both Castiel and Anna were stuck in a 7 month marriage that had already gone stale and dry but neither one of them faced it.

Castiel looked over to Anna as they lay in bed together one morning in the middle of March and reached out stroking along the bright red hair he loved very much. He let out a small sigh sitting up and twirled the wedding ring around his finger aimlessly.

"Another day" he whispered glancing to the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was nearly half past 7 and he craved a morning coffee. He padded out of the room quietly scanning around the silent house apart from the tick of the clock; he shivered feeling the emptiness and depression of the place he called home. Castiel switched on the coffee folding his arms across his chest tightly.

He stared into space not noticing the magazine in front of him until he looked down and raised an eyebrow in surprise. A young man in his twenties posed completely naked, all muscles, toned and held a dangerous smirk. Castiel stared at the photo feeling his stomach flip and dance at the mere sight of a naked man. He panicked throwing it down and moved away to stare out at the morning daylight. Castiel breathed in and out quickly fighting down the urges inside him which he had held since a teenager.

College was the first time Castiel knew that something was wrong with him, something immoral and sinful. Girls did nothing for him, he had looked, watched and thought about them but they did nothing sexual for him. Castiel then thought of the lads in his college and something inside him breathed out in relief at the thoughts and his cock twitched to the thought.

Castiel was ashamed but now he had started thinking of lads, he couldn't stop. He knew he was gay and it terrified him. Castiel often prayed at night praying to be redeemed, stop these sinful thoughts, but he was never answered. So one time at a party he attended with high school friend, Uriel, Castiel got very, very, drunk and caught the eye of an attractive boy in the year above him.

Castiel couldn't remember much apart from the pleasure of having this senior pushing him down onto the bed and stripping him bare, kissing him all over and sucking him off till he was screaming. After that night Castiel couldn't get enough and couldn't stop himself, he bought magazines that he hid under his bed, kissed random boys behind bike sheds and often found himself agreeing to go home with them on nights out.

It eventually stopped when Gabriel caught him one time with a lad near the house, Castiel was mortified and even though Gabriel was shocked, he supported him. After that Castiel stopped, he threw away the magazine and stopped going out, he devoted himself to his faith and being a good man for his family and his then girlfriend, Anna.

Castiel opened his eyes looking down to his fists clenched tightly and breathed out feeling his insides scream in longing and need, how he longed to be kissed, held, fucked till he came so hard and so long he blacked out.

"Hey" Anna said in a whisper making him jump and turn around.

"Good morning, coffee?"

"Please" she said with a small smile wrapping her dressing gown around her form and turning on the central heating. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, you?" he said pulling another cup out.

"No, I had nightmares"

Castiel turned towards her concerned. "What they were about?"

"I don't remember" she said picking up a letter on the side and throwing it down. "I'm going to get ready for work"

Castiel nodded watching her wander back into the office. Anna worked as a personal assistant in town for a man called Zachariah Grace. Castiel hated the man for making Anna work so hard her eyes had permanent bags over them. He also hated the way she shut him out and never spoke to him about stuff that was troubling her. He looked down to the magazine again and swallowed tossing it into the trash muttering a prayer under his breath.

~0~

"You look like shit" Jo commented to him as he strolled into her and smiled.

"Thank you, Jo" he replied walking into the back and hanging his coat up. Jo followed through waving to Ash, the cook, as she went by and stood near him.

"Cas…"

"Jo, please don't bring up Saturday night" he murmured wrapping the apron around him.

"Cas! You practically told me your whole life story and you expect me to just forget? You're unhappy in a loveless marriage like the fricken olden days, Castiel" Jo protested watching him wander around finding his pad.

"I love her" he commented finding it and pocketing it quickly.

"Yes but you're not in love with her, Cas, wait!" she said when he went to walk out. "You know what you are even if you won't admit it to yourself"

"I know but what can I do? I am a married man!" he hissed back to her moving to leave again when she grabbed his wrist.

"Break the rules, you did it once"

"What? That is adultery, Jo" he said horrified.

"I know! But who says she will find out? Here" she said slipping him a small piece of cardboard. "I mix in weird circles but this guy here is well…you know…and well one night, Cas, one night of pure mindless sex…"

Castiel hushed her shoving her back inside and closing the door alarmed.

"You want me to cheat on my own wife with a whore?"

"He isn't a whore! He's a rent boy and just one night, get rid of them urges you were telling me about and it's done, you'll never see him again. Think about it" Jo said with a small smile opening the door and walking out.

Castiel stared at the white wall ahead of him in shocked horror. The card shook in his shaking hand and he stared down at the name and number.

"Dean Winchester" he read in a small voice and pocketed it biting his lip.

His Tuesday morning was filled with his regulars demanding coffee, breakfast, and the usual beverages. He worked through it quietly ignoring the pointed stares off Jo as they worked together. He looked up at the time when it hit 12.30pm and sighed in relief going out back to eat his lunch. He sat on one of the chairs looking to his phone to see no messages, no missed calls and sighed feeling more alone than ever.

"Did you throw it away?" Jo enquired standing at the door.

"No" he muttered looking up at the sky. "Why did you give it to me?"

"Maybe because I'm concerned and you need to live a little! Seriously, my heart broke for you last Saturday"

"I am never going drinking with you again"

Jo smirked raising an eyebrow moving outside and inhaling deeply.

"When was the last time you were with a man?"

"Jo" he hissed looking around nervously.

"Oh be quiet! No one will hear me" she said rolling her eyes.

"Before I was married"

"So you haven't been with a man in seven months?"

"No" he muttered opening his drink and sipping it for comfort.

"So why not test it? It's one night and you already cheated on her while dating her with other men so why not test it one more time for the truth"

"With a rent boy?"

"Dean will take care of you"

Castiel stared at her sincere eyes and scoffed.

"This is insanity"

"I am giving you the push here, Cas, but you don't have to do it! Rip it up and forget I ever said anything" Jo suggested crossing her arms defensively.

Castiel scowled looking away and ignoring her smug smile.

"Call him after work" she said walking back inside and shouting to her mum, Ellen Harvelle, his and her boss that she would be one minute. He pulled out the card and swallowed tracing over it with his thumb feeling a flutter of nerves in his stomach, could he do this?

5pm hit thankfully for the lot of them as Ellen thanked them all for another good day of work and left with Jo and Ash.

"It's your decision, Castiel" Jo said lingering behind as he stopped on the pavement. He pulled out his phone and blinked in surprise to see one message on his screen. He opened it up and his face dropped in disappointment.

_Babe, Zach is keeping me behind tonight._

_I'll be late, don't wait up._

_Anna. X_

Castiel deleted the message and pulled out the card contemplating his life choices and dialled in the number quickly. It rang twice and he was about to hang up when a voice answered.

"Civil Agency" a cool voice answered.

"Oh I think I have the wrong…"

"No you don't sweetheart, who do you want?"

"Dean Winchester" he answered in a croaky voice.

"Ah popular choice, okay, do you know Pinewood apartments?"

"Yes" he said looking down the street.

"Apartment 32, can I have your name?"

"Jim" he lied.

"Jim, he'll be expecting you and make sure to pay first darling" she said in an amused voice and Castiel heard the click of the phone and swallowed pocketing his phone.

"Oh what am I doing?" he whispered climbing into his little car and checking his wallet for money. He drove down the street and took a quick left into a bunch of apartments and blinked surprised to how nice they were. Castiel climbed out and looked around for the number 32 and swallowed seeing it upstairs, he climbed the stairs and hovered outside closing his eyes.

"God forgive me" he whispered knocking and stepping back.

The door opened and his breath was taken away for a moment as he looked at him. Short brown hair, a good physique, the looks of a model and the most brilliant green eyes he had seen.

"Jim" he said with a smirk.

"Yes" he whispered nervously.

"First time?"

Castiel nodded still staring at him and bit his lip. Dean followed the action and opened the door wider letting him in. Castiel walked in looking around the apartment and blinked in surprise expecting it to be filthy, seedy, and the typical look of a hooker but found it pleasantly clean, light and the way a home should be.

"So…Jim, what do you want?"

"I don't know" he said hiding his hands in his pockets looking at the floor and back up to him.

"$100 for it all" he said with a small smile.

Castiel pulled out his wallet nervously and checked the contents. "I have $70"

Dean clucked his cheek observing him up and down stepping closer staring into his eyes.

"Done, it's a good job you're pretty and this is your first time doing this" he murmured taking the money and pocketing it. Castiel shifted feeling uncomfortable but couldn't stop staring into the warmth of his eyes.

"We'll take it slow" Dean murmured shrugging his trench coat off his back and throwing it on the couch as he glanced down and raised an eyebrow.

"Naughty" he said holding up his hand.

"Please don't mention it"

"I won't, Jim"

"Castiel" he said quickly making him look up and smile amused.

"I knew it was fake…Castiel? Strange name" he murmured curiously pulling his t-shirt off and throwing it over his shoulder. Castiel closed his eyes inhaling in shakily when Dean smoothed his hands down his chest and over his ribs.

"Don't worry, you're in my hands"

~0~

Dean was not expecting this. When the agency called to tell him a "Jim" was coming, he expected a middle aged old man but not this, not a gorgeous looking man in mid-twenties all eager and nervous. His heart leapt when he took him in and learnt his real name, they never tell him.

Castiel stared up at him looking at the plump pink lips longingly and wandered what they would taste like. Dean noticed his staring and before he could think pressed them against his in a hard kiss. Castiel groaned at the pressure and feeling of another man kissing him hard and forcing his tongue into his mouth. Dean felt the groan vibrating in his mouth and chest giving his cock a twitch of interest as Castiel's skilled tongue met his in a heated fight. Clothes were shed quicker than he anticipated and Dean shoved him towards the bedroom pulling away from the red lips and kissing his exposed throat. Castiel whimpered feeling heat run around in his body and moaned feeling the bed underneath him as Dean pushed him down reclaiming his lips.

Dean slid between his thighs and moved from his mouth kissing down his chest relishing the sounds escaping Castiel's mouth.

"Fuck!" Castiel hissed when he latched onto his nipple sucking and teasing it gently before moving down to his ribs grazing his teeth across the creamy skin. Castiel groaned biting his lip feeling a sweat break out across his body as he arched in longing feeling the stickiness of Dean sticking to him also. Dean smirked moving down and pulling back looking down to his groin, he bit his lip and looked up to Castiel with a mischievous look in his eye.

Castiel looked back and Dean couldn't stop the low moan at seeing the lust blown in those blue eyes, Dean couldn't quite get over how blue they actually were.

He nuzzled the skin above kissing along the perfect v section of his pelvis and up to his thighs kissing the inner skin. Castiel wriggled feeling his hot breath, his stubble and his lips move up and down his inner thighs.

"D-Dean" Castiel cried clutching the sheet.

"Okay" Dean said spreading his legs wider and moving off to get the lube and condom. Dean ripped it open with his teeth making Castiel bite his lip at the action as he put the condom on and squirted lube onto his fingers stroking the entrance.

"Oh!" Castiel cried as his fingers entered inside him. Dean scissored his fingers inside him widening the hole watching Castiel moan and wriggle on the bed.

"Dean please" he begged looking up to him with wild hair and a flushed face.

Dean smirked grabbing his hips and staring down at him as he pushed inside him with one slow thrust. Castiel opened his mouth in a silent shout and cried out as he pushed into the hilt.

"You okay?"

"Y-yes" he said breathlessly closing his eyes not realising how much he had actually missed this. Castiel wrapped his legs awkwardly around his hips as Dean leaned down kissing him hard and thrusting his hips into him and sliding in and out of the hole quickly. Castiel brought his hands up hesitantly to his shoulders gripping it tight and squeezing his eyes shut as Dean thrusted into him over and over again. The pressure was building inside him and he longed to have him touch him there but knew he wouldn't. Castiel grasped his own cock sliding his hand up and down in time with his thrusts feeling the clench of his balls and his moans filling the air.

With a long cry Castiel climaxed between them squirting white fluid into his hand and onto their stomachs, Dean quickly followed stilling on top of him moaning into his shoulder as he climaxed and filled the condom. Castiel couldn't help but feel the difference and frowned wanting to feel it inside him but simply drew in a breath looking to Dean. Dean raised himself up onto his hands and pulled out kneeling up, Dean removed the condom tying it up and throwing it into the bin.

Castiel moaned at the loss but closed his eyes still feeling his orgasm inside him.

"How was that?"

"Amazing" he breathed staring up at him as Dean dropped down with a nod.

"You telling me the truth when you say it's your first time doing this?"

"This is my first time with a…" he said gesturing at him.

Dean nodded running a hand into his hair and tilting his head observing it. "I like your sex hair"

"Thank you" Castiel murmured bashful. Dean nodded watching him shift up wincing a little and move over pulling on his underwear and jeans.

"Here" Dean said pulling open his drawer and passing him a card. "This is my personal number; it means you don't have to go through Lillian at the agency"

"Are you sure?"

"Oh don't worry, I'll tell them anyway, but call me on that and I'll be there"

"Really?" Castiel murmured staring down at it.

"Anytime"

Castiel nodded stepping up and walking into the living room collecting his coat and t-shirt.

"Let me guess, you regret it?" Dean called to him following him in.

Castiel stared down at his wedding ring and knew he should turn around and say yes but it wasn't, it felt so right and he hadn't had sex that good in months. Sex with Anna felt like more of a chore than anything and he hated himself for thinking it but sex with this man, this Dean was amazing and the best orgasm he had had in a good while.

"Yes" he lied but knew Dean could see the lie in his eyes.

"Call me anytime, Castiel" he said shoving his hands into his jeans staring at his flushed face, excited eyes and rosy lips. Castiel nodded quickly opening the door and slamming it shut behind him feeling the cold wind hit him suddenly.

Dean stared at the door and frowned feeling something stir inside him, something unusual and foreign like he didn't want this unusual, married but gorgeous man to leave his flat. Dean couldn't deny the sex was good and he was clearly skilled but lacking in some areas and for once in his life hoped he called again.

~0~

Castiel opened the front door and slid inside the empty hallway. He shut the door and pulled off his coat hanging it up getting a whiff of cologne and sex. His stomach stirred along with his groin and he climbed the stairs towards his bedroom poking his head through the bedroom door to see no one there and sighed.

Castiel moaned a little at the pain climbing into bed and under the covers feeling his heartbeat in his ears. His heart raced and his breathing quickened feeling the guilt settle in. He had cheated on his wife with another man; he turned restlessly into the pillow and felt tears sting his eyes.

"What have I done?" he whispered clinging to the cushion and trembling all over as he pictured Dean over him and knew he wanted it again and again.

**A/N: Here we go! Another story! **

**You know the drill, feedback and reviews would really help so I can continue it.**


	2. Chapter 2

The guilt settled inside him the next morning when he turned over to see Anna sleeping next to him and traced a hand over her cheek.

"I'm sorry" he whispered pulling his hand away and climbing out wincing a little at the pain in his groin. It held a heavy reminder that would stay with him all day constantly reminding him of his deceit. He walked downstairs and into the kitchen to get his morning coffee closing his eyes wanting to forget but not being able to.

The walk to work was peaceful till he entered work and was met with Jo in his personal space.

"Can I not walk into work anymore without you badgering me?" Castiel murmured shoving past her and into the back nodding at Ellen who was at the till.

"No you can't! Now tell me…did you?"

"Yes"

"Seriously? Did you pay?"

"$70 and yes, seriously" he replied hanging his coat up and leaning against the wall. "I have cheated on my wife with a hooker"

"It was one night and it meant nothing to either of you…did it?"

"It was the best night since my marriage" he said turning to look at her. Jo nodded folding her arms across her chest and staring down at the floor.

"I suggested it because I knew it would help and has it?"

"Oh yes, you have reawakened that hunger inside me I have desperately tried to disguise, Jo! I want to see him again and he's even given me his personal number"

"Oh" she whispered shocked watching when he moved off the wall grabbing his apron and turned back to her.

"This happened once before and it's started all over again. I don't know if I can stop myself"

"Then don't stop yourself"

"Why don't you understand? You shouldn't be encouraging me! This is a sin, adultery, I am cheating on the woman I am supposed to love!" he hissed making Jo stiffen defensibly.

"I helped! Do not blame me, Castiel, I did not force you go to Dean, I gave you the escape you needed and _you _took it, not me" she replied and glared at him before storming out of the room. Castiel sighed kicking the table annoyed and hating himself for taking it out on her, she didn't deserve it. He pulled out the piece of cardboard holding Dean's personal number and twirled it in his fingers debating.

"Castiel!" Ellen shouted making him jump and lurch forward ready for another boring and pointless day at work.

On his first break he decided he would call Anna and see what her plans were for tonight.

"Hello?" she shouted down the phone making him jump.

"Anna? It's me"

"Oh Cas? Hey babe, what do you want?" she said sounding very confused.

"Are you staying behind tonight?"

"Yes, Zach is being a right pain in the ass and keeping me behind to god knows for meetings, paperwork and basically making me into a slave"

"You shouldn't let him push you around like that"

"I know but if I complain, I get fired"

"I'll sort him out for you" he joked finding the banter easier than the actual marriage.

"Hilarious, right, I have to go before he comes back and finds me on the phone with my husband! I'll be back at half nine, ten being the latest okay?"

"See you soon"

"Love you" she cried before hanging up.

Castiel stared at the brick wall ahead and dropped the phone from his ear sliding it into his pocket. He sighed feeling more and more like a jackass.

"Hey" Jo said coming outside with a small soft smile.

"I'm sorry" he said sincerely.

"Oh don't worry about it! I'm used to it" she said with a small chuckle. "So, what are you going to do about this then?"

"I don't know" he said dropping his hands into his head with a moan.

"This is your life, Castiel; you need to start living it" Jo said with a careless shrug. "Live it in fear or grasp what you really want"

Castiel stared up at her feeling fear seep into his bones not wanting to think of the consequences if he truly grasped what he wanted. Castiel nodded in recognition to Jo who smiled gently feeling like her words of wisdom were finally getting somewhere. She left him to it and he sat staring down at the dirty floor considering making the call. Castiel glanced to his watch and decided at the end of his shift he would, he ended early today.

~0~

Dean already had two clients before he got the call at 4pm, his two regulars Gordon Walker who was all hands and a woman cheating on her husband, Meg Masters. He despised the both of them but they paid good money and only wanted sex. Dean was relaxing with a beer when his phone rang and he sighed staring at the unknown number and answered quickly.

"Hello"

"Dean?"

Dean sat up recognising the voice and smirked. "Castiel, am I really that good?"

"What?"

"Doesn't matter, you wanted me?"

"Yes, again, would you be able to come to mine"

"Of course, where do you live?"

"2B Wickham road"

"Oh that's ten minutes away, I'll see you in a moment" Dean said hanging up with a small smile. This was his type of customer, he didn't understand why he liked him a lot, maybe it was the sex he thought to himself. He jumped up darting into the bedroom to change and get out of the door pronto.

Castiel paced up and down the room breathing in and out feeling the rise of a panic attack, he was coming to his house, he was coming over for one thing only and he wanted it more than anything. Castiel gasped running into the kitchen grabbing a glass and drinking down the water.

"What is wrong with me?" he whispered then caught sight of his wedding ring glittering in the light of the sun. He removed it carefully holding it up and eyed it up and down.

"Remarkable how a ring can hold you prisoner" he whispered before pocketing it and staring down at his now empty finger not feeling sad but a little scared and relieved. A loud knock on the door startled him and he turned to face it building up the courage within him and headed towards the door opening it up. Castiel drew in a breath forgetting how beautiful he really was and stared for a moment.

"Cas?"

"Oh sorry" he murmured widening the door and letting him in. He scanned the street before closing it and turning to face him. Dean grinned at him before looking around the hallway.

"Nice place"

"Thank you"

"So what will it be?"

"The same" he said pressing $100 into his hands. Dean looked down at the money before pocketing with a nod.

"Bedroom?"

"Yes, upstairs, the first door to your right" he murmured watching him turn and head upstairs. Castiel turned towards the front door and locked it tight dropping the keys into the bowl as he closed his eyes inhaling deeply. He followed suit moving upstairs to see him waiting in the room for him.

"You can so tell you're married" Dean said when he walked inside.

"Why?"

"This room is spotless!" Dean said indicating around amused and turned back to face him. "Fancy messing it up?"

Castiel watched him shrug off his jacket and pulling off his t-shirt with it and shrugging.

"Come on big boy, what are we waiting for?"

Castiel gasped launching himself at him; Dean caught him in a hard kiss shoving him towards the bed. Castiel wriggled underneath him shedding unwanted clothing till he was in nothing but his underwear.

"Oh and you can tell your wife buys your underwear"

"She doesn't" he gasped out when Dean kissed along his jaw widening his legs and raising an eyebrow at him.

"Sure" he murmured kissing down his chest kissing every inch of the flamed flesh till he was moaning ardently for more. Dean grinned secretly slipping his hands into his underwear and slipping it down and over his shoulder.

"If I had to name a body part I liked on you, it would have to be these thighs" he whispered moving his lips up and down the smooth skin and biting down into the flesh. Castiel let out a cry grasping the cover staring down at him in between his legs and nodded.

"More" he whispered liking the pleasure and pain of it.

"Oh pain kink is it, Cas?" he purred scratching his stubble on his thigh again licking the bite mark before moving down to his pelvis line. He kissed along it slowly making him writhe and moan underneath him till a sweat broke out across his body in a light sheen.

"Cas, you're gorgeous" he murmured nuzzling his groin before slipping a hand around the shaft and bringing the head to his lips. Castiel gasped biting down hard on his lips as Dean licked the head tasting the pre-cum settling there and hummed in approval.

"Dean" Castiel begged gripping the top of his own hair arching his hips off the bed. Dean placed his other hand moving him back down and smirked for a moment before swallowing him down in one quick move. Castiel groaned arching into his hand as Dean sucked and bobbed down the length grazing his tongue and teeth across the sensitive parts he knew would make him a sweating mess. Dean got what he wanted as Castiel squirmed panting and before he could ever warn him, he clenched and erupted releasing the white fluid into his mouth.

Dean swallowed around him taking in every drop and pulling his mouth off him and looking up to him breathing heavily and boneless.

"Good?"

"Yes" Castiel hissed when Dean moved up to him and kissing him hard on the mouth pushing his tongue into his own. Castiel moaned tasting himself on his tongue and gripped the back of Dean's hair sweeping his tongue across the cavern of his warm mouth. Dean pulled away leaving him to whimper with need.

Dean hushed him reaching down to his jeans and pulling out a tiny bottle of lube he always carried around with him. He paused for a moment before deciding and grabbed Castiel's wrist flipping him over to his stomach.

"What are you doing?"

"Kneel for me, we are doing this a different way" he whispered into his ear grazing it with his teeth. Castiel nodded with a small moan moving to his knees and hands as Dean stroked a hand over his ass cheek before slapping it hard. Castiel opened his mouth in a silent gasp feeling his cock harden in response. Dean squirted lube into the hole and onto his fingers as he widened him up like an expert. Castiel moaned squeezing the sheets hard between his fingers feeling Dean fuck him slowly with his fingers.

"D-Dean, please" he begged pressing his forehead into his cushion.

Dean obeyed gripping his hips as he pressed the head of his cock against the hole before sliding in with one quick thrust. Castiel gasped gripping the cushion feeling sparks of pain run up his spine but was quickly replaced with pleasure as Dean thrusted inside him. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh filled the room along with their harsh and exhausted pants. Dean gripped the hips harder making Castiel moan knowing he was going to have bruises there tomorrow but wanted more.

"Harder, Dean, please" he begged thrusting back into him and nearly sobbing in relief when Dean sped up inside him brushing past the prostrate erupting a keening cry out of him which startled even him. Castiel reached down for his own cock brushing against it in three hard strokes before climaxing and coming hard all over the quilt cover. Dean gripped the back of his shoulders dragging his nails down his back.

Castiel threw back his head feeling the pain explode all over his body mixed with pleasure and felt his muscles and toes clench in anticipation sending Dean over the edge as he rode out his own orgasm pulsing warm heat inside of him. Dean groaned collapsing on his back as Castiel fell to the bed feeling a wave of darkness flood his eyes. They lay there together sticky with sweat and semen till Dean hoisted himself off Castiel's back.

Castiel blinked staring down at the blue cushion before glancing over to Dean breathing hard next to him.

"Brilliant" he murmured to himself raking a hand into his hair.

Castiel nodded in approval feeling his muscles burn in agreement as he flipped back over and the two of them lay together staring up at the ceiling in silence.

~0~

It reached 5pm when their breaths were regained and Castiel turned to Dean who was humming an unfamiliar song.

"Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer me since I've only known you two days"

"Fire away" Dean said with a small smile.

"Why are you in this job? I mean, what made you think I'm going to be a rent boy?"

"Personal reasons to do with my family"

"They forced you into it?" Castiel said concerned.

Dean pressed his lips together and looked away from him. "No"

Castiel could sense he was pushing it and nodded looking down to his hands and jumped when Dean suddenly pushed up.

"Cas, you're my client and I don't want to be telling my life story to a guy I've shagged twice okay? You have my card, call again if you want" Dean said dressing himself.

Castiel nodded bringing his knees up to his chest wrapping his arms around his chest. He traced over his wedding finger around the white line that should hold his gold band with a sigh feeling sick. Dean watched him and rolled his eyes more to himself feeling like he had just kicked a curious puppy away. He walked over gripping the back of Cas' hair and kissing him softly on the lips before pulling away.

"I meant what I said about your thighs" he murmured with a smile which widened a little when Castiel smiled back for a moment. "I also meant it when I said call me, the sex is great"

Castiel nodded slowly watching him pull on his jacket and wink at him before leaving the room. Castiel sighed wrapping the cover around him feeling that sense of loss already but knew he was in very deep trouble.

Dean closed the door behind him casting a quick glance around before walking down the street humming Metallica under his breath and inhaled still smelling Castiel all over him and for once didn't mind the smell of a client all over him, it was pleasant. Dean knew his responsibilities, he knew his rules and he knew what to do and what not to do. This time round he would behave and not fuck up the game, he needed this more than ever.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he answered it quickly. "Hey, Lil, yeah I did and yes I have the money. Twenty minutes? Okay"

He hung up and inhaled the fresh air setting off back home ready for a client two not realising how much of a mess he was already making behind him.

**A/N: Thank you for the response! I didn't like this and now I do, thanks to you guys! **

**So feedback? **


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel couldn't resist him. He tried to stop thinking about him but found it hard to stop. It was Thursday and his day off when he pulled out his phone and went to call him but stopped himself realising he was very short on money and any dip would make Anna notice. He sighed tossing his phone on the couch and paced up and down.

"I feel like a sex addict" he murmured shaking his head. "It's only been three days"

He sat down turning on the television focusing on the screen on a boring day time show about D.I.Y. He groaned pressing a hand to his forehead before darting up and going upstairs, he pulled out the small blue tin containing savings and opened it up to see a stash of money.

Anna would kill him if she knew it was gone and spent but he needed it, he needed him. Castiel looked up at the time, 2.30pm, and decided the time was right. He dialled his number quickly and bit his lip tapping his foot impatiently till he heard the click.

"Hello?" a sleepy Dean said.

"Oh! I woke you up…I'm sorry, I'll hang up"

"No, no, it's fine, I shouldn't be asleep" Dean mumbled looking at the time and his eyes widened alarmed. "Fuck, is it really half two?"

"Yes"

"Oh fuck! It's a good job you called me…Lil is going to kill me, I swear I have ten missed calls"

"Oh right...um, you're welcome" he said nervously.

"You want me?"

"I did, but you're busy so…"

"No, I'm fine for the moment… I can be round in twenty minutes if that's okay?"

"Yes" he murmured dropping the phone and hanging up.

Dean groaned pushing himself up and out of bed confused to what happened. After leaving Castiel last night he went home and got one more client, Pamela, wild in bed he remembered and smirked at the memory.

"I've slept for 14 hours" he murmured horrified. He shoved himself up and stared down at his phone seeing calls from Lil, his other clients and Sam. Dean smiled dialling his number and waited.

"Hey" Sam said picking up.

"Sammy!"

"Finally, I thought you were ignoring me" Sam remarked picking at his papers.

"Why would I ignore you? I've been asleep! So how are you and the lovely Jessica?"

"Exams are stressing me; Jess is okay and still heavily pregnant"

Dean nodded with a small smile. "I can't believe it's a month away"

"Yeah me either, I'm freaking out, Dean"

"You'll be an excellent father" Dean said casually pulling clothes out.

"What if I fuck it up? Jess is fully prepared, fully in mother mode and here I am struggling with my law exams and money…"

"Sam, I told you I am sorting that out! I am sending you money every week for you and the baby"

"The new job, how is it going?"

"Fine" he muttered.

If there was anything Dean was glad about, it was the fact Sam didn't know what "new job" he had and he currently thought Dean was in mechanics.

"We really are grateful for the money; we now have a pram and bottles but I don't want you spending all your money on us, Dean. I can get a job as well as take my exams"

"Sam, I want to do this, you are my responsibility and it's my job to take care of my pain in the ass little brother"

"Shut up" Sam muttered.

Dean grinned looking out of the window. "So when are you coming down to see me?"

"Two weeks, I can't bring Jess in case she gives birth"

"It's fine, give her my love, I got to go to work now"

"Call me later?"

"Sure, like a good doting wife"

"Jerk"

"Bitch" Dean said hanging up and quickly dressing pocketing the lube and condom.

~0~

Castiel didn't hesitate the moment Dean arrived at the doorstep. He gripped his wrist tugging him in and kicking the door shut behind him before slamming him against the wall kissing him hard. Dean groaned into his mouth sliding his hands into the messy black hair fisting his hands into it.

"Jesus, Cas, feeling a little horny are we?" he murmured dragging his lips down his stubble and nipping the jaw lightly. Castiel groaned nodding quickly and looked him in the eyes.

"I can't get you out of my head"

"I have that effect" Dean murmured smugly.

"Bedroom" Castiel growled pushing him towards the stairs. Dean stared at him in awe liking this rough Castiel a lot more than he imagined. Dean stripped them of their clothing forcing him down onto the bed and mused in thought deciding he wouldn't rush this time as he kissed across his collarbone.

"Patience is a virtue, Castiel" he whispered into his ear making him moan and squeeze his eyes shut as Dean straddled his hips pinning his arms above his head.

"Just fuck me" Castiel hissed staring up at him.

Dean mock gasped kissing him roughly before pulling away with mischief in his eyes.

"No, I set the rules around here. This is my game, my world and you are my toy"

"What?" he gasped his eyelids fluttering closed as Dean pressed his mouth down his chest taking hold of one of his nipples. He sucked and licked till Castiel let out a cry squirming underneath him begging for more.

"No" Dean replied giving a little smile as Castiel whimpered. He let go of his hands spreading them across his ribs and dragging his nails down the flesh of his stomach. Castiel moaned loudly feeling his cock twitch and strain leaking pre-cum till it was painful.

"Dean, I'm begging you" he whispered clinging to him as Dean looked up at him with smouldering eyes.

"I haven't been paid yet, I'll do what I want and right now I'm happy" he muttered spreading Cas' legs wide. He sighed blissfully kissing the pelvis line slowly taking his time as he licked and sucked it till it was a blossoming red. Castiel pressed two hands over his eyes choosing to let himself feel as Dean moved to his thighs and gripped them hard sucking the flesh till he left a mark.

Castiel gasped looking down and back up to him in horror.

"You've given me a hickey" he whispered.

"It's brilliant" Dean murmured smoothing a thumb over the red and purple mark on his inner thigh.

"How the hell am I going to explain it?"

"Tell her you bumped yourself and it's a bruise" Dean said placing a warm but gentle kiss over it as he turned his attention to his cock.

"Oh hello"

Castiel let all thought slip away to the abyss as Dean pressed his tongue against the head.

"Oh god yes, that's it! More" Castiel pleaded when he hollowed out his cheeks sucking the pre-cum till it settled on his tongue. Dean swallowed down the salty bitterness of cum and smiled around it as he swallowed him down till he hit the back of his throat. Castiel nearly screamed feeling the warm wetness on his cock and moaned gripping his own hair arching his hips up towards him.

Dean trailed a tongue up the underside of the shaft tasting the smooth velvetiness of the texture on his tongue and wrinkling his nose. He ignored the taste choosing the suck him harder and massaging his balls with his other hand till Castiel let out a loud keening cry spilling warm fluid down his throat. Dean choked a little surprised but allowed it all the same as he let the cock go with a soft popping sound.

Castiel gasped staring down at him flushed and sweaty.

"I don't think you've ever looked more attractive" Dean murmured a compliment sliding up to him and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. Castiel hummed in approval feeling boneless and satisfied.

"Do you have $100?"

"Yes" he replied weakly.

Dean nodded grabbing the lube and condom as slipped a finger inside him and gasped in surprise.

"Have we been busy?"

"I wanted you" Castiel whispered looking to the side.

Dean slid three fingers inside him easily and smirked in approval.

"You have just been waiting for me widening your tight little hole?"

"Yes" Castiel gasped out as he slowly fucked him with his fingers"

"You really are a dirty little slut aren't you? Cas, you have no idea how much the idea of you sat here all alone doing that turns me on"

"Do something about it" he cried clenching the sheets beneath him as Dean quickly removed his fingers and slid inside him. Castiel bit on his lip wrapping his legs around his hips pressing his heels into his ass.

"Harder" Castiel begged rocking with him as Dean continued to thrust inside him. Dean groaned low in his throat feeling the tight walls around his cock as he slid into him again and again harder with each thrust. Castiel reached up pulling him into a kiss as they moved together, Dean bit down on his bottom lip drawing out blood and smiling when Castiel groaned.

"You really do like pain" Dean murmured with a gasp when he dug his nails into the soft flesh of his back nodding. Castiel sucked on his bottom lip tasting the metallic flavour and moaning when brushed his prostate, his hands gripped his ass pulling him in deeper till he was balls deep inside him.

"Oh god! Shit, Dean" he moaned out feeling the friction of his sweaty chest and pelvis rub against his cock till he was a panting mess. Dean nodded knowing the feeling as he felt his balls clench and his muscles tighten in anticipation. His cock pulsated and he shot his load inside him feeling the warm liquid soak the condom making him still and pull out collapsing on the bed next to him.

Castiel gasped at the loss turning to look at him as he pulled the condom off and tied it into a knot before dumping it on the floor. Dean turned to look at him and smirked.

"It's been three day and it just gets better with you"

"Really?"

"You're my best client and I had a fiery one last night"

Castiel swallowed feeling a wave of sickness flood his insides, he now realised he hated Dean talking about his other clients, it made him feel sick to think of Dean treating them the same way he treated him.

"This may be the last one for some time" Castiel murmured in defeat.

"What? Why?" Dean said shocked looking back to him.

"Money is low, I work as a waiter and all money we have goes on bills food, and clothes. I didn't expect to be paying $100 for sex for three days on the run"

"Oh right" Dean murmured disturbed as his stomach twisted and the thought of not seeing him made his heart twinge. "I can lower my prices"

"How much?"

"$50?"

"It's still a lot, Dean" Castiel said sitting up and wincing staring down at the hickey on his thigh. "But at least I have a reminder of you for a while"

"How long is awhile?"

"I don't know" he said looking a little lost.

Dean sighed inwardly sitting up and biting down on his lip. "$40?"

"You can't be serious, Dean, I'm not that good"

"You are for being the only client I can actually enjoy myself with"

Castiel scoffed fingering the bed sheet and catching a look at his wedding ring. "I'm cheating"

"That's your own decision"

"I know!" Castiel snapped at him.

Dean raised his eyebrows sitting up and catching his hand. "This means nothing now; this is a symbol of a failed marriage"

"I'm a gay man in a sham marriage" he murmured looking up to him. "Sleeping with a man who asks for money in return"

Dean frowned dropping his hand. "I do it for reasons"

"What reasons?"

"My brother, I do it for my brother"

"But why?"

"Because I'm all he has and he needs support right now and with a heavily pregnant girlfriend about to drop with no money, I'm all he has and I won't let my brother down"

"So you whore yourself out to people? Does he know?"

"No and he is never going to find out" Dean hissed moving away from him frightened at how he opened up to him, no one knew this, why him?

"There must be another way"

"There isn't and don't you dare start telling me what to do with my own life! This is my job and you are the one who called me, who keeps calling me, and only wants one thing from me like I do for you" Dean shouted at him.

Castiel flinched back staring up at him shocked. His jaw set and he looked down at the covers.

"Money is there" he murmured pointing to the stand. Dean dressed quickly snatching it up and slamming the bedroom door behind him as he walked out and down the stairs. Dean was so angry and he didn't understand why, he didn't understand a lot of things right now.

~0~

Castiel didn't move from under the covers all afternoon choosing to cry and sleep feeling rejected, used, and a complete and utter fool. The front door banged below and he heard the familiar footsteps of Anna walking in.

"Castiel?"

"I'm here" he called back and nestling on the pillow again.

Anna walked in and stared at him confused. "Are you sick?"

"I'm having a lazy day and decided to sleep" he said with a hint of a smile.

Anna narrowed her eyes before smiling in return and wandering over to him pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, we have chicken in the fridge"

"I'll cook, I have hardly seen you this week" she said standing up and walking out.

Castiel shifted gritting his teeth against the pain in his backside and peered over the side with a gasp, the condom was still there.

"Oh no" he murmured picking it up and looking around desperately. He darted into the toilet wrapping it toilet roll and chucking it in the bin disgusted. He swallowed still smelling Dean all over him and switched on the shower bathing his body under the hot water. While under there he thought about the latest "argument" and cursed himself for wanting to know him, wanting to feel that different connection to the person who opened up everything for him. Dean was his first in a very long time and he hadn't had pleasure like that with a man in so long.

Castiel felt like his insides were squirming in displeasure over these circumstances and he sighed turning the water off and stepping out. The smell of chicken overwhelmed his senses and he closed his eyes at the thought of going back downstairs, bonding with her, lying to her face, thinking of another man, thinking of sex with another man, thinking of Dean.

He fought his demons and stomped back to the bedroom dressing into new clothes and frowned confused to see his phone flashing with one new message.

"_I'm sorry. $40, anything and everything I swear._

_Dean. _

Castiel swallowed tracing a thumb over the message and looked up at the beige wallpaper feeling his heart thunder in his ears.

"I'm so screwed" he whispered.

~0~

Dean stared down at the phone and at the message he sent feeling like the biggest fool. He had already broken one of his rules, texting the clients. What other rules would Castiel break and would he break the biggest one of all?

**A/N: Thank you for the response! They do make me smile! Reviews are gold!**


	4. Chapter 4

It had been two days since he saw Dean and the longing was beginning to reach breaking point for Castiel as he sat on the sofa with Anna who was going through their taxes.

"Babe?"

"Yes" he said looking towards her as she distracted him from his daydream.

"Why is about $200 missing from our account?"

Castiel felt his heart rate pick up and shrugged absently. "I have no idea, why?"

"Well $200 is just gone!"

"Darling, we probably just spent it or it's gone on taxes" he lied picking at the jacket nervously. Anna narrowed her eyes at him glancing back to the sheets confused.

"Maybe" she murmured softly picking up her pen and going back to her sheets. Castiel sighed inwardly looking back to the television feeling the longing intensify. Anna didn't need to do overtime anymore and was back to doing 9 to 5 and it killed Castiel.

He pressed his lips together silently moving up and upstairs, he crept into the bedroom glancing behind him feeling like a child stealing sweets as he pulled out the blue box of their savings. He pulled $40 and fingered the notes wondering if he could do it, would Anna believe him if he told her he was going to see Ash and Jo for a nightcap.

Castiel pocketed the money and jumped up wondering back downstairs pressing his phone to his ear as he went.

"Yeah sure, I'll be twenty minutes" he acted out as he got to the final step. Anna looked up at him with a quizzical expression. Castiel smiled pretending to hang up and pocketed it looking over at her.

"Ash and Jo asking me to come out"

"Oh? Are you going?"

"I never get out and you know that, it'll only be for an hour or two tops"

"Okay, well don't get too drunk and come home waking me up" she warned waggling a finger at him as he walked over pecking her forehead.

"Of course not, I'll see you in a bit" he murmured drawing away and out the door without a backward look. He pulled his coat around him and strolled out into the cold night attempting to look cool and carefree as he reached the end of the street and pulled out his phone.

The phone rang five times before a voice answered; it was an exhausted but clearly pleasured woman's voice.

"Yeah?"

"Dean?"

"Oh no he's is in the toilet" she said with a giggle. "Are you another client?"

His silence answered her question as she laughed and settled back into the cushion.

"Sorry darling, this one is mine all night since I paid him $200 for a whole night…better luck tomorrow or find someone else" she said hanging up and tossing the phone on the side watching the door with a smug smile.

Castiel closed his eyes in horror leaning against the wall feeling like a fool, a bigger fool than he already was. Jealously ate away at him inside as he looked towards Pinewood apartments, one apartment in particular with one light on indicating he was in, he was in with some slut he thought miserably and sighed sliding down till he hit the cold, wet, floor.

Dean re-entered the room to see Meg stretched out and swallowed down his disgust.

"What are you looking so smug about?"

"Oh nothing" she purred raking a hand into her hair.

Dean gave a grimace sitting down on the edge and picked up his phone frowning confused.

"Did you answer a call?"

"What?" she said innocently as he scanned through his contacts and looked at her.

"I have an answered call from a client a couple of minutes ago…did you answer it?"

"Yes! I told him you were mine tonight since I paid you $200 and rightly so"

Dean opened and closed his mouth shocked and closed his eyes in horror realising who it was. The one he had been secretly praying would call for two days but instead got random clients he didn't want, not really, what he wanted called five minutes ago and instead he was with her. Dean glanced over at her as she trailed a fingernail up and down his skin.

"Here" he said thrusting her other $100 at her. "Get dressed and get out, no one answers my calls and tells me who I am with all night"

"What? How fucking dare…" she said outraged.

"You heard me darling, fuck off" he hissed getting up and turning his back as she jumped out of bed quickly pulling on her clothes and huffed straightening up.

"I don't know who you think you are talking and telling me what to do like that, you little whore" she hissed at him. "Good for nothing but sex, it's pitiful really"

"Get lost" he snarled making sure to delete her number when she left and calling Lil to ban her from ever seeing him again.

"Oh I am honey, I'm leaving now fully satisfied…how does it make you feel?"

"Sick to my stomach"

"Good, you'll always have that feeling you know, that sickening feeling every time you fuck someone for money because that's what prostitutes are…they are nothing but good for sex and STI's" she said with a smug grin. "I am so glad you wore protection, wouldn't want to catch something"

Dean watched her leave and waggled her fingers at him before shutting the door behind her laughing. He turned away swallowing hard and throwing himself down on the bed.

Castiel watched as a woman came out laughing and felt a huge burst of jealously at her as she sashayed down the steps. He pushed himself up and wandered over to her.

"Hello gorgeous" she murmured looking him up and down.

"Were you with Dean?"

Meg stopped staring at him confused and then cocked her head at him. "The guy on the phone?"

"Yes"

"Oh my, Dean is a lucky one…you're not a prostitute are you?"

"No" he spat at her as she leaned against her Mercedes tapping her fingers.

"You would make a mighty fine one, Dean is up there by the way but make sure to use a condom, who knows what the whore is riddled in"

"I don't think you are one to speak, one who cheats on her husband like a little slag"

Her cheeks flushed and she straightened.

"My, my, harsh words from someone also wearing a wedding ring, sweetheart, does little wifey know what her husband is up to right this minute? Shagging a rent boy"

"You know nothing about me"

"You are like me, you want sex and good sex for that matter…Dean gives that and gets money in return" she said opening the car door and sliding in. "Remember that don't you, all he wants is money and sex, it's what they all want"

Castiel only watched as she winked at him starting up the car and backing out of the driveway and speeding off. He shuddered feeling repulsed and started up the stairs knocking on the door lightly till the hall light flickered on and Dean opened the door.

"Cas" he said in greeting and opened the door wider to allow him in.

"Just been speaking to your "friend" out there" he murmured looking up to him with hard eyes.

"Meg? Just ended our little agreement and about time" he muttered wandering into the living room. Castiel watched him crossing his arms over his chest.

"Was she any good?"

"What?" he asked looking over to him as he cracked open a beer.

"The sex with all those other clients that you fuck, are they any good?"

Dean eyed him sitting down on the couch and shrugged. "Some are plain awful and some are really good, why?"

"Are they better than me?"

"What the hell are you on?" Dean murmured looking down to his beer.

"I am asking you a simple question"

"I've known you for how long? Five days technically and you already getting all jealous on me! I don't think you understand my job very clearly, Cas"

"Oh I understand perfectly! I understand how I'm just another fuck"

Dean blinked astonished and turned back to him. "Okay we're on dangerous grounds here…"

"Are they better than me?"

"Why are you asking me this!"

"Because I need to know! For example, Meg, is she better than me?"

"No" he hissed clenching his fists feeling the anger seep into his bones. "Now back off with the questions, I don't know where this pathetic jealous outburst has come from but it's stopping right now!

"What about the rest?" he said not backing off as he got into his personal space. "How many are like me?"

"Why are you doing this?" he pleaded.

"I need to know!" he raged back at him and gasped when Dean shoved him back so they hit the wall together.

"None of them! I can't stand any of those sons of bitches, they are worthless to me, they pay me and I give them what they want"

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Am I different? Or do you treat me like you treat all those people, all those different people, the same way you have treated me?" he hissed up at him and moaned when Dean's hand fisted into his hair smacking it into the wall.

"That is none of your business! What right do you have asking me this? You are like them in ways that you call me for sex"

"I'd have it with you without paying for it, I'd just want you" he whispered staring into his eyes. Dean felt fear enter his heart for a moment but replaced it anger as his fingers tips clutched into his scalp making him moan grasping his hips tightly. Dean hissed as his fingernails made encircles on his skin and glared at him.

"Well I wouldn't, you're such a stupid bastard" he hissed pulling him into a heated kiss as Dean's anger and Castiel's jealously poured into their kiss. Castiel groaned into his mouth when he shoved him back into the wall with a smack as Castiel responded by biting down on his bottom lip drawing out blood and pulling back with a smirk which only made Dean angrier. He gripped the top of his wrists slamming them above his head and attacking his neck with his mouth as he bit down making him keen loudly and buckle underneath him.

Castiel knew he would make leave mark but his mind didn't care as he strained against his hands as he sucked a line down his throat exposing the reddening skin. Dean suddenly released his hands grabbing his t-shirt and hauling it off chucking it across the room in a hurry. Dean stared into his eyes as his nails dragged down his chest leaving red lines as he moaned letting his head fall back with a loud thud.

"Such a dirty, jealous, little slut" he hissed into his ear causing a moan to escape his lips.

"Say it" Dean ordered biting down on his neck.

"I am, I am" he murmured with a gasp when Dean unbuckled his belt and shoved down his jeans exposing his cock and ass to the air. Dean stripped his clothes also so they were both fully naked against the wall.

Castiel's own anger and energy took over as he kicked Dean from underneath his feet sending them tumbling onto the floor. Castiel landed on Dean with a huff only for him to kick him off sending him on the ground with a groan.

"I aint topping princess" Dean hissed pulling him into a rough kiss that sent shivers of pleasure coursing through his veins. Castiel moaned at the pain of being roughly handled on a carpet but didn't let him stop as he gripped his shoulders rutting against him.

"Do your job" Castiel hissed gripping the top of Dean's hair. Dean glowered at him before biting down hard on his shoulder so he cried out arching against him. He stretched towards his jeans pulling out his little bottle of lube and pressed a hand on his chest as he squeezed the bottle and spread Castiel wide open. He screamed when Dean forced his fingers inside him widening the hole before arching his fingers inside him fingering him roughly.

"Dean please!" he pleaded writhing underneath him feeling the carpet burn his back.

"Beg" Dean hissed removing his fingers kissing down his chest biting down on the soft skin leaving red bite marks.

"Who knew you were such an asshole" Castiel muttered breathing hard through gritted teeth. Dean scoffed giving in pushing himself inside the tight heat in one quick thrust. Castiel gasped silently as Dean moved inside him slamming into him harder with each thrust.

He whimpered spreading his legs wider as they moved together in a sweat, angry but passionate race towards the end. Dean reached down for the first time wrapping a hand around Cas' cock pumping it in four hard strokes before he clenched cumming hard with a cry. Dean gasped feeling the white fluid hit his hand and stomach before moving down kissing him more gently this time. He thrusted into him brushing past his prostate a final time till he cried out muffled against his throat spilling his own seed inside him. Castiel groaned as he collapsed on top of him.

They lay together while Castiel moved his hand into Dean's hair caressing his hand through it softly. Dean hummed rolling off him and gasped looking up at the ceiling.

"I feel sore" he murmured.

"I have carpet burn and bites marks all over me, want to swap?" Castiel said with a wince sitting up and Dean bit his lip staring at the burn covering his back.

"I'll get the lotion for you" Dean murmured with a chuckle. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"We should definitely have more hate sex more often because that was bloody good, Cas"

"I have to agree" he muttered with a smirk closing his eyes. The silence stretched between them till Dean sat up nudging him with his shoulder.

"What is with the jealously attack?"

"Can you go get that lotion?" he replied ignoring his question. Dean frowned but nodded all the same getting up and moving to the bathroom as Castiel struggled up letting out a gasp of pain. He moved into the bedroom sitting in the middle waiting for Dean.

Dean returned with a smug smile waving the bottle at him.

"Do the honours?" Castiel said as he slid behind him unscrewing the bottle top and smoothed the lotion onto his back. Castiel bit his lip repressing the whimper from escaping him.

"This is your memory for being a jealous ass" he whispered biting into his ear gently with a chuckle. Castiel smiled gently leaning into his touch as he finished up.

"Lay on your stomach, it'll leave it to soak in and you won't irritate it" he murmured softly wiping his hands and leaning back on the covers. Castiel followed him lying on his front as he sighed feeling tired, he watched him hum softly to himself and couldn't help but smile in response.

"What are you smiling at? I should still be pissed at you"

"It was a simple question, Dean, you are the one who threw me against the wall and seduced me on the floor"

"Oh look at you with fancy words, you dick" Dean remarked moving under the covers feeling the chill of the room.

"You didn't answer"

"I'm not gonna, so suck it up"

Castiel nodded staring up at the blue wallpaper for a moment before turning back to him.

"Why do you always top?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well since the beginning you have topped and I haven't, not once. I haven't been inside you or barely touched you in that way…why?"

"My rules, I fuck, no one fucks me. No one has broken that rule yet and I am thankful" he said with a small smile which hid his fear.

"Seriously?"

"Deadly"

Castiel blinked looking away from him as he himself shivered moving under the covers moving into his warmth. Dean slid further under flipping on his side staring into his eyes.

"What?"

"You fascinate me, Dean"

"Oh really? Why?"

"You are more complicated than I ever imagined but I like that" he whispered.

Dean stared at him startled and went to kiss him when his phone rang shrill and demanding. He sighed leaning over him and picking it up.

"Hello? Yeah…yeah" he murmured with a roll of his eyes. Castiel felt the burn of jealously all over again and watched as he talked about meeting this other client in half an hour. Castiel didn't know why he did it but gave it a shot as he reached up grabbing the phone.

"I'm sorry there has been some terrible mistake, he can't meet you I am afraid"

"What?" a rough voice said.

"Yeah, sorry, maybe next year" he said hanging up and passing the phone to Dean who stared at him astonished.

"Dude, what the hell are you doing?"

"Being picky"

"You do know Meg did the exact same thing to me before and I threw her out under strict orders to never enter my door or life again" he said with hard eyes.

"Do it"

Dean stared at his phone and back down to Castiel who stared up at him with earnest eyes.

"You are such a dick" he muttered sliding back down. "But you just saved me from my worst client ever!"

"Why?"

"He pays me $250 which is why I keep him but he does it for reasons…wrong reasons"

"Dean?" Castiel asked propping himself up on his elbow.

"He pays me that so his cats can watch, his four cats come in the room and watch us…it turns him on"

Castiel covered his mouth burying his face into the pillow as he howled with laughter.

"Fuck you" Dean muttered shoving him with an amused grin. "It's disturbing"

"I'm sorry…I am but…" he spluttered trailing off chuckling.

Dean shook his head looking towards him amused; Castiel looked up at him with a small smile.

"You better make it up to me" he murmured pulling him on top of him.

"How?"

"Be a jealous bitch again so I fuck you senseless"

Castiel grinned placing a kiss on his lips as Dean rolled him onto his back sliding back inside him.

~0~

It was 3am when Castiel woke up confused, sore but comforted. He turned his head to see Dean snoring gently next to him and gasped looking around.

"Oh my god" he murmured climbing out of the bed and darting out of the bedroom to grab his phone out of his jeans.

**10 missed calls. **

**7 messages**

**9 voicemails**

"Oh no" he hissed gripping his hair walking back into the bedroom and sitting down on the bed. No matter what, he always went home. Castiel shook his head trying to remember what happened but felt the claws of sleep clawing at him to come back. He sighed knowing he couldn't go back home now and slid back into the warm covers facing Dean who was still sleeping.

He sighed trailing a hand over his cheek gently before resting his head on the pillow falling back to sleep. Dean was awake, he woke the moment Castiel ran out of the bed and swallowed hard, his heart pounding. Castiel stayed the night; no one ever stays the night.

"Another rule broken" he thought to himself miserably. Castiel's breath tickled his neck and his heart thundered dangerously in his ribcage and he just wandered what was happening, why was this simple man, client, or whoever he was breaking down his walls, ripping apart his rules and changing him within? He let out a sleepy sigh turning over pretending to sleep and opened his eyes looking at the window praying for the first time in years, Dean never prayed. He prayed for a miracle and just hoped this miracle wasn't lying in his bed right now.

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! Keep them coming, they make me happy.**

**Personal note: Here you go, Ana, Happy Birthday baby! I tried my best despite the circumstances and if this isn't good enough I'll try in my other chapters! **


	5. Chapter 5

It was 8.15am when Dean opened his eyes a second time to find himself wrapped around Castiel who was snoring gently into the crook of his neck. He sighed deeply trailing a hand down his bare back and with his other hand shook him awake.

"Cas, come on, wake up" he muttered untangling his legs and arms and getting up needing the toilet. Castiel groaned pressing two hands over his eyes and squinted looking around the room.

"What time is it?" he said hoarsely looking at the alarm and groaning. "Great"

He pushed himself up to sit on the bed pulling his phone towards him to see 10 missed calls all from Anna, the messages demanding to know where he was and the voicemails.

"Castiel! Where the fuck are you? It's nearly 3am you insufferable asshole, you call me as soon as you get this!" she shouted down the phone to him.

"Is the missus pissed?" Dean said walking back in and climbing back under the covers.

"Yes, very much so…I can't believe I fell asleep! What happened?"

"I fucked you again till we were exhausted and fucked out; you fell back on the pillow and were gone in like a minute! I followed of course and here we are" Dean said staring up at the ceiling. "But you should know, I don't allow this. No one ever stays over"

"I am making it my lifelong plan to destroy every rule" Castiel murmured with a smirk.

Dean rolled his eyes with a huff shoving him out of the bed; Castiel squeaked hitting the floor and glared up at him.

"Get dressed and go home to your wife"

"I'm sore remember!" he cried scrambling up and hissing at the burn in his back and groin. Dean smirked watching him leave and stared at his ass as he walked out feeling a sense of pride that he had been there only hours before.

"What are you looking so smug about?" Castiel questioned coming back in running a hand through his hair looking tired.

"Nothing, come here" he murmured holding out a hand to him. Castiel came over confused but willingly as he knelt on the bed opening his mouth to allow Dean in as they kissed heatedly.

"Now you can go" Dean said emitting a low groan from Castiel.

"You can't leave me like this!" Castiel protested with a whine glancing down to the bulge in his jeans.

"That's what tissues and wanking is for! Be sure to imagine me while you wank" Dean teased pressing a finger to his nose pushing him up.

"Evil" Castiel murmured pulling his coat on.

"I know" Dean simply replied watching him leave the bedroom and head back home.

Castiel wrapped his coat around his body tighter knowing he was in for a hell of an argument which would mean Anna would be furious with him for days. He rounded the corner to see her car still there and sighed climbing the steps to the front door and opening the door. He was greeted by silence and quietly shut the door behind him looking around.

"Anna?" he said going into the living room and gasping when a tired but furious Anna rounded on him slapping him across the face hard. He gasped reeling back and stared at her in shock.

"Is your phone broke, Castiel?"

"What?" he shouted.

"I said is your phone broke?" she near enough screamed at him.

"No-no, I didn't have it on me…I got really drunk and I crashed at Ash's, I'm so sorry" he lied backing away from his own wife. Anna breathed out pointing a finger at him.

"Do you have any idea how worried I have been? You always come home, Castiel, always and you didn't even call me! I thought you died or something!" she shouted at him.

"I was fine! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare or worry you, Anna" he pleaded when she threw up her hand storming upstairs.

"Anna" he called following after her.

"Fuck off" she shouted slamming the door. Castiel blinked at the closed door seeing a brand new Anna, an Anna he hadn't seen before and it surprised him. He sighed sitting down on the top step fiddling with his wedding ring. It seemed like forever before Anna came out shoving past him on the stairs dressed to go to work.

"Anna, please, can we not sort this out like adults?"

"Adults? Castiel, I called you all night, I had no idea where you were! You just darted out; I couldn't get hold of Jo either!"

Fear entered Castiel as he realised he hadn't told Jo or Ash and thanked the gods she didn't.

"You didn't bother calling me back! I was worried sick! You never do this"

"Well maybe I should, maybe I should start going out, living my life"

"By getting drunk and staying out all the time? By leaving your wife? That is not the good, honest, man I love" Anna hissed at him pulling on her coat. "By the way, Gabriel called last night so you better call him back"

Castiel sighed dropping his head into his hands hearing the door slam as she went to work. He picked himself up walking down the stairs grabbing the phone and dialling his number.

"Whoever this is dead to me" Gabriel hissed making him smile.

"Gabriel"

"Cassie?"

"Yeah, you called last night but I was out"

"So you decided to call me at half eight in the morning?"

"Yes"

Gabriel groaned sitting up running a hand into his hair. "You sound like a shit"

"I feel like shit…Anna and I just argued"

"Oh. What about?"

"Something stupid, I stayed out all night"

"Doing what?" Gabriel said with a sniff.

Castiel remained silent. He could lie to his wife but his brother was a no show, Gabriel knew everything about to him to his deepest secret and he couldn't lie.

"Cas? You still there"

"I…I don't know how to explain"

Gabriel closed his eyes and nodded. "Do we need to meet up and talk?"

"Yes please" he murmured.

"What time are you in work?"

"12 till 5 today"

"I'll be around at 10 okay?"

"Thank you" he whispered rubbing his forehead feeling a migraine coming on and sighed closing the curtains in the living room. He hung up the phone and threw himself down on the couch needing some shut eye. His back burned giving him a load of memories and he bit his lip imaging Dean's mouth moving down his chest and thrusting into him that hard he screamed. Castiel moaned sliding a hand down unzipping his jeans as he grabbed a hand around the shaft letting the memories overcome him as he pumped slowly. The memories filled him and he broke out in a hot sweat thinking of the way Dean slammed him against that wall. Castiel couldn't deny that angry sex was the best and when it was with someone as good as Dean, it boarded on excellent.

He pushed his heels into the couch feeling his balls ache with the need to climax and he gasped loudly feeling the rush and the orgasm reach its peak as he squirted into his hand. He moaned feeling lethargic and boneless letting the warm feeling of his orgasm spread through his bones.

Castiel didn't know how long he was there thinking but when the doorbell rang making him jump off the couch in surprise was when he realised he had fell asleep.

"Coming!" he shouted zipping his fly back up surprised and darted to the door to see Gabriel leaning against the frame.

"Hey bro"

"Hey, come in" he said opening the door wider. Gabriel slid inside him walking straight into the living room and sitting down.

"Okay, spill" Gabriel muttered clasping his hands together.

"I'm cheating on my wife"

Gabriel stared at him and shook his head with a rumbling sigh. "With a man?"

"Yes"

"Fuck" Gabriel muttered leaning back staring away from. Castiel grimaced letting his head fall back into his hands moaning softly.

"You should have never married! I told you this over and over again! You didn't listen to me because you were so scared, so scared of dad and what he would say, what Michael would say and you married her" Gabriel ranted at him. "You're gay!"

"Don't you think I know that? I tried my hardest, I tried so hard to love her, to be straight but I can't…I gave in"

"Who is he?"

"His name is Dean and he's a whore"

"Excuse me?" Gabriel blanched.

"A rent boy, a whore, a prostitute, a man who sells his body for money and he's mine"

"How long?"

"Six days now"

"Shit, Castiel…doesn't Anna suspect?"

"No, last night I was with him and I lied, I lied and said I was with Jo and Ash instead. I meant to come to her but I fell asleep next to him" Castiel said in a weak voice. "When I woke up, I was happy, I was content and I was more than satisfied to see his head on the pillow and not her because I don't love her, Gabe, I love her like a man loves a friend or a sister but not a wife"

"Then tell her this! My god, stop dragging the poor woman along like this"

"I can't! You know I can't!" Castiel shouted at him.

"Because of what?"

"I would lose everything, Gabriel. I would lose Anna, my job, my friends and worst of all my family"

"You wouldn't lose me"

"I never see you anymore, Gabe, I see you every once in a while when you need or want something"

"Hey! That's unfair!" Gabriel protested shocked when Castiel shrugged leaning back into the seat.

"It's true! I can't…I can't do that to her but I can't stop seeing him, he's woken me up to this whole new world and I love it, Gabriel"

"You love the sex"

"There's nothing like it" he said with a knowing smirk as Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"That was one time! I was drunk, very drunk actually and he was very cute"

"It was amazing wasn't it?"

"It's in my top five" Gabriel murmured with an amused smile. Castiel chuckled leaning into the sofa and kicking back.

"I don't know what to do"

"You know you can't keep dragging her along like this, Cas, it isn't fair to her or you. How do you think she'll feel when she realises what you are doing and who you are doing it with?"

"I know!" he shouted annoyed folding his arms over.

"So what are you going to do? Because if you are serious about this Dean person"

"I can't be serious over him"

"Why not?"

"Because he's a prostitute"

"And you're in love with him"

Castiel turned to stare at his brother confused. "In love with him? I'm not in love with him"

"Right, so your eyes don't light up when you mention his name and you don't get a little dreamy look on your face that makes me want to puke"

"I can't be it's been six days!"

"So?"

"No, I'm not in love with him" Castiel said sharply.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Whatever you say, bro"

~0~

Dean pulled out his latest client with a gasp as his phone rang and he answered it breathlessly.

"Sam?"

"Oh is that your brother?" his client Andy called making Dean gasp and shove a hand over his mouth.

"Dean? Who's that?" Sam said curiously.

Dean panicked staring down at him. "My boyfriend"

Andy tilted his head underneath his hand bewildered at his statement. Dean gaped at the words that had escaped his mouth and shrugged.

"Your boyfriend? Oh my god, Jess! He's settled down!" Sam shouted away from the phone. Dean groaned covering his mouth and shook his head.

"No listen, Sam…."

"Oh I am seriously happy for you, dude, no really, I know I was a little bit…sceptical over the whole bi thing but seriously how long has it been since Cassie? Years, so what's his name?"

"That doesn't matter right now, why are you calling?" he said and covered the mouth piece.

"I'm sorry, get dressed and get out" he hissed to him as Andy nodded still confused and dressed quickly throwing the money on the bed and exiting the room. Dean mentally cursed himself kicking the bed.

"Why did I say boyfriend!" he screamed inside his head.

"I called to say me and Jess are coming down this weekend instead, she really wants to see you before the birth so…" Sam said looking over to Jess who was fussing about packing.

"That's great, I can't wait to see you both" he murmured raking a hand into his hair walking around and stopping when he noticed something on the floor. He bent down picking up a simple black watch that belonged to only one person.

"So what's his name?" Sam said in the background but he wasn't listening as he picked it up not noticing Castiel even wore a watch but he did and it wore a simple engraving at the back.

"Castiel" he murmured to himself.

"Strange name, so will we get to meet him?"

Dean blinked and stopped in horror.

"Sorry what?"

"Castiel, Dean, am I interrupting something?" Sam said awkwardly.

"What? No, no, god no, I…." he said trailing off.

"Right" Sam said confused. "We're coming down on Friday, okay?"

"Okay" Dean muttered pacing up and down.

"See you then?"

"Yes" Dean said hanging up and throwing the phone on the bed in a panic. "Oh god, what have I done?"

Dean kicked the bed over and over again till he was breathless and dropped down face down groaning into the covers. He scrambled up picking the phone and dialling his number.

"Come on, come on…. Cas!" he said when he answered.

Castiel blinked alarmed as he scanned around the café and backed into the small room.

"Dean? I'm at work!"

"I know, I know, but this is important and possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done but I need you this whole weekend, free of charge"

"Excuse me?"

"I may have told my brother you are my boyfriend" he murmured softly.

"What? Dean, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I was with my client Andy and…"

"Andy who?" Castiel said in a hard voice.

"Oh don't start the jealously now! Listen to me, Sam called and heard Andy…I also found your watch and said your name to myself but he thought I was telling him the name of my supposed boyfriend" Dean cried feeling a sweat breaking out all over him as he panicked and paced up and down. "I couldn't tell him he was wrong and I was lying because the man has been going stir crazy about me being single, never finding anyone and having a family! I need you; you are the only one I can imagine for three days being my partner!"

"Dean, I think you forget that I'm married!" he hissed angrily.

"I know! But I'm begging you here, otherwise I have to use Andy and make him pretend he's you for the weekend"

Jealously flared up inside him like a flame. "No way, I'll do it, I'll make an excuse"

"Oh thank you! I swear I'll make it up to you"

"You better" Castiel said hanging up and gripping the top of his hair now wondering what the hell he had got himself into. He quickly dialled Anna's number praying she would pick up.

"Hello, Castiel" a dull voice answered.

"Anna, dear, please listen to me"

"No, I am still very mad at you. I don't want to listen, you'll only make me angrier…anyway, I'm glad you called because I have news for you"

"What news?"

"Rachel called me not long ago to tell me she's pregnant"

"Rachel your sister?"

"Yes, she's pregnant and a sobbing mess, so tonight I am travelling down to Chicago and staying there with her"

"Wait what?"

"She's my little sister, Castiel, she needs me and it'll only be to Monday anyway. It'll give me some time to think anyway"

"About what?"

"Us! I need time, I have been thinking for a long time and this is the perfect getaway for me and for you as well, you can think"

"Oh" he whispered wondering why everything was fitting into place so perfectly and the thought honestly scared him to death.

"Look I'll be home at seven okay? I'm packing and leaving tonight"

"Okay, dear" he said swallowing hard and listening to the dial tone as she hung up. Castiel pocketed his phone and rubbed his forehead feeling the pounding in his skull increase. What the hell had just happened?

His mind went into overdrive as he worked. Anna was leaving to go to her sister's, Dean lied to his brother telling him that he was his boyfriend and while Anna was away he would have to act like the doting boyfriend to a guy he was fucking for money and also might be in love with. Castiel straightened staring out the window.

"Am I missing something?" he murmured exhaling deeply feeling sick and excited at the same time at the sudden unexpected turn in his life and wondered was this a good or a bad thing?

**A/N: Here you go guys! Not as good as my other chapters but this is the build-up to a lot more to come! Smut and angst ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel waited patiently at home for return and stiffened when the door opened at quarter past seven to reveal a flustered Anna.

"I haven't got time to argue, my train leaves at eight!" Anna cried running up the stairs. Castiel turned in his seat looking up the stairs and sighed again getting up to go see her. He watched as she ran about the room packing.

"Who's the father?"

"She doesn't know, some guy in a suit seduced her and the stupid cow didn't use protection! Pregnant and in the middle of her career! It was going so well for her and now she has to go and fuck it up!" Anna said throwing clothes in a suitcase and looking up to him.

"I'm sorry for this, okay? I know I'm leaving on bad timing and we haven't even sorted us out yet but maybe…maybe time apart will do us good? I could be so wrong here but I need my sister and I need to think myself" Anna said walking up to him and clasping her hands with him. "Do you understand?"

"Yes" he murmured weakly.

Anna nodded leaning up and pressing a warm kiss to his cheek.

"I may forgive you a little bit if you go get my bag from downstairs" she said with a small smile.

Castiel nodded in reply turning back to go downstairs and collecting it. Maybe this was a good thing? He wouldn't have to lie about pretending to be Dean's boyfriend for a weekend while she was away comforting her pregnant sister. He returned handing over her bag as she zipped the suitcase up and hauled it across to him.

"Do you want me to drop you off at the station?"

"No, I'll be fine. I'll call you tonight when I'm there" she said softly moving away from him and pulling the suitcase down the stairs. He followed after her and waited on the first step as she applied lipstick and turned towards him.

"I'll see you on Monday" she said holding her hand out. He came over and took it and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, the smell of her perfume overpowered him and for one moment he remembered why he loved her but wasn't in love with her, why he married her and why in fact she was his best friend despite everything.

"Take care" he said stroking her hair back.

Anna smiled at him sadly taking hold of the suitcase and walking out of the house into her car. Castiel leaned against the doorframe watching her leave the street quickly and swallowed feeling the loneliness already, he had always hated being alone. He shut the door behind him pulling out his mobile phone to call him.

Dean answered with a tiring sigh.

"Hello lover" he murmured.

Castiel smirked sitting down on the couch. "So how does this work"

"You stay for the whole weekend that's what, what have you told the wife?"

"Well here is the amazing thing; Anna has left to go see her sister who is pregnant"

"Seriously?"

"Deadly and she's gone till Monday so it looks like I have the all clear and I don't have to lie to her about where I am"

"Only lie to my brother and his pregnant girlfriend"

"Well just tell him the truth?"

"I can't, he is so happy about this" Dean said with a sigh.

"Well tell him…we broke up?"

"What in a day? Oh yeah very convenient when he was happy! I can't do that…you can come around tonight"

"Why?"

"Tomorrow is Thursday so just stay anyway, settle in"

"Okay, okay, are you sure it's free of charge?"

"Yes, why would I charge you to do this?"

"I was curious, Dean, I'll be along shortly" he said hanging up and running upstairs to pack his belongings. His excitement reached its peak inside him and he was without a doubt going to use this to the best of his advantage.

~0~

"Excuse me? You want the whole weekend off?" Lil said confused.

"Yes! Anyone calls; I'm away for the weekend. My brother is down, Lil; I am not doing this over the weekend"

"Fine" she spat hanging up. Dean tossed the phone onto the couch and flopped down feeling tired and worst of all bored.

A knock alerted him and he jumped up throwing open the door to reveal a startled Castiel.

"Expecting someone else?"

"Nope come in" Dean said opening the door wider and letting him in.

Castiel stepped in throwing his bag down on the floor and turned towards him. "So…"

Dean smirked pulling him by his t-shirt and tugging him towards him. "I'm bored"

"So the first thing that comes to your mind is sex?" he whispered before Dean captured his mouth shoving him towards the bedroom. Castiel felt his legs hit the back of the bed and tumbled down bringing him with him. He let out a huff as his weight landed on top of him.

"You're suffocating me"

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

Castiel chuckled shaking his head lifting his arms as Dean undressed him pulling off his t-shirt and jeans. He kissed slowly across his collarbone leaving marks and down his chest tasting the skin with his tongue.

"Shit" Castiel muttered closing his eyes as he sucked on his nipple. Dean smiled softly kneeling in between his legs as he kissed a line across his hipbone. Castiel reached down fisting a hand into his hair with a whimper when he grazed his teeth down the line of his pelvis.

"Stop teasing me" he murmured pulling his hair and bringing him up to eye level.

"I'm bored" he repeated grabbing the lube and sliding them onto his fingers. Castiel smirked knowingly wrapping his legs around his waist as he penetrated him with his fingers. He groaned tightening the grip in his hair as he pushed the head inside him and kept going till the shaft was fully inside him. He took his time as he slowly pushed inside him, Castiel groaned throwing his head back as he felt shivers of pain run up his spine and lower back.

"Faster" he groaned hating the slow pace Dean was taking as he thrusted harder hitting the prostrate. Castiel screamed biting down on his lip thrusting his hips up towards him. Dean gripped them tight as he angled a different way stroking the muscles inside him making him writhe and whimper with need.

"Dean!" he cried sliding his hands down and around the back of his neck.

"You are so easy to undo" Dean whispered into his ear licking into the shell as he thrusted hard inside him, Castiel's moaning increasing in his ear.

"You are also a screamer, better keep it down when Sam comes down because I'm telling you now, me and you are fucking" he hissed running his nails down his chest. He moaned pushing his face into his throat with a nod moving up against him as Dean wrapped a hand around his cock. He pumped him hard three times and with a final cry climaxed into his hand. Dean quickly followed spilling into him with a muffled moan stilling on top of him.

Castiel stared up at him with wide eyes, Dean met them with a small smile rolling off him and sitting on the bed.

"I think I needed that…time for shopping"

"What?"

"Shopping! I have nothing in"

"It's 9pm?"

"So?"

Castiel groaned sitting up with him feeling cum leak out of him and shifted at the uncomfortable feeling. He turned his head watching him get up and get dressed; he couldn't shake the unwanted feeling of being used.

"You're helping me so come on, up and dressed" he said and stopped. "I feel like a mother or a girlfriend"

"Only a little"

Dean glared throwing his top at him. "We're leaving in ten minutes"

"Yes mom" he muttered and grinned when he smacked him on the shoulder.

Twenty minutes later they were on their way to the local supermarket. Castiel glanced a look over to Dean and couldn't resist smiling to himself and thanking Jo to the high heavens. Dean pulled in and parked looking back to him confused.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Practising" he murmured getting out and slamming the car door. Dean raised an eyebrow following after him as they wandered around getting a trolley.

"Okay, meat, veg, the works" Dean murmured wandering up the aisle closely followed by Castiel who grabbed the items handing it over to him. They ended up in the vitamins aisle were Castiel caught sight of something.

"Heated lube" Dean said noticing what he was staring at.

"It's better than the shit you use"

"There is nothing wrong with my lube!"

Castiel smirked picking up the red bottle and turned to face him. "Buy this and use it on me but only me"

Dean took it off him admiring it for a moment. "Fine"

They both turned to see a couple staring at them in both horror and slight disgust.

"It's all him, he's a kinky bastard who likes it rough and of course hot" Dean said pointing a finger at him. Castiel gaped flushing deep red and shaking his head at them as Dean chuckled pushing the trolley away.

"I-I'm so sorry" he whispered hurrying after him. "What the hell, Dean?"

"Oh lighten up, they don't know you and they don't care" Dean said with a scoff. "Come on, I want pie"

Castiel rolled his eyes following him as they went to the cake section were Dean threw in doughnuts for Jess and stopped at the pies.

"No apple, cherry it is then" he murmured looking a little disgruntled.

"You look upset by this"

"Apple is my favourite" he muttered wrinkling his nose a little. Castiel stared up at him and smiled softly.

"Get the little ones?"

"They are not the same!" Dean protested wheeling off towards the alcohol.

Castiel rolled his eyes at him for acting like a little child but again followed after him choosing to tease him instead, his own little fun. Whilst they were paying Dean bent over to pick something out of the trolley, Castiel ran his fingers down his lower back ticking the skin underneath. Dean straightened immediately knocking the trolley backwards knocking down a load of sweets. Castiel bit his lip as people stared at Dean who turned back to him glaring.

"Stop it" he warned turning back around to the cashier who eyed them both up and down in concern. Castiel grinned innocently watching as Dean snatched his change and walked out tugging him with him.

"That was my sensitive spot, you know what that does"

"Oh I do…how horny are you about now?" Castiel whispered mischievously.

"Get in the car" Dean ordered shaking his head at him as he unpacked it into the boot. Dean slid into the car staring her up as he ignored Castiel's stare till they got back.

"You are pure evil" Dean said when he rubbed a hand up his thigh.

"I'm having fun"

"Two hours in as well?"

"Dean, it's now 10pm am I not allowed my fun this late at night?"

"I wasn't protesting" Dean said with a poker face but couldn't hide the amusement in his eyes. Castiel hid his smile looking down to his lap and couldn't remember the last time he had smiled this much, Dean did something to him and whatever it was it wasn't going anywhere fast.

~0~

They lay together in bed after another session and were both exhausted. Dean was sitting up in bed with Castiel lying by his side dosing on and off while he ate his pie. He licked his lips humming in delight, cherry was actually rather good. He thrust some at Castiel who protested that he was still full from dinner and chose to draw idly on his arms. Dean shrugged actually delighted he didn't have to share with him, he hated sharing.

An idea occurred to him as he glanced down to Castiel who was staring down the length of his arm drawing patterns with his nail. Dean shivered liking the feeling more than he realised and turned to look at the pie in his hand which was cold and full of filling. He smirked looking down to Castiel again who now had his eyes closed.

"Cas" he said throwing the cover back exposing him to the cold air making him yelp and scowl deeply. Dean grinned moving in between his legs and shushed him.

"Experiment time"

Castiel felt fear flutter in his ribcage and he gasped when Dean spread filling on his collarbone and sucked it clean off. Castiel groaned and surprised himself at how good it felt as his warm tongue stroked and sucked off the filling.

"Good?"

"Do it again" Castiel murmured watching him stroke a finger down his chest and licking the filling off him. He smacked his lips together and hummed approving.

"You are really warm and it tastes amazing" he whispered bending closer kissing him hard. Castiel groaned stroking his tongue into his mouth tasting the cherry and sucked on his tongue wanting more. Dean pulled away moving further down and gasped when a thought popped into his head.

"My favourite place" he whispered when Castiel realised what he meant and threw back his head with a low moan.

"Yes, god, yes!" he hissed when Dean slid the red filling across his inner thigh and held it still as he licked it off slowly. Castiel moaned watching the pink tongue flick in and out swallowing down with some hums of approval. His heart rate picked up as he wriggled underneath him. Dean finished off by biting down onto the skin sucking it hard enough to leave a bright red hickey. He laughed lightly moving up to his chest as Castiel panted glaring up at him.

"You know exactly what you are doing"

"I do" Dean muttered making a mini pie on his chest as he put a dollop on with a tiny piece of crust. He smiled at him before bending down and eating it off his chest letting his teeth scrape across the skin which only turned Castiel on more.

"Bastard" he hissed up at him.

"You love it" he murmured bringing him up to his chest and kissing him slowly. Castiel couldn't help wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him back with more passion. He was sticky and exhausted but this didn't stop him, nothing could stop him.

"Was Gabriel right?" he wondered pulling away from Dean to let him eat the rest of his pie and swallowed nervously looking to the dark window. It would explain things, it would explain a lot for Castiel who sat back feeling nerves flutter in his stomach. The sex was great, it would always be great and it only seemed to get better but what if it was more?

Castiel shifted uncomfortable and climbed out going to get washed before he slept and stared at himself in the mirror. He knew this was all pretend, this was make believe and games but in his heart he knew he was too old for games. He wanted more than that, he wanted more than lying, giving away his money and meaningless sex that meant nothing to Dean but much more to him. He sighed thumping the sink and caught a glance of his wedding ring still on; he slid it off and rolled it around his fingers.

"Goodbye for now" he murmured pocketing it and patting it gently. To any other man or woman out there he was a single man but he wasn't and he never could be. He knew it was foolish and stupid to fall in love with a man like Dean but you can't help who you fall in love with, you never can and his heart decided who it would finally be. It had to be the worst, most complicated situation in the world and it was only going to get worse and that was a promise.

**A/N: Ha, I had to do that pie bit! Anyway, enjoy guys!**


	7. Chapter 7

Friday arrived quickly then they both anticipated and the loud knocking on the front door first thing in the morning did no justice to the both of them.

"You have got to be kidding me" Dean muttered opening one eye glancing to the clock to see it was actually 10am and perfectly alright for the arrival of a brother. He glanced over to Castiel who sat up looking sleepy and smirked.

"You look good in the mornings"

"How?" he croaked rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly.

"You just do, come on then, let's let them in" he muttered hopping out pulling on his jeans and walked to the front door and opening it.

"Sammy!" Dean cried looking to them both as Jessica smiled at him while Sam frowned.

"You've just been asleep haven't you?"

"Yeah, long night" he said with a smirk while Sam grimaced shoving his way in closely followed by a heavily pregnant Jess.

"Jess, glowing as ever"

"Hey" she said pecking his cheek. "Is he here?"

"In the bedroom getting decent" he said casually shutting the door. Castiel heard the chattering and blushed hard covering his face.

"Get a grip" he hissed straightening up and opening the door feeling the first steps of shyness creep up on him. Dean smirked raising an eyebrow at him as he stepped out looking over to Sam and Jessica. He looked at the bump first and up to Jess, he couldn't deny how beautiful she really was. Castiel eyed her carefully taking in the loose blonde curls and soft smile on her lips.

"You're Castiel?"

"Yes, it's nice to meet you, Jess and this must be Sam" he said turning his attention to the taller but younger brother and seeing wariness in his eyes but kindness overshadowing them.

"Yeah, Castiel, my brother's boyfriend"

Castiel walked over standing next to Dean and taking hold of his hand squeezing it tight. Dean met his eyes and widened them in an attempt to tell him to calm down, it was okay.

"So how long have you two been together?" Jess said sitting down with a huff stroking he bump.

"Few weeks" Dean replied letting go of his hand and walking around him as he sat down. Castiel smirked following him and perched on the rest.

"Oh don't be so modest, it's been shorter than that" he said with a small smile.

Dean looked up at him and rolled his eyes in response.

"I've lost track"

Jess giggled staring at the both of them in wonder. "You two are in the first stage of the relationship when it's all sex, sex, sex and sex"

Sam grimaced trying not to think of Dean like that ever again and tapped her on the knee.

"I'm just saying! I remember when we were like that!"

"And two years later here we are"

Jess smiled at him stroking a hand over her bump and smiling at him.

Castiel's heart ached at the sight of them and he felt jealously of a different kind. They were happy, in love, and expecting their first child in a clearly loving and happy relationship. He couldn't deny for one second that was what he wanted, he wanted that kind of connection, that love were you can just look at the man or woman you love and know 100% that they were yours. He inwardly sighed looking down at his lap not really listening as Dean, Sam, and Jess talked about the travel up.

"Cas?" Dean said shaking him and he looked up to see the two of them staring at him.

"Sorry, lost in thought, anyone hungry?"

"Starving!" Jess said with a sigh. "I was hoping someone would bring that up"

"What do you want?" Dean said amused.

Jess mused tilting her head side to side and gasped when an idea popped into her head.

"Pancakes with maple syrup"

"We don't have that but the café down the road does" Dean said looking around. "Breakfast out anyone?"

"That sounds good" Sam said with a nod but then indicated to their bags.

"You and Jess can have my room; me and Cas will have the couch"

"You're staying?" Jess asked while Sam got up moving their bags into Dean's bedroom.

"Yes, apparently so" he said running a hand into Dean's hair scraping the scalp gently. Dean shuddered looking up to him running a hand down Castiel's thigh before jumping up and announcing he was getting ready. Jess smirked looking down at the floor.

"What?" Castiel questioned.

"Oh nothing, we barely know each other but I must say that you two make an attractive couple"

"Why thank you" he said flushing and looking to the bedroom where Sam and Dean were now talking.

"I must say the same about you and Sam; your child will be beautiful"

"Oh don't you dare! You'll make me cry and I'm already so hormonal" she said struggling up and sighing. "Could you…?"

Castiel nodded jumping up and grabbing her hands as he hauled her up.

"Thank you" she said sweetly fixing the blue scarf that illuminated her eyes and sighing. "Sam, Dean?"

"We're coming" Dean said walking out and throwing his keys in the air and catching them like he was in some sort of film. "Well come on then"

Castiel pulled on his coat and followed him out as they entered the brisk morning air and walked down.

"So what are you studying Sam?"

"Law, a difficult subject but I really am enjoying it"

"Oh god, nerds united" Dean mumbled to Jess who smiled.

"So where do you meet him?"

"Bar"

"Wow, how cliché" she said with a smirk linking her arm into his. "What was it? Love at first sight?"

"No, he looked gorgeous, I was drunk and I wanted him. I got him, I took him home and well…that's how it started"

"How sweet in an unusual way, so let me guess! Texting, phone calls?"

"Yeah something like that" he muttered sheepishly turning around the corner listening to Sam and Castiel talk in depth about law. He rolled his eyes at the thought that it hadn't even been half an hour yet and he already knew that Sam and Jessica liked him.

They arrived at the café which thankfully for Castiel was not "his" and he could relax without Jo, Ash or Ellen on his case. He sat down next to Dean who thrust the menu at him and opened his own while Jess sat back already knowing what she wanted. She chose to watch Dean and Castiel very carefully.

They made their orders to the bored looking waiter who seemed pissed about working this early on a Friday. She watched as Castiel made his order and turned to Dean for confirmation who ordered the same. Castiel smirked shaking his head at him as Dean chuckled grazing his hand over his and settled back. Jess pursued her lips trailing her fingers up and down the bump distractedly while Dean talked to Sam, she watched as Castiel watched Dean. The emotion in his eyes was undeniable, windows to his soul, feelings, and every emotion. Jess saw, devotion, adoration and something very familiar to Jess as she felt it towards Sam and she couldn't quite believe it was in his eyes already.

"So, boy or girl?" Castiel said making her jump out of her thoughts.

"Oh we don't know, I think it's a girl while he thinks it's a boy" she said nudging Sam who nodded.

"It's a boy"

"It's a girl!" she protested while he chuckled placing a hand on the bump. "Can we not argue over the sex of our baby again?"

"Two weeks and I prove you wrong, sweetheart" she said teasingly.

Castiel felt that ache again and glanced over to Dean who was watching his brother and Jess with an amused but fond look. He longed for that but he didn't long for that with Anna, no he longed for that with someone else entirely and who happened to be sitting on his right.

"I am so fucked" he thought staring forward and looking up when the waiter brought over their food. Jess sighed happily immediately tucking in. Castiel looked down to his breakfast now feeling queasy and chose to poke and eat bits of it. The three of them struck up a conversation about baby plans, jobs, and exams which Castiel half listened to and mentally scolded himself for being so stupid. He jumped when he heard the chair scrape towards him and an arm wrap around his shoulder, a warm mouth pressed to his ear.

"What's wrong?" he muttered.

"Nothing, just feel a little queasy" he whispered back to him looking up to meet his eyes. Dean looked back into his eyes and pressed his lips against his softly.

"You sure?"

"Positive" he murmured back with a small smile.

"I'm trying to eat here" Sam said waving his fork at them.

Dean pulled back sneering at him and picked up his sausage taking a bite and grinning at the disgusted look her got back.

"Pig, eat your breakfast" he muttered turning to Jess who couldn't help but laugh.

"I really think I'm going to enjoy our stay"

~0~

They spent the rest of their Friday together taking them around the sights of Kansas where Jess insisted she got baby clothes and dragged Castiel around with her.

"Oh my god look at these!" she squealed picking a pair of dungarees up. "But the price…"

Castiel looked at her pout and rolled his eyes amused taking them off her. "A present from me"

"Oh! No, you shouldn't…" she gasped but he held them away laughing.

"I insist, Jessica, now go look around while I pay" he said walking to the counter. He paid for them and turned to see her excitedly telling Sam who walked into the shop.

"Wow… thanks" Sam said throwing him a small appreciating smile while Dean threw his arm around him.

"Well aren't you full of surprises"

"I had money and it was worth it for the baby"

"She's going to look amazing" Jess cooed holding it on her bump.

"Yes, _he _is going to look amazing" Sam said and ducked when she went to hit him.

"You two really!" Dean cried tugging Castiel with him as they left the store together. Castiel smirked holding the hand of the one wrapped around his shoulders.

"This is going well"

"They really like you, Jess simply adores you and Sam told me despite the weirdness of his brother having a boyfriend, I chose a good one and he's happy for me" he said.

Castiel looked up to him to see a hint of sadness in his eyes but watched it fade when Sam and Jess came out bickering.

"Look at you two! You're like an old married couple! I swear if me and Cas become like you two, I'll shoot myself"

"I'll stop you before that happens" Castiel said as they helped Jess with her other shopping bags and hauled them back to the car.

"Oh how sweet" Dean purred while Castiel raised a finger at him.

Dean chuckled opening the boot and chuckling them in. The drive back to the apartment was pleasant enough as Jess protested about being in pain, being hungry and needing sleep.

"Two weeks, dude, two weeks" Dean said to Sam who raised an eyebrow amused. "Then it gets worse"

Sam groaned and silenced when Jess kicked the back seat.

"Oh sorry for being a pain" she snapped.

Castiel grimaced stroking her shoulder gently while she huffed and sat back feeling uncomfortable but satisfied with the comfort of the backseat. They arrived back in no time at all and let themselves in while Jess insisted she go for a lie down.

"Babe, get me a hot water bottle?" Jess pleaded when Sam got her settled.

"Okay" he said pulling it out and running the hot water while she settled down and grimaced.

"They've had sex in this bed"

Sam cringed walking back in. "Thanks for that mental image, love, here you go. Now sleep for a bit"

Jess nodded reaching up and kissing him briefly before lying back down and closing her eyes. Sam left her to it and wandered back into the living area standing at the bedroom door to see Castiel and Dean speaking in hushed tones while Castiel straddled Dean. Sam watched as Castiel murmured something making Dean laugh and nod pressing a brief kiss to his lips and pulling away.

Sam coughed making his presence known startling Castiel out of his lap and go bright red embarrassed.

"Drink" Castiel muttered scampering out and towards the kitchen.

"Problem, Sammy?"

"None at all, Dean, and it's Sam"

"I know, Sammy" he said with a wicked grin.

Sam huffed giving him a bitch face in return while he turned on the television and settled down watching an old cookery programme. Dean got up walking into the kitchen to see Castiel making a cup of coffee and came up behind him.

"You were like a scolded cat then"

"I didn't expect to see Sam there" Castiel murmured turning to look at him and smile.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting strange most of the day and it's now 4.30"

"I'm fine, just nerves over this"

"We've been fine all day, more than fine actually" Dean said smugly grabbing a biscuit and crunching it down. Castiel nodded looking down and pulling out his phone.

"No call from Anna despite my texts and phone calls" he whispered.

"She must be busy with her sister, I wouldn't worry about it"

"I do worry, I have to worry, it's my job to worry"

"Well guess what as your "boyfriend" I am telling you to stop worrying! It's irritating and stupid, so give up and stop it now" he said placing two hands on his shoulders. Castiel looked up at him staring into the green eyes open and filled with laughter. He sighed not caring of what Dean thought or anyone else as he wrapped his arms around his neck and kissing him hard. Dean pulled back a little shocked but yielded pressing his hands on his hips and meeting his kiss as he edged his tongue into his mouth.

Sam glanced over to him and grimaced at the flood of childhood memories flooding back to him and fixated on the TV instead. Dean moaned when Castiel stroked the back of his neck opening his mouth wider giving him more entry as their tongues slid against each other in a slow dance. Castiel drew back inhaling deeply staring up at Dean's eyes which were now blown in lust and want. He smirked drawing him back in and groaning when Dean forced him back into the cupboards with a bang.

"Oh god…I really don't want a sex show" Sam called to them and nodded when they turned to face him. Dean grimaced pressing his forehead to Castiel's cheek as he grinned amused turning to look back at him with a shrug.

"Maybe later lover" he murmured.

Dean growled low and let Castiel unwind his arms and go join Sam on the couch.

~0~

It struck midnight when Sam groaned.

"Bedtime for me, night guys" he said waving to Dean and Castiel who nodded mumbling goodnight. Castiel leaned on Dean's shoulder feeling boneless and tired but Dean was wide awake and still feeling horny from hours before. He looked to his bedroom door and back to Castiel who grabbed the pillow and blanket settling it down.

"This is why shopping exhausts me out" he murmured dropping onto the pillow. Dean smirked to himself undressing quickly till he was naked and turned to Castiel who eyed him.

"What?"

"Well…are you going to bed dressed?"

"No" Castiel muttered stripping off into his t-shirt and underwear.

Dean raised an eyebrow shaking his head. "Oh no, we are finishing what we started at the kitchen"

"Your brother and his girlfriend are over there" he hissed shocked watching him move towards him in the darkness now the television was off.

"We are going to have to be very, very, quiet" he hissed pulling his t-shirt off and sliding his cold hands into his underwear making him gasp as he slid them off. His hands squeezed his ass cheeks making him grit his teeth and wriggle down into the couch as Dean settled in between his thighs.

"We're going to play a little game" he whispered squeezing and kneading the cheeks carefully erupting small moans from Castiel. "Whoever makes the loudest sound loses and therefore has to be punished…severely"

He said the last word and slapped his cheek hard, Castiel bit down on his lip fighting a scream that left him breathless.

"Game on" he murmured when Dean moved down kissing his neck slowly licking and biting down the skin peppering them with little red marks. Castiel gaped and breathed out hard wanting nothing more to moan but knew the punishment would be a bad one. Dean grinned into the skin spreading his hands down his ribcage before murmuring into his ear.

"Thighs" he whispered and closed his eyes chuckling breathlessly when he moaned weakly shaking his head. Dean nodded moving down his chest pressing warm kisses across his nipples and taking it into his mouth sucking hard. Castiel gasped lightly wrapping a hand into his hair and scraping the scalp knowing it made him wriggle like a wild man as he shuddered and moaned weakly spreading Castiel's legs as he went down on him.

"I'm going to make you scream" Dean whispered up to him. Castiel whimpered into his hand when he pressed a kiss to his hard cock and slid a tongue down it gently. It was like a butterfly wing and the shiver that ran through him felt like an electric shock and he gasped into his hand shaking his head. Dean trailed his cold hands down the inner thighs feeling them quiver and shake as Castiel moaned turning his head into the pillow.

"Dean, please" he hissed into the darkness.

"Patience" he whispered kissing along the right thigh softly licking and biting the skin till he was practically shaking with need. Dean felt guilty but it faded as he bit down into the soft flesh which made him cry out muffled into the pillow. Dean grinned looking to the bedroom door and moved up pressing his lips to his and kissing him quickly.

"You are such a screamer"

"Fuck me" Castiel whispered pulling his hair emitting a low groan from him. Dean grabbed his hands pinning them down before letting go and getting the lube from under the couch.

"I am fully prepared for whenever" he whispered down to him as he slicked his fingers. "No noise, remember, I will punish you"

Castiel nodded quickly pressing his lips together in a tight line when he slid a finger inside the deep heat. He scissored his fingers moaning himself at the warm tightness in Castiel and removed them quickly pushing his hips up and sliding inside him in one fluid movement. Castiel gasped silently when he felt the intrusion sliding his legs as wide as they could go on the couch feeling filled. Sparks of pain ran up and down his spine but it quickly resided as he rolled his hips up towards him wanting more as Dean thrusted inside him slowly gaining pace as he they stared into each other's eyes.

Castiel moaned softly when he tenderly kissed his neck and arched his chest up against his as they rocked together trying to make as little noise as possible. The danger of being caught or heard turned them on even more as they rushed towards a messy finish with Dean crying out into the pillow underneath Castiel and Castiel biting his lip till it bled as he climaxed into Dean's hand. They lay together panting and Dean moved up kissing him softly before pulling out and moving him over.

"We're even, I won't punish you" he murmured as they spooned each other. Castiel smirked into his own arm and sighed feeling Dean's warm breathe ghosting the back of his neck. He was happy. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this happy and the fact it was ending in two days broke his heart, he needed this, he wanted this but the main problem was, how did he get it without hurting the ones he loved?

**A/N: Here you go! Feedback would be really appreciated! Even if it's just a sentence! I love reading reviews, they make my day.**


	8. Chapter 8

A bang woke Castiel up as he looked up and around startled. Dean stirred next to him throwing an arm over his eyes with a sigh narrowly missing Castiel who scowled nudging him.

"Sorry" a voice said and he looked up to Jess who was in the kitchen looking sheepish.

"It's okay" he said untangling his legs from Dean's, pulling on his underwear and jeans before getting up to join her as she made toast and coffee.

"Want some?"

"Just a coffee" he murmured leaning against the counter while she stirred it silently.

"So you two" she said looking over to Dean. "Is it serious?"

"I don't know yet" he murmured softly taking the coffee over her.

"But you love him don't you?"

"What?" he said startled.

"I see it in your eyes when you look at him"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" he murmured closing his eyes and sitting down at the table. "I don't know how I feel about him; it's only been a week"

"What?" she said confused turning towards him.

He gasped and looked up at her. "Weeks I meant, it's only been a few weeks"

Jess frowned wincing a little as the baby kicked her and frowned. "Do you want to know how I fell in love with Sam?"

"Yes"

"I met him at a party, we were introduced and he came out of nowhere…I instantly liked him. We talked, we flirted and exchanged numbers and from then on we were inseparable"

"Love at first sight?"

Jess chuckled shaking her head. "Not like that, I just…fell in love! It was so easy, so simple and nothing like people make it out to be! If you love him, you love him simple as" she said sipping her coffee. "Don't question it and don't doubt it"

Castiel stared at her amazed and looked down at the table. "Wow, it's like you are meant to be"

"Maybe" she said with a chuckle stroking down her bump. "I have never been more uncomfortable, men are so lucky! You don't have to do this, your job is done"

Castiel smirked at her and looked up at Dean and stared.

"Um, Dean, morning glory" he murmured with a smirk when Dean looked down and then up blushing hard seeing Jess.

"Oh shit!" he said running out and towards the bathroom.

"I'll be right back" he murmured getting up leaving her to chuckle into her breakfast. He tapped the door opening up to see Dean splashing water into his face.

"Come to sort me out?" Dean said with a wink when Castiel slid over with a raised eyebrow.

"You would walk into the kitchen completely naked with company"

"You already know me so well" he said with a smirk running a hand into his hair. Castiel pressed his lips together with a small shrug looking down to his erection and back up to him.

"Do you want me to sort it out?"

Dean hesitated knowing that this would be the first time he would touch him like that and the answer "yes" was on his tongue but alarm bells rang in his head.

"No, I'm okay, Cas"

Dean saw the disappointment fill Cas' eyes and he looked away feeling his own share of guilt.

"I'm gonna get a shower" he said indicating at him to leave. Castiel nodded rushing out before he could any anything else and sighed seeing Sam and Jess in the kitchen. He watched as Sam ran his fingers through her curls as they talked softly, his heart ached at the sight and he looked back to the bathroom door before darting into the bedroom.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid" he hissed pacing up and down running his hands into his hair. "Why do I do this to myself!"

"You alright?" Sam said walking in and seeing him pacing.

"Oh, yes, I…I'm just a little stressed at the moment"

"My brother?"

"No, it isn't Dean…its personal matters" he said sitting down on the bed.

"Involving Dean?"

"No, it's myself"

"Oh right" Sam muttered closing the door behind him.

Castiel looked up brow furrowing in confusion to the closed door. "Did you want to talk to me?"

"You're not breaking up with him are you? I know we don't know each other that well but I saw you yesterday, I see you now and personal matters? You are not going to pull that "It's not you, it's me crap" on him are you?"

"What? No, god no, I'm not breaking up with him…I'm just having difficulties with personal issues with myself, not Dean, not our relationship but me"

Sam nodded folding his arms. "Can I help you with it?"

He laughed breathlessly and shook his head. "I'll be fine, thank you for your concern, Sam"

Dean suddenly entered and frowned looking at Sam and Castiel confused.

"What-what's going on?"

"Nothing, we were just talking" Sam said with a shrug looking over to Castiel for confirmation. He nodded and looked down at the carpet ignoring Dean's questioning stare as Sam left shutting the door behind him.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Dean demanded.

"Nothing, we were talking, Dean"

"About?"

"Nothing of import" he muttered getting up to get dressed when Dean gripped his wrist tugging him back.

"It looked important, what did you tell him?"

"Nothing, Dean, he questioned me about us because he thought I was breaking up with you, he was concerned for your welfare that's all" he said wrenching his hand away and moving to get dressed again.

"Looked rather cosy" he snapped.

"Dean, is this your insane way of hinting you are actually jealous?"

"Jealous? Jealous of what?" he cried letting him go when Castiel shoved him away.

"I was talking to your brother, your very straight brother in fact, and you come in here and are acting like this" he said throwing his hands up at him.

Dean batted them away with a scowl. "I thought you told him"

"What? That me and you aren't actually together and are just fucking each other for pleasure and money? Oh of course, Dean"

Dean rolled his eyes moving away to get dressed. "Okay, smartass, I get it"

Castiel sighed pulling on his own clothes and running his fingers into his hair staring out the window at the new day. Arm wrapped around his waist making him jump and look back at him startled.

"I love it when you do that to your hair"

"Fluff it up?"

"Yeah, looks like we've just had sex"

Castiel smirked wistfully ignoring the fact that only moment ago they argued and leaned his head against his just for a moment before Dean let go.

"I'm starving" he muttered coughing nervously.

Castiel sighed at the loss of warmth and tenderness that came from that moment, it surprised him, but he liked it. He turned to see Dean's retreating back and felt the disappointment in his heart grow and grow.

Dean walked into the kitchen to see Jess balancing a cup of her stomach grinning delighted.

"A skill you men will never know!"

"When's the birth?"

"A few weeks" Sam said with a small smile drinking his coffee. "She is so big already though"

Jess frowned at him dropping the cup back on the table.

"As soon as she is born, I am going the gym, I miss my figure"

Sam rolled his eyes in response to her and patted her hand. "I love you whatever you look like"

"Will you love me when I look like a whale after the birth?"

"You will have just given birth to my son, I will love you more than you could ever imagine"

Dean grimaced throwing a towel at the both of them in disgust.

"Fucking hell, you two are so loved up its actually sickening"

"Maybe you and Cas will be like us one day"

"Oh calling him by his nickname already are we?" Dean said amused.

"Yes, it suits him much better" Jess said turning her head and grinning when Castiel walked back into the kitchen.

"What suits me so much better?"

"Your nickname, it's much better" she said with a simple smile turning back to Sam who muttered about wanting the newspaper.

Castiel glanced up to Dean before moving along and grabbing his lukewarm coffee and making another.

"Are you alright?" Dean whispered into his ear.

"Fine" he murmured stirring it and moving away from him and into the living area. He pulled out his phone and was surprised to see 2 messages from Anna.

_Hey, sorry I haven't phoned you. _

_Rachel has been a nightmare! I have also been thinking. _

_I'll try tonight. _

_Anna. _

_I'll call you tonight about six. _

Castiel sighed dropping it onto the table and massaged his forehead feeling a migraine coming on. Dean watched him from the kitchen and sighed knowing they weren't showing a good enough front right now and he knew Sam and Jess were starting to question it.

He pushes off and storms towards him sitting down hard next to him making Castiel jolt and stiffen.

"What is wrong with you? You have woken up in a foul mood and I don't know why but stop it now, they are starting to notice and even Sam is starting to question you for some goddam reason! I don't need this, you are here for one reason and one reason only so do your damn job" he hissed at him hearing the menace in his voice.

Castiel's eyes filled with horror at his words and he slowly turned his head to look at him. He set his jaw and nodded tightly.

"Wouldn't want to ruin that now would we?" he hissed shoving him away and getting up.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"Out" he hissed at him grabbing his jacket.

Dean whirled astounded ignoring Sam and Jess's questioning looks as he followed him out grabbing his wrist and slamming him against the brick wall. Castiel whimpered as his back protested and Dean pressed him against it.

"Why are you being like this?"

"Let go of me" he murmured struggling with his grip. He sighed giving up looking towards the sky and back to him.

"Give me an hour or two okay? I have a lot going on in my head and I can't stand being stuck in that flat one more minute"

"They're going to think it's them you know?"

"Then set them straight and tell them a different story" he mumbled waiting for Dean to let him go. Dean stepped back allowing him to leave and stared at the brick wall as he stalked off towards the stairs and out the apartments.

He returned back inside to see Sam standing up with a puzzled frown and Jess with him.

"What's happened?"

"Nothing, he's woken up weird" he muttered sitting down turning on the television.

Sam glanced to Jess who shrugged at him. "It's nothing to do with us"

Dean heard that and sighed tapping his fingers on the couch wondering what could possibly be going through their minds and Castiel's.

~0~

Castiel looked down to his watch and cringed, he had been gone for more than three hours. He had just been sitting in the park, he watched as children played in the park, couples walking dogs, teenagers fooling around and just the general public live there life. Castiel watched the couples full of envy as they joked and held hands with each other; he took his wedding ring out of his pocket and held it in his fingers watching as the light blinked off it.

He knew now that he should have listened to Gabriel, he should have never married Anna, it only had brought months of unwanted pain, denial and self-loathing more for him and not for her. His feelings for Dean were more profound now and he couldn't deny them anymore, he knew now that he felt more for Dean and as it closed towards near enough two weeks that he knew him, he was slowly falling in love.

Castiel didn't know what love felt like, he knew the love he felt for his family and Anna was a family love but falling in love, wanting to be with this person, wanting to hold them, kiss them, laugh with them and fall hopelessly under over and over again was all foreign and unnerving for him.

His phone buzzed making him jump and he pulled it out answering it.

"Where the fucking hell are you?" Dean questioned.

"In the park"

"For three hours?"

"Yes, I needed to think"

"About what? An hour you said, I look like a right fool right now! Get back here now all smiles and happy please?" he whispered down the phone.

"Okay"

Castiel heard the click of the phone and huffed setting off back "home"

He arrived to see Jess sleeping on Sam's shoulder as they watched television together. Dean looked up at him as he shut the door behind him and nodded at them all in hello before walking into the kitchen. Sam looked to Dean who nodded getting up and following him.

"All better now are we?"

"Yes, I've thought a few things over"

"Anything you care to share with the class or preferably me?"

Castiel smirked flashing his eyes at him and shaking his head. "Mind your business"

Dean went to protest but was silenced by Castiel's lips sealing over his and he happily kissed him back surprised. Arms wrapped around Dean's neck and his own slid down Castiel to his hips as they kissed lazily.

"I'm sorry" he whispered against his lips.

"It's alright" Dean murmured with a shrug. "But you are making dinner tomorrow"

"Fine"

"Anna is calling me later so I'll need privacy"

"I'll take Sam and Jess to the pub"

Castiel raised an eyebrow at him.

"She'll have a coke" he murmured rubbing the back of his neck and smirking at him.

Castiel nodded unwinding his arms and going to the fridge to get something to eat. Dean sighed licking his lips and watching his ass appreciatively. He didn't understand why he felt like his heart was taking a beating and his stomach churned when Castiel was in a mood or being weird for him, the last three hours hadn't been pleasant and his snappiness came from nowhere.

"Oh you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Dean, I just need food and I'll be the perfect doting boyfriend" he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Dean instead saw pain and longing that made his stomach twist and his eyes look away in fear. He nodded turning back away and into the living room nodding again at Sam's questioning gaze.

Later on that day, Dean brought up a meal in the local pub and Castiel refused saying he felt sick and he would see them after.

"Don't get drunk" he murmured kissing Dean gently and smiling when he tickled behind his neck.

"I promise, we all promise"

"I'm pregnant, I'll come back sober as you" Jess said with a sad sigh but smiled all the same. Castiel waved them out and slammed the door behind them looking around the empty apartment. His gaze switched to the clock on the wall to see it was near enough 6pm and he waited near the phone patiently. He drifted off into a daydream of last night on the couch and his cock twitched in interest, he was about to set it right when his phone rang and he answered it quickly.

"Hello, Castiel"

"Anna, it's good to see hear from you"

"I know I am so sorry I didn't call you" she said so formally he grimaced.

"Anna…"

"No listen to me, I'm sorry, I should have let you know I was okay and I have been thinking…I have been thinking a lot about us and…" she said trailing off. "I don't wish to do this on the phone with you, this needs to be done at home"

Fear struck in his heart and he instantly knew what this was about.

"Monday then"

"Yes, this needs sorting out, Castiel. We need to sort this out"

"I know we do"

Anna sighed trailing a hand into her hair. "I feel like I am speaking to a work colleague and not my husband"

Castiel closed his eyes nodding. "I know"

"I'll speak to you on Monday, Cas" she whispered and he heard the dial tone before he could respond and he closed his eyes removing the phone from his ear. The end of his marriage was in sight, it was a heart-breaking but comforting notion. Wrongs could be fixed, he could move on and he knew who he wanted to move on with but the big question was did Dean feel the same way about him.

~0~

Dean sipped his drink listening to Sam talking about Stanford and the new flat they were thinking about.

"I'm just so glad that this baby gets two uncles! I really hope you two stay together, Dean, you suit each so well, don't they Sam?"

"Bit weird coming from me but you do" Sam said in agreement.

Dean faked a smile and chuckle but nodded in reply. His thoughts wandered off and his stomach did that strange flipping thing he couldn't get his head around. He knew it would confuse and upset them both when he called them in a week to tell them that him and Castiel had broken up but that was how it was meant to be. Dean wouldn't allow that final "rule" to be broken, he couldn't. Castiel was a client like all the rest and for Dean that would never change.

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! They do make me smile! So please give me more? **


	9. Chapter 9

Sunday arrived quicker than they all anticipated and before they knew it, it was time to say goodbye to Sam and Jess.

"It was so nice to meet you! I can tell you make him happy" Jess said as she hugged Castiel the best she could.

"Thank you" he said sincerely kissing her cheek and placing two hands on the bump.

"I hope to maybe one day see you and this little one here"

"Of course you will! You're family now and this your niece"

Castiel felt his heart skip a beat and he smiled at her with a nod. "Thank you, Jess, you have no idea what that means to be"

Dean coughed nervously moving him out of the way and hugging her gingerly. "Take care"

"I will, there will be a new addition to this party soon"

Sam rolled his eyes at her with a smile as she clapped and walked out the door.

"I'll call you" Sam said giving him a hug. Dean patted his back with a nod.

Sam turned to Castiel holding out his hand which he took and they shook once.

"Nice to meet you also, hopefully see you again at the birth" he said with a smile that made his eyes shine.

"Me too"

Dean looked away following Sam out as they walked to the car where Jess was waiting.

"I've applied for a job, It's an interview for Monday and it looks hopeful. I can do my exams, work and take care of the baby"

"Oh and kill yourself at the same time? Jesus, Sam, I told you, I'll handle the money for you two"

"We appreciate it, Dean, we really do, but we need to make our own way in the world now and my parents are very happy to help out" Jess said with a small smile. "So keep the money and get out of these dreadful apartments! Buy a house, spoil Cas, build a future together"

Dean felt his stomach clench at her words and nodded wordlessly. He waved them off when they drove off out of the apartments and stood there staring into space for a long moment. Castiel waited patiently in the bedroom packing away his things slowly till he heard the click on the door and turned to see Dean stroll in.

"They get off okay?"

"Yeah fine" Dean murmured distractedly. Castiel shrugged continuing to pack feeling Dean's watchful eyes on him and looked up at him confused.

_I could quit right now,_ Dean thought staring into those confused eyes. _Goodbye to whoring out, money, everything and just quit. _

But reality hit him the most and he realised that despite the tempting thought of quitting and never ever seeing them god awful clients ever again was money. The money was so goddam good and he got it with doing his favourite thing in the world, sex. So while the job came from wanting to help Sam and Jess, Dean was keeping it for the sake of money and endless sex without the prospect of commitment, relationship and the scariest word in the world for Dean which was love.

"So! Hadn't you better be going? But thanks for this, Cas, you've been amazing" he said clapping his hands together once.

"Um, yes, I guess so" Castiel said startled zipping his bag up and holding it in one hand. "I…I guess I'll see you around"

"Sure" he said stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Castiel wavered not sure what to do as he moved towards the door and stopped turning towards him.

"So is this it? Dean, I…"

"Go home, Cas" he said simply looking up at him. "Go get some sleep, go to work, and see your wife. You did a good job as acting like my "doting boyfriend" but that's it now, all done, all sorted and in a week or maybe two I'll tell them that we broke up"

His jaw set and his eyes narrowed at Dean who shrugged at him.

"Why did I ever agree to this? This was the biggest mistake!"

"What?"

Castiel shook his head moving to the front door and opening it up before turning back to him one more time.

"Is it possible to consider in your tiny, stupid, mind that I did this for a reason? I did this for _you; _I did this because I wanted to because I care about _you_, Dean"

"It's only been like two weeks, why would you possibly care?"

"I don't know, Dean, you tell me" he said walking out and closing the door behind him. Dean stared at the closed door possibly feeling more confused than ever and he didn't like it. He stepped out looking around the now empty flat and scratched the top of his head feeling that slow ebb of loneliness he hadn't felt all weekend.

He grabbed the phone dialling the agency and sighed in relief when Lil answered.

"Oh so the wanderer returns, how was your holiday?"

"Shut up, my brother was down, have I been missed?"

"Yes, your clients are not happy and the fact I had to send them to someone else did not bode well with them so if some do not return you can only blame yourself, sweetheart"

"Well if any calls tell them I'm free and up for anything" he said with a sniff glaring at the door.

"Sure thing, babe" she said hanging up and he sighed sitting down on the couch. He trailed his fingers across the pillow and did wonder if he would see Castiel again, it didn't seem likely. Dean turned on the television kicking back and folding his arms watching some old comedy programme he had seen on more than one occasion. It just wasn't the same without someone next to you and Dean had to admit to himself that he did miss the presence of Castiel leaning against his shoulder as they watched television.

After this little thought he mentally kicked himself, he was fine without Castiel, he survived weeks, months, even years without that man and he wasn't about to start pining for a guy who was supposed to be a client.

Dean kicked the table hard wincing at his sore toe. "Stupid Cas"

Castiel opened the front door and looked down at the letters on the mat with a sad sigh. It seemed strange to return to "normal" life and the thought of Anna returning home tomorrow to talk to him made his stomach roll. He trudged upstairs throwing his bag under the bed and dropped down on the covers opening the letters slowly.

"Bills" he muttered grimly tossing them on the bedside table. He stripped out of his clothes moving to the bathroom and getting out his sleeping pills. He rolled the pills in his hands and cocked his head wondering if he should do it, he suffered insomnia a few months ago but it slowly slipped away thankfully.

Castiel pursued his lips together nodding and pouring two into his hand and taking them back with water. He sighed moving back under the covers and stared at the empty place beside him with longing, he felt pathetic, he felt lonely, but was it really that bad to want someone to just hold you? He closed his eyes feeling a wave of darkness come over him and he welcomed sleep.

~0~

A loud beeping stirred Castiel out of his sleep and he woke up opening one eye and looking around the room confused and gasped sitting up.

"Oh no" he whispered staring at the clock. It was nearly 10am and he was now two hours later for work. He scrambled out of bed and down the stairs in a flash to see bags near the door and ran a hand in his hair picking up a note from Anna.

**Cas, **

**You were asleep so I didn't want to disturb you.**

**I am going straight to work and I will be back at 5.**

**We need a serious talk, so please be home.**

**Anna. **

Castiel bit his lip scrunching it up and tossing it away as he ran back upstairs to get dressed and get out of the door before Ellen fired his ass.

Jo bit her thumb staring at the door nervously. "Come on, you idiot!"

"You heard from him?" Ellen said standing beside her.

"No, this isn't like him, mom, and you know this as well! He always comes in…what if something is wrong?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know"

"He's probably hung over" Ash commented jokily tossing mushrooms into a pan and looking away sheepishly when Jo glared at him.

"Your opinion is invalid"

"Bitch" he muttered making her gasp and toss a towel at him. He smirked catching it and throwing it over his shoulder. She shook her head tapping nervously as she made new coffee.

Castiel rushed in making the customers jump and Jo as she gasped.

"Where the hell have you been?" she hissed at him when he wandered over.

"I took sleeping pills and I slept straight through my alarm"

"What? I thought you were pass that insomnia shit?" she questioned.

"I am…I had a strange weekend"

Jo narrowed her eyes looking over him. "Are you still seeing Dean?"

He avoided her eye contact but nodded all the same.

"You idiot! I told you to stop this, it was meant to be one night" Jo ranted slamming the door behind them despite Ellen's protests.

"Five minutes! He's late enough!" Ellen cried through the door.

"Why? Why are you still sleeping and paying the man?"

"Because he's like a drug! He's got underneath my skin, Jo, and no matter what I say to myself, what I do, he'll win because it's too good"

"The sex? Oh my god, how low can you get?"

"You recommended him to me" he hissed pointing a finger at her making her step back and stare at him. "I went to him under your instructions and look what's happened! My marriage is ending tonight!"

"What?" she whispered astonished.

"Anna needs to talk and I know her tone, it was over ages ago but neither of us wanted to accept it. So with a failed marriage, I am also in love with a prostitute who can never love me back"

Jo's mouth fell open and she stumbled back hitting the door stunned.

"You're in love with him?"

"I think so"

"You think so?"

He scrunched his nose up and shrugged. "I mean, I could be wrong but he's different, Jo. I know you know him but with me…he's so different. The sex is amazing, I'll give you that, but under that he's funny, he can make me smile without even realising it, he's so independent, strong minded, he adores his family, he's protective over them and he'll do anything for them…even whore himself out just so his own brother won't suffer" Castiel said staring space with a faraway look on his face.

"You just said that with the most affectionate look I have ever seen, Cas" Jo said crossing her arms. "It looks like someone cast their spell on you and you fell hard"

He blushed covering his face and sat down heavily in the chair. "What am I going to do?"

"Tell him"

"He wouldn't understand, Jo, he'd turn me away"

"You can't know that! What if he feels the same way?"

"He did make me pretend to be his boyfriend" he murmured running a finger on his thigh thoughtfully. Jo raised an eyebrow wondering how to tackle that.

"Is that some kinky game?"

He scoffed with laughter looking up at her confused expression.

"No, he told Sam by accident that I was his boyfriend so when he came down to visit I pretended to be his boyfriend. It worked out well"

"Sure…" Jo said trailing off. "I think what you should do is when the shift ends, you go home and you talk to Anna…whatever happens, happens, and then you go to Dean and you tell him"

"You think?"

"Yes, I highly recommended it! But come on, work time" she said pulling him up with a smile. He smiled weakly back and moved with her as they set off to work.

Castiel arrived home just after five to see the lights on and he opened the door to see Anna waiting in the hallway. She smiled softly at him and he answered her with a smile before closing the door behind him.

"Hello, Anna"

"Castiel, we need to talk"

"I know"

"Come sit down with me" she said leading him to the couch and waiting for him to sit down next to her. She shifted turning to face him and grabbed his hands.

"I have been thinking really hard about us, Castiel, we have been married now for nearly 8 months and I can't say they have been the happiest months of my life. I fell in love with you at the beginning, I can't deny that, but I don't think you fell in love with me"

"Anna…"

"No, let me say this" she said in a stern voice. "You didn't, you married me to appease your family and mine. I think you do love me but you are not in love with me, you do not love me like a husband should love a wife and I don't love you like a wife should love a husband. I love you like a friend or a brother now"

"I understand" he murmured.

"Do you love me?"

"I love you like my friend, my best friend" he said squeezing her hands.

She laughed and pulled back tossing her wavy hair and stared him in the eye.

"How foolish have we been?"

"Very"

Silence stretched between them till Anna turned back to him.

"I've met someone"

"Oh?"

"He's at work, he's…amazing, he's cute, he's funny and he really likes me as well"

"What's his name?"

"Victor"

"Zach's other personal assistant?"

"Yes! We've been getting really close lately"

Castiel nodded staring down at his hands. "Anna, as long as we're being honest…I have something to tell you"

Anna nodded urging him to continue.

"I have been lying to you from the start, from the very beginning, I have also been lying to myself and I know I should have never married you…I was ashamed"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm gay, Anna" he said staring into her eyes.

Anna's expression flickered to confused to disgusted and back to confused.

"Please tell me you're joking"

"No, I have also been cheating on you with a man, but not just a man, a rent boy"

"You've been going to a prostitute for sex?" she whispered clasping her hands together, her face paling more in colour and her eyes diluting and widening in shock.

"Yes, I am so sorry but… I couldn't help it and it was a need…"

"You're gay? All this time!" she cried jumping up and backing away from him. "You've been sleeping with a whore!"

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

Anna charged forward slapping him across the face. He gasped at the pain flinching back and staring at the wall.

"You utter bastard! How could you do that to me! Yes, our marriage is a sham, we fell out of love and yes! I met someone else but you know what, Castiel, I never kissed him or fucked him" she hissed at him. "I could of, I really wanted to but it was the sanctity of our marriage, I had to end it before I could even think about that"

"It just happened"

"How did it happen?"

"Jo gave me his number after I drunkenly told her of my unhappiness…it was one night but I went back for more and more"

Anna gasped covering her mouth as realisation struck her.

"The $200" she said with a nod and looked down at him. "That was you, you lied to me, you used it on a prostitute"

"Yes, I went a bit wild"

Anna gasped into her hand moving away from him before dropping it.

"I'm moving out, I'm going to go live with Rachel"

"Okay" he whispered into his lap.

"You disgust me. Where did the man I once loved go? Oh yeah, he was a lie" she said with a sniff. "How could you marry me?"

"Because I did love you, I do love you"

"Funny way of showing it" she said with a snort of laughter. "Seven months of marriage, lies, deceit, sinning, and time wasted"

Castiel felt tears prick his eyes and he nodded.

"I am so sorry, Anna, please believe me. I never wanted this to happen but I was so unhappy, I made a mistake, it's my entire fault"

"Yes it is" she murmured moving out of the living room and running upstairs. He could hear the slamming of doors as she packed. Twenty minutes passed and Anna came down holding a heavy suitcase. Castiel jumped up staring at her pale face and red rimmed eyes.

"What about your job, this house…"

"It's in your name, everything is yours and my job is secure" she murmured taking off her engagement ring and wedding ring. "Here, I don't need these anymore"

Anna straightened up straightening out her pea coat and hair before looking him in the eye.

"I'll call you for arrangements about our divorce. I did not expect this, I did not want to be leaving like this…so disgusted in you. A prostitute? Your father would be so ashamed" she whispered shaking her head. "I really hope he was worth it"

Castiel swallowed feeling tremors run through him as she dropped her keys in the bowl and wheeled out her suitcase head held high. The door closed on him, ending their friendship and ending their marriage.

~0~

He didn't know how long he was sat on the bottom step staring at the front door, Anna's rings digging into his palm as he clutched them tight. He was raw, open, and vulnerable and right now all he needed was to be held. Castiel brushed underneath his eyes and grabbed his coat heading towards the one place he hoped would bring him that one bit of comfort.

The walk down was cold and brisk as he headed towards the apartments and knocked on the door only it to be opened suddenly and he stared into the eyes of an attractive woman with green eyes.

"Oh! Another client, lover" she called back to him.

"Go away, Pamela"

"See you soon" she said with a wink looking Castiel up and down before she left.

He stared after her and felt his heart a tiny bit more and he looked up at Dean who was half dressed chewing on a sandwich.

"Do we have an appointment?"

"Dean, my marriage has just ended"

Dean eyes widened in shock and he swallowed forcibly. "Oh shit, dude, I am so sorry"

"It was a long time coming, it needed to happen" he said stepping in. "She ended it and I told her about you, it didn't go too well"

Dean grimaced wiping his hands on his jeans.

"Well it wouldn't"

"It needed to end, Dean, because I realised something myself, something about me"

He raised an eyebrow leaning against the couch while Castiel wandered over to him and stood in front of him looking him in the eye.

"I could never truly love, Anna, I'm gay and it would be unfair to her. I sought out one night with a man, one night to fulfil that much needed desire inside me, I got that, I got that from you. It was amazing"

"Compliments will get you anywhere these days" Dean said with a smirk.

"You were amazing, you were everything and more that I needed and I wanted you more than I have ever wanted someone in my life and I came back, you willingly accepted me and then when I couldn't come to you, you lowered the price" he said stepping into his personal space.

Dean swallowed nervously not liking where this was heading but couldn't stop himself getting lost in those blue eyes.

"I couldn't believe it! $40 a night, that was unexpected, I was delighted and then I got to spend a day with you, I spent the whole night with you and then this weekend…I got to wake up with you against me. That was the day I went weird on you, Dean, I went out for three hours and I came to a realisation"

"Cas…" Dean said holding his hand up.

"I realised I was falling in love with you, slowly and surely, I wasn't falling in love with the sex, I was falling in love with this person here" he whispered poking his chest. "Love is a strange emotion, it's twisting, endless and comes up in the most unexpected ways possible and it isn't easy. I have never known it before, not probably, and all I know is that I want to be with you, Dean, only you. I don't want to share you, not with anyone"

Dean stared at him open mouthed and only shut it when he inhaled and stood up moving him away.

"Oh crap…oh why did you say all that?" he hissed at him.

"Because it needed saying"

"Well you shouldn't have" he whispered in a shaky voice. "Oh you stupid man"

"What?" he said shocked.

"What part of client do you not understand? You are not in love with me, Cas, you are imaging…this!" he shouted at him.

Castiel shook his head at him quickly. "I'm not, Dean, believe me I have tried to sort this out in my head and how can someone fall in love in two weeks but I do"

Dean covered his face with his hands with a groan.

"Well I don't care…Lil warned me about this, clients thinking they are in love with you because of the connection, the intimacy"

"No! No, it isn't like that, Dean. I have heard about it too but it's not…I care about you, I'm falling for you"

Dean gritted his teeth staring at the television screen and knew you had to be tough to be fair in this world.

"Well you know what, I don't care about you! I am not in love with you; I am not falling for you! I understand where you are coming from but I am sorry, I cannot give you what you seek, Castiel" Dean said in a cold voice. "I'm not giving up anything for you; you are nothing but a client to me"

Castiel's heart took a pounding and his will crumpled, tears pricked his eyes and he stared down at the floor knowing maybe this was a huge mistake.

Dean felt something sharp poke his insides at the pain in Castiel's eyes and he looked away.

"I-I'm sorry" Castiel whispered. "I got the wrong idea"

Dean didn't respond as he stared at the flickering images.

"I just imagined the last few days…I just thought you cared about me but my god, you are a good actor" he whispered in a shaky voice seeing tears in his vision. "I really am sorry"

Castiel made a beeline for the door.

"Cas" Dean said looking up to him.

Castiel turned to look at him startled.

"I don't think you should come here anymore, if you need this…again, call Lil and she'll give a new client"

Castiel exhaled sharply and nodded. "Yeah, might be for the best, hey"

Dean could see the crumbling's of a broken man in front of him and turned his back to him staring at the kitchen. The door closed behind him and Dean breathed out slowly covering his mouth not quite believing what had happened there and not quite grasping his own actions.

Castiel sat at the bottom step of the apartment stairs burying his face into his knees and let it all loose as he cried hard letting all emotions out not caring who saw or what people thought because how much can one man take before they break down completely.

**A/N: Oh major angst alert…Major Castiel whumping. I do apologise. **

**Feedback? The reviews have been amazing! Seriously do love you guys. **


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel didn't know what day, time, or year it was as he sat on the couch drinking back a bottle of vodka. He sighed miserably feeling the burn at the back of his throat as it slid down. It had been four days since Anna left him, he was rejected by Dean, and the last time he saw daylight. He sat in the darkness of his living room finally using up all the bottles of liquor, vodka and whiskey he had received on birthdays and Christmas. Castiel drank till he was drunk, he drank till he threw up in his mop bucket and collapsed on the couch asleep. He hated the feeling inside him, the loneliness, the hurt, and was slowly beginning to hate feelings.

Castiel woke up to a loud demanding ring coming from his telephone. He clutched his head feeling a killer hangover and whimpered moving up and grabbing it.

"What?" he whispered.

"Castiel! It's 11am you stupid fuck, why are you not in work?" Jo shouted down the phone.

Castiel grimaced stroking his forehead gently. "I quit"

Silence on the phone stretched out and he heard the familiar squeak of the back room.

"Say that one more time"

"I quit! I don't want to work in that god awful café a moment longer" he hissed.

"What the hell has happened?"

"I took the advice of you!" he snarled down the phone. "The worst thing I have ever done. I am now single, rejected and slowly becoming a depressed drunk"

Castiel chuckled at the end part and blinked convinced he was still drunk.

"You are making no sense!"

"She left me, Jo, oh no, not before I told her all about me and Dean which she took very badly! I then proceeded to go to Dean who rejected me, cut all contact with me"

Jo closed her eyes hearing the crack in his voice at the end.

"I confessed all…I was stupid enough to think he would feel the same way about silly old me but he doesn't…he's just an amazing actor covering his own back" he whispered feeling the burn of old tears at the back of his throat.

"I'm so sorry, Castiel"

"What does it matter?" he murmured. "Tell Ellen I quit, I'll hand my resignation in"

"But why?"

"Because I want to" he whispered hanging up the phone.

Jo stared at the phone not knowing quite what to do. She gritted her teeth slamming it down and grabbing her coat storming out.

"Joanna Beth, where the hell do you think you're going?" Ellen shouted at her.

"I am trying to save a man's life and kick an ass so hard he'll wake up in a coma" she cried back storming out of the café and heading towards Pinewood apartments.

Dean casually opened the red tin under his bed and opened it up to see his money, some saved, some new and counted it out. He had near enough $1500 and exhaled deeply. His stomach twisted in a way that disturbed him, he didn't feel pleased or happy, he felt disgusted and guilty.

A loud knocking startled him and he darted to open the door. Jo stood there looking furious and without thinking she reached up her hand and punched him in the nose. Dean reeled back clutching his nose and crying out in agony.

"You absolute asshole!" she shouted at him slamming the door behind her.

Dean groaned staring at her and gasped feeling ripples of pain flow up his face.

"What-what the hell are you doing, you crazy bitch?"

"I hope you are proud of yourself, have you any idea what you have done!" she yelled at him punching his arm.

Dean grunted moving away from her glaring at her with hard eyes. "Stop hitting me! Explain before I kick you out of this apartment"

"Castiel" she hissed at him.

Dean looked away from her nervously and sat down on the couch gingerly prodding his nose.

"What about him?"

"His wife leaves him, he goes to you for comfort and to tell you how he really feels which was probably the hardest thing he could do despite knowing deep down that you couldn't really love him and you reject him? How can you be so cruel, Dean" she said pacing up and down.

"How could you let it continue? I told him one night, one night only, and I find out after two week you are still fucking! Including money as well and then Castiel tells me you made him pretend to be his boyfriend" Jo ranted turning to face him.

"What the hell were you thinking? How could that possibly work? You must have known he cared about you more than he should"

"Jo, I don't know what you want me to say"

"I want you to tell me how you really feel"

"He's a client"

"Oh sure! Do all your clients pretend to be your boyfriends?"

"No! That was a favour, Jo; I needed him for 2 days okay? Look, I didn't know he was going to fall in love with me…how could I know that?"

"Maybe because you're gorgeous, maybe because you are his first in years, maybe because you treated him differently, you made him feel, you actually asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend which he did and he got to see a glimpse of what life would be like" Jo shouted at him furiously. Anger ran in her veins and she couldn't help feeling a protective energy for Castiel right now.

"He sounded broken when I spoke to him on the phone…he has quit his fucking job! He is now sat at home drinking away his problems"

"That is his decision, not mine!" he shouted back.

"Because of you and himself! He chose to enter into that sham of marriage despite knowing he was actually gay! Then I made the wrong decision by introducing him to you"

"I didn't mean to hurt him" Dean murmured closing his eyes and leaning back against the cushion.

Jo leaned against the wall behind her and folded her arms.

"What do you feel for him, Dean? Don't give me that crap about "he's a client" "I can't feel that way" because you must feel for something"

"I don't know what I feel"

"Do you feel anyway about him? Love? Like?"

"I care about him" he murmured softly.

"But not enough to actually sack this all in and be with a man who loves you"

Dean didn't say anything as he rubbed his sore shoulder.

"I mean, I don't know the full extent of his feelings but I reckon he didn't fall in love with the sex"

"He didn't" Dean replied weakly.

"No, he fell in love with the man and I know what he sees…because I saw it too and you know what I mean, Dean. I bet he saw that kindness you show sometimes, the little jokes you do, the tender way you treat people, your devotion to your family and your all around good guy personality which does make an appearance when you feel like it"

"He shouldn't be in love with me; he shouldn't feel that way because I can't give him what he needs, Jo. He wants love, friendship and even a relationship with me but I'm not just some man, I'm a rent boy"

"My god, how can you put yourself down like that? Sex isn't everything!" Jo shouted back to him before an idea popped into her idea. She circled the couch crouching down in front of him.

"Okay, imagine for one moment, just imagine…waking up one day and turning to see Castiel asleep on the pillow next to you, this simple man who loves you more than anything, you are his whole world and you know that you can just lean forward and just kiss him breathless" Jo said placing her hands on his kneecaps.

"You can spend weekends cuddling in bed, fucking in bed if you want, you can make love" she whispered and Dean closed his eyes in pain. "You can hold him and know that he's _yours_, Dean, you can get a job if you want to because you have the qualifications to do that and so can he, a better one if he really wants it, he can come home to you and you can come home to him"

"Jo…" he whispered and she looked up into his pained eyes.

"Or we can take a different route, you can cut off all contact and continue to fuck every person who needs a quick shag, you can grow lonely, grow older, never find a person who can make you happy while Castiel eventually gets over you, finds a bloke, and falls in love with him"

Dean felt the quick slash of white hot pain cut into his heart and he shook his head pressing his hands over his eyes. He cursed Jo to the pits of Hell for doing this to him and groaned not wanting to hear anymore.

"I don't know what I want" he exploded making Jo flinch a little and stand up looking down at him.

"You make your own future, Dean, I am just telling you what you could have instead of a meaningless shag from a person who couldn't care less about you, who goes back home to a husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend leaving you alone here" she said gesturing around the apartment. "Dean, you are my friend and I want you to be happy, your brother wants you to be happy and you are the only one who doesn't want it. This job has warped your mind"

Dean ignored her staring at the flickering images on the television screen.

"It's up to you, Dean, but I really would choose carefully" Jo said taking her leave as she walked away and headed straight towards the door.

Dean stared at the floor not knowing what to do and instead let the tsunami of feelings swarm of him.

~0~

Castiel threw the bottle to the ground and heard it roll hitting the other side of the wall with a loud clunk. He chuckled sadly looking over to his cabinet for another bottle and frowned to see his collection growing smaller. Forcing himself up he staggered over grabbing a bottle of vodka and sighed uncapping it.

A knock alerted him and he turned startled wondering who it could be. He moved to the curtains and opened them up a little to see a halo of blonde hair and groaned.

"Castiel! I know you are in there" Jo cried banging on the door. "I just want to talk to you"

Castiel ignored her sitting down on the floor knowing he was being pathetic but who cares? He certainly didn't. Eventually she gave up and he heard the tap of her shoes as she walked away from the house and back down the road. He sighed opening his drink again thinking of Anna. He didn't want to hurt her and he did love her, she was a comfort to him sometimes, he certainly did miss her presence around the house.

He was lonely. He craved that contact, that warmth from another body, that feeling of someone touching him and he knew exactly how to get it. He stumbled up grabbing the phone and dialling a number he knew.

"Lil, this is Jim" he croaked.

"Jim…? Oh! It's you, Dean's client"

Castiel flinched at the name and nodded as though she could see him.

"What can I do for you?"

"I want someone new, I have quit Dean, I want someone new" he said.

"Oh" Lil said confused. "Okay…well there is Adam"

"I'll have him" he muttered quickly.

"Wow, okay, I'll have to call him first what's your address"

"2B Wickham Road" he murmured softly.

"Okay, darling" she said before he hung up.

Castiel dropped the phone sliding the vodka bottle back and wandered upstairs moving into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. There was hint of stubble on his cheeks so bad he needed a shave, his eyes were bloodshot and he knew he probably reeked of vomit and booze. He switched on the shower stripping off and stepping into the warm heat knowing a stranger was coming to his house giving him what he wanted but not what he needed. He needed Dean to be the one and his stomach rolled, he would never have that again.

He climbed out of the warm heat and padded back to his bedroom quickly changing into black joggers and a white top before sitting down on the bed patiently waiting.

Dean was dozing on the couch when his phone rang next to him and he sighed picking it up staring at the number.

"Lil" he said patiently.

"Oh you will never guess who just called me!"

"Lindsay Lohan?"

"Imagine that" she said with a shriek of laughter. "No, your Jim called here demanding another client"

"What?" Dean said straightening up.

"What did you do to lose him? You never lose people"

"Who did you give him?"

"Adam"

Adam?" he said disgusted.

"Yes! He left for him about 10 minute ago"

"No" he whispered feeling his stomach quiver and ache. He didn't want this; he didn't want him to move on so quickly to another man. But he did tell him to get a new client and with Castiel in his state he wasn't surprised.

"Oh shit!" he cried hanging up and jumping up grabbing his jacket. He knew he was irrational but with Jo's words swimming in his mind he had a right to stop this before Castiel did something he would regret.

He strode quickly down the street walking into Wickham Road not caring what he was interrupting as he stared up at the dark house. Dean walked up into the room and bounded on it hard waiting for someone to answer. No lights flickered on and he tapped impatiently hammering again before resting against it.

"Damn it, Cas" he whispered pulling out his phone and dialling his number. He heard a ringing in the house coming from the living room and he listened till he heard the voicemail which made him even angrier. Dean stepped back looking up at the dark house and decided the only thing he could was wait. He walked to the other side of the street sitting down on the wall staring at the house waiting for the first sign of movement.

Dean didn't know how long he waited but his ass was sore, his back ached and he just wanted to give up and go home when the door opened. He jumped down hiding behind a car seeing a blonde boy walk out and down the road looking smug and fucked out. Dean swallowed the bile seeing him disappear around the corner before darting up and back over the road hammering on the door.

Castiel groaned turning back to the front door and opening it about to address this Adam person when he stopped shocked.

"Dean?"

Dean didn't bother addressing him as he shoved past him and into the house. Castiel gaped staring at his back and shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?"

Dean turned to face him and cringed seeing a hickey not given by him on Castiel's neck. Anger and jealously bubbled in his stomach and he pointed at him.

"You fucker, do you realise how much you have screwed with my head these past few days! I have had Jo on my case; I have had you on my mind, in my dreams, everything! Now I get a call from Lil telling me you called for another client and are now holding a particularly large hickey from the bastard"

Castiel held a hand over it staring up at him confused. Dean stared back at him noticing the way his hair was rumpled, his eyes bloodshot laced in pain, hurt and tiredness, his posture weak and also tired and it made Dean's heart ache.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to stop you from making the biggest mistake ever"

"Adam wasn't a mistake, Dean, he was a good mistake" Castiel said holding his chin up determinedly.

"Oh really?"

"He gave me what I wanted"

"What exactly?" Dean hissed stepping closer to him staring into his eyes.

"Do you really want the gory details?"

"Tell me" Dean snarled under his breath feeling his hands shake not knowing if he actually did want to know this.

"He fucked me of course, no kissing it was his rule, and he blew me as well" he said with a smug smile.

Dean nodded but narrowed his eyes at him. "What else did you do?"

"What?"

"There is something else you're not telling me, something else" Dean whispered staring at the hickey. "I thought there was no kissing"

"No kissing on the lips because it was too intimate, on the body didn't count" Castiel murmured looking away from him.

Dean narrowed his eyes grabbing his shoulders and shoving him against the front door. Castiel gasped staring back at him confused.

"Did you fuck him?"

"No"

"Did you blow him?"

"Yes"

Dean stopped staring at him. "You gave him a blow job?"

"Yes and a hand job" he whispered looking down at their feet. "I asked him and he said yes"

Dean swallowed hard feeling more jealous than he had in years. This Adam had seen him in a whole different light, he had given him something Dean wouldn't allow and it made Dean's heart ache in longing.

"He also gave you this" he hissed poking his hickey.

"I didn't ask for that, it was during sex" he whispered looking up at him. "I was feeling lonely, Dean, I have been sat in that room drinking the contents of every single whiskey, vodka, and liquor I could find. I wanted company, male company, I wanted someone to touch and hold me like you did…it wasn't the same but it was enough"

"Yeah I see you got that" Dean said eyeing the hickey in disgust.

"I don't understand what you are doing here, Dean, you made your feelings perfectly clear from the moment I told you" Castiel said stubbornly. "You told me you couldn't and wouldn't feel the same way about me so what are you doing here? Why should it bother you that I am with someone else?"

Dean breathing quickened and he tugged at his t-shirt feeling suddenly warm.

"Is it jealously, Dean? Is it hard to imagine me with someone else? Someone else kissing me like you do, finding that spot underneath my ear"

Dean jerked at that because he was the one who found that spot, that sensitive part underneath his ear which made him squirm and be turned on even more.

"He found that?"

"I told him"

Dean growled smacking him harder into the door making him groan arching into his chest.

"Jealously it is then, Dean, well now you know how I felt with all the other people you are casually fucking every night" Castiel hissed at him as Dean pinned his arms either side of his head breathing hard. Castiel could see the jealously in his eyes and smirked.

"Jealously is an ugly emotion isn't it? It makes us angry, scared, and irrational" Castiel said cocking his head at him.

"I'm not jealous" Dean insisted.

"Sure you're not"

Dean hesitated eyes flashing up and down his face.

"You couldn't kiss him?"

"No, why?" he said and gasped when Dean's mouth descended on his. It was rough and persistent but Castiel allowed it as he opened his mouth letting Dean edge his tongue in tasting alcohol. Dean groaned sliding his hands down the smoothness of his inner arms till he reached his waist and held him against his chest.

Castiel whimpered when they parted for a moment for breath but gladly took him back as his hands slid up to cup around his neck. His mind screamed in protest as they kissed passionately, tongue and teeth clashing together as they fought for dominance, it screamed at him, you are going to get hurt all over again, stop this now, so Castiel listened.

He parted from him breathing hard placing his hand over his heart and shoved him back.

"I think you should leave"

"What?" he said croakily.

"Dean, you don't what you want…you don't want me. This is just jealously, a need to claim what was once yours, you don't care about me. I am nothing but a sport…you need your job too much for you to let it go"

"Cas, I…"

"You told me you wouldn't give it up for me, Dean, you said you couldn't love me and I think it's just the sex you miss"

Dean hesitated staring at him and looked down confirming it.

Castiel breathed out feeling an echo of tears sting his eyes.

"God, I wanted you to deny that so much right then"

"Cas…"

Castiel turned opening the door and held it open. "I think you should leave"

Jo's words echoed into Dean's mind.

_It's up to you, Dean, but I really would choose carefully._

Dean felt inner conflict inside him and held his head down walking out of the door and carried on walking without looking back. Castiel closed the door feeling tears fall down his face as he shut the door. He turned craving sleep more than anything. He wandered into the living room picking up his bottle of vodka, taking it upstairs and grabbing his sleeping pills. He shook two into his hands and downed it down knowing it wouldn't hurt, how could it hurt? He lay back on the pillow still tasting Dean in his mouth and the smell of sex lingered in the air filling his scent. Castiel felt sick to his stomach at what had just happened, he didn't want to do that again, he didn't want to do anything.

Dean opened up the apartment door and closing it behind him. He stared at the empty apartment surrounding him and wandered into the kitchen grabbing a beer. Dean knew he had made the wrong decision in walking out of that house but that was Dean. He couldn't fight for it, he let it slip through his fingers like everything else and he hated feeling like such a girl. Feelings weren't for him and he wasn't about to get on his knees confessing undying love for him, not now, not ever.

**A/N: Here you go! **

**Some pointers to look out for upcoming chapters! Angst is going to be heavy at the moment, Castiel's family will be brought in, a fatal accident is going to happen, and Anna will cause a lot of trouble. **

**Feedback would be awesome! I love reviews very much. **


	11. Chapter 11

Anna looked at herself in the mirror, she looked pale, withdrawn, her eyes tired and bloodshot from crying. She sniffed brushing away a tear looking up when Rachel tapped at the door.

"He was a waste of space"

"You say that every time you come into my room" Anna said with a chuckle taking the cup of coffee off her.

"It's because he is! He is a pathetic, cheating, homo" she said.

"Rachel!" Anna said swatting her.

"Do you reckon his family knows?"

"No, he would never tell them" she said bitterly sipping the coffee and placing it on her nightstand. Rachel nodded pushing back her hair and placing a hand on her small bump.

"You should tell them"

Anna turned to face her shocked. "That is his business to tell"

"He'll never tell his precious father and brothers that he isn't a good Catholic man married to a good Catholic girl, as if he would tell them he is actually gay and having an affair with a prostitute" Rachel ranted getting up and pacing up and down her room.

"You have been treated appallingly, Anna, you didn't deserve that. He cheated and decided to tell you when you were at your most vulnerable…he deserves everything he gets"

Anna stared up at her and nodded slowly.

"I have been treated appallingly…they deserve to know"

Rachel smirked with a nod.

Anna got up grabbing the wireless phone and dialled the number she knew well.

"Chuck! Yes, it's me…Castiel? He hasn't told you then" she said with an angry sigh. "Me and your precious son are divorcing, Chuck, yes, you heard right"

Rachel giggled from behind her hand while Anna looked up with a glare.

"But let me tell you the reason" she said standing up. "You see, Castiel hasn't been very honest with me, you, Michael or even Gabriel, he is a traitorous, cowardly, disgusting, man who I am stuck married to"

Rachel stared at her sister in awe as she stood at the window looking out.

"He's gay and he's been having an affair with a prostitute, a male prostitute" she said loudly and clearly down the phone. "Oh believe me it's the truth, I wouldn't lie and despite what he is and what he has done I can't see him lying to me about this"

"I thought you deserved to know what your son is, Chuck, I really do" Anna said hanging up.

Rachel clapped at her and brought her into a tight hug.

"I am so proud of you! You can now move on, divorce that man, and find someone who will love you like you deserve"

Anna smiled weakly hugging her back and sighed getting her own back on him, her own revenge, she could finally move on.

~0~

Castiel was in the process of getting drunk as he poured his third drink of vodka when the house phone rang. He picked it up confused only to hear a very angry voice.

"Tell me this isn't true!" Michael raged.

"Michael?" he whispered feeling that old fear, that scared feeling in the back of his mind when ever Michael got seriously angry with him.

"Tell me that Anna hasn't just rang our father and told him his youngest son, my brother, has left his wife because he is currently having a gay affair with a prostitute"

"What?" he said shakily clutching the phone hard in his hand.

"Tell me!" he shouted angrily.

"I'm sorry" he muttered quickly.

"Castiel, is she telling the truth? Or is this some ill-informed lie from a wife having an affair?"

"What? No, Anna is not like that, she would never…it…it was me, it was all me"

"A prostitute?"

"He isn't like that" he murmured desperately.

"You're disgusting!" Michael roared down the phone. "You are a disgrace to yourself and to this family! Father can't even bear to talk to you right now"

"Michael, please, it was just weakness…I gave into my desire"

"Desire? How can you even desire a man! You're straight"

Castiel inhaled deeply before letting it out slowly sitting down on the staircase behind him.

"I have been lying for a long time, Michael, I am not straight, I have never been straight and I knew I liked me way before I married Anna. I should have never married her, Gabriel told me not to but I ignored his guidance" he said strongly.

Michael was silent on the other end of the phone.

"How can you say that so calmly? How can you even say that? I feel like I don't know my own brother. You have lied to me, you have lied to father…how does that make you feel?"

"I didn't mean any harm!" he cried down the phone.

"You are and always were a disappointment to us all. Father will not speak to you; he won't even come out of his room! He just sits and writes on that damn computer so I say this now and I hope you hear" Michael hissed at him. "Yes, you are my brother, you are my family but this is unforgivable and from here on now, you are nothing to me. I cannot speak for father or even Gabriel, but you are nothing to me now. The lack of respect for yourself and others around you is nothing but sickening"

Castiel closed his eyes feeling his heart lurch inside him and his stomach fill with bile.

"From this moment on I hope I never see you again"

Michael slammed the phone down cutting off the call leaving a suffering Castiel to gape speechless at the end. The phone slid out of his hand falling to the floor with a clattering as he stared forward tears filling his vision as he stared at nothing. A painful ache spread in his chest as the realisation of losing his family hit him. He felt numb all over as he dropped his head into his hands and prayed to God to forgive him.

"What do I do?" he whispered into his hands as the hot tears slid down his cheeks and as always he was answered by silence.

~0~

"You need to come see me soon" Dean said on the phone to Sam.

"I saw you like last week! Missing me already?"

"Shut up, Sammy, I hardly ever see you!"

"You are also seeing me after the birth of niece or nephew so what's the fuss about? Anyway, you have Castiel for company"

Dean shifted uncomfortably picking at the fabric of his jeans. "Yeah…"

"What? Has something happened between you two?"

"No, no, of course not" he lied scratching behind his neck nervously. "Anyway, when is the baby due?"

"Any day I think…look I have to go, I'm taking Jess into town for lunch and to pick up some last minute essentials for the baby"

"Okay, speak later, give my love to Jess"

"Will do"

Dean hung up with a smile sipping his beer and stared around the empty apartment wondering what he could possibly do with his day now. He walked over to the couch to settle down and watch some boring day time telly whilst ignoring all calls from Lil and clients; he couldn't quite stomach it today.

Dean was in the middle of a cookery programme when his phone rang next to him and he sighed picking up looking at the caller I.D.

"Jo?" he muttered and clicked the answer button. "Joanna, how may I help you?"

"You stopped being an ignorant, annoying, self-absorbed, twat and gone to see Castiel yet?"

"Oh I love it when you speak dirty" he purred down the phone to her.

"Fuck off, Dean, have you gone to see him?"

"No, I haven't seen him since Tuesday"

"When you went to see him, got all jealous, kissed him, and left the house again! God I could have kicked your ass so hard"

"Well it's Friday now and I haven't heard a word from him"

"He still hasn't called about his job…how can he survive without money?"

"Ask him, darling"

"I've tried numerous times, Dean, I'm really worried about him" Jo admitted. "I have a really bad feeling about him, I've tried calling, knocking for him, but he ignores me. I want you to go around there and talk to him, tell him how you feel"

"Jo…" he said with a sigh.

"You two need to stop this now! Why are you making yourself unhappy? Why are you both making each other miserable? Why are you still in that job when you haven't had a single client since Tuesday?"

"How do you know that…" he exclaimed astonished.

"Because I do, I'm clever and well Lil told me when I called her"

"Bitch" he muttered in a low voice kicking the coffee table. "Okay, okay, I'll go see him"

"Thank you! Call me as soon as you see him, I just need to know he's okay"

"I will" he muttered hanging up the phone and grabbing his jacket. He moved towards the door and out heading towards Wickham Road. He was nervous and a little bit excited about seeing him again. For day now he felt the guilt of leaving him in that hallway knowing he should have slammed that door and told him how much he wanted him, how he really felt about him but in his own sense he didn't.

Since that night he couldn't even stomach the thought of seeing a client so his phone was void to him, the missed calls, angry voicemails and messages were deleted over and over again till they started to fade.

Dean rounded the corner and walked to the front door hovering outside for a moment before knocking hard and fast on the door.

"Cas, it's me, I need to speak to you" he called through the plane of glass. He stared through the glass seeing the hallway and the stairs.

"Come on, Cas! I just want to talk to you" he said kicking the door. "I know you are in there since your car is still in the drive and well…you have no job"

Dean waited impatiently and was only greeted by silence.

"Fine! You asked for this" he cried looking under the flower pots for a spare key. He turned over everyone till he reached the last and discovered a rusty spare key hiding there.

"Bingo!" he hissed pushing it into the lock and smiling when the door opened. He opened the door to be greeted by the smells of a bar and something sweet lingering in the air. Dean slammed it shut walking into the living room to see empty bottles littering the floor, plates of uneaten food on the coffee table and an old blue blanket on the couch empty. He sighed moving out and into the kitchen to see it still and empty.

"Cas?" he shouted moving upstairs and into the bedroom to see it was also empty. He was about to give up when he noticed the bathroom and pushed open the door blinking in surprise to see Castiel huddled in the corner clutching a bottle of vodka.

Dean bit his lip edging inside to see his face wet from tears, his hands shaking, stubble covering his cheeks from weeks of being unshaved and a lot thinner from lack of food.

"Cas?" he whispered moving closer to him staring into his eyes and seeing nothing as he stared into space.

"Baby?" he murmured softly running a hand into his hair caressing the back of his neck waiting till he turned towards him looking surprised.

"Dean?" he croaked confused staring up at him.

"Welcome back to planet earth…Cas, why are you on the bathroom floor?"

"I felt sick" he murmured staring at the bowel. "So I came up here with these"

Dean stared at the bottle in his hands and the pills. His heart stopped and he looked up at Castiel who shrugged.

"Please, please, tell me you haven't taken them with vodka" he hissed gripping his wrists. Castiel winced shaking his head at him quickly.

"Only once! It was when you left and it worked, I slept for hours but woke up dizzy and threw up for hours" he whispered shaking in his grip.

Dean breathed out snatching the sleeping pills and vodka away from him.

"You idiot! You could have overdosed" he hissed angrily at him.

"I know I got scared after that but…" he said trailing off feeling his vision fill with tears. He felt stripped raw, he was tipsy, vulnerable, and so alone.

"My family found out about me, Anna told them everything about the split, me being gay and sleeping with you, and he told me I was a disgrace, I was disgusting and they want nothing more to do with me" he sobbed out burying his head into his hands.

Dean's heart broke at the sight of him completely breaking down in front of him and moved closer gripping his wrists and pulling him into his arms. Castiel broke down crying harder as he rested his head on his shoulder. His tears soaked into his jacket but Dean didn't care as he stroked a hand up and down his back and hair shushing him like a little baby.

"I have nothing left, I have no wife, my friends are better off without me, my job is useless, I have lost you and now to top it all off my family want nothing more to do with me"

Dean shushed him again holding him closer stroking a hand into his hair simply holding him as he cried out his tears. He didn't know how long it was till he eventually stopped and stilled in his arms simply resting against his shoulder sniffing in and out feeling and tasting the saltiness of his tears still running down his cheeks.

"Cas, listen to me" Dean whispered tilting his chin towards him and swiping his thumbs under his eyes and staring into his eyes.

"You are not a disgrace or disgusting, okay? You're not, you're the most beautiful, stubborn, strong-minded, generous, kindest, funniest and downright sexiest person I have ever met"

Castiel hiccupped and let out a little laugh staring up at him. "Dean…"

"Listen to me" he hissed bring him into his lap and making him wrap his legs around his waist so he was straddling him. "You are and if you ever tell anyone I said them words, I will deny them, we are not girls"

Despite the situation, his emotions, and the seriousness of the matter in hand, Castiel couldn't resist smiling a little.

"Being gay is not a disease or passed on through genes…it maybe a sin in the bible but for me it isn't and neither should it be for you. You chose that you didn't feel the same way about women than you do for men, your family simply can't understand that, Cas. What they said to you is disgusting, not you, they are meant to love you no matter what they do…evil or good" Dean ranted while Castiel listened patiently.

"You have friends, Cas, Jo, Ash, Ellen, Sam, Jess, they are your friends and Jo is out of her mind with worry and I am betting so is Ellen. Sam asked about you before and I told him we were fine"

"Why?" he muttered with a frown.

"Because I did" Dean muttered waving it off. "This is about you, you have friends, you can always get another job and your family are dicks by the sounds of it but there is this thing called time, Cas, in time they may forgive you"

Castiel swallowed back the lump in his throat. "What about you"

"That needs a longer talk" he said running his hand into his hair. "I am not ducking out of it but I would rather you weren't drunk for it"

Castiel whined low in his throat making Dean chuckle.

"You look like shit, you look like you haven't eaten in ages and you stink of booze and vomit so…" he said moving him out of his lap and turning on the shower, Castiel eyed him unsteadily from the floor.

"Shower, food, sleep then we talk" he said hauling him onto his feet. He swayed unbalanced staring into his eyes and sighed deeply before nodding. Dean helped him strip off his clothes which made Dean grimace at the smell. His eyes roamed down his lean body and he bit the inside of his cheek seeing a scattering of bruises coming from his chest and thighs.

"How did you get these?" he whispered trailing his hands over his chest and ribcage making Castiel shudder shutting his eyes.

"Falling over and being sick in the toilet" he replied grimly.

Dean shook his head grabbing his hand and helping him into the shower.

"One minute" he said grabbing his wrists and turning him to face him. "Why were you in the bathroom with a bottle of sleeping pills and vodka?"

Dean saw guilt flood into his eyes and he glanced away to the tiled wall.

"Eternal sleep" he whispered and whimpered when his grip tightened.

"Suicide?" he hissed furiously.

"I don't know, maybe, I wasn't thinking…I just wanted to sleep away everything"

Dean gritted his teeth letting go of him furiously but reaching for him when he staggered back almost smacking his head on the wall.

"Jesus, Cas, you are a gluttony for trouble" he hissed steadying him feeling the spray of the water hit him as he moved him under the water. Castiel moaned tipping his head back feeling the warmth cascade down his back and over his head. The sound sent desire and warmth pooling in Dean's groin which he willed away desperately. Now was not the time for that despite the fact that he was now very naked, wet and moaning under the water.

"Unless you want me to jump you, I'd advise you to stop that" Dean said through gritted teeth. Castiel looked up at him suddenly so Dean could see surprise and amusement flash in them.

"I'm sorry, Dean"

"So you should be and not only for that…eternal sleep? Jesus, Cas, imagine if I never found you and some other person discovered your dead body rotting in the bathroom" he said with a shudder looking away from him. "I would never forgive myself"

The only sounds were their breathing and the sound of the water beating down on his body. Castiel grabbed the shampoo washing it into his hair and spreading it over his body as Dean watched him closely. Dean tapped his foot impatiently feeling his arousal grow and worsen as it strained against his jeans waiting for his release; he resisted the urge to touch himself and chose to stare at the bottle of vodka and pills on the floor.

Dean jumped when the shower went off and Castiel moved towards him.

"Where are your towels?" he muttered helping him out as he swayed on his feet.

"Cupboard, second shelf" Castiel replied shivering.

Dean darted outside into the hall pulling out a towel from the cupboard and handing it to him. Castiel wrapped it around his waist before heading towards his bedroom.

"I haven't slept in here since Anna left" he murmured softly.

"Well that couch isn't helping you, so you are now" Dean murmured shoving his shoulder near it. Castiel flashed a glare at him before sitting down on the covers.

"What do you want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry, I just want to sleep"

Dean sighed scratching his head and nodding.

"Sleep then, I'll clean your pit"

"No! Stay-stay with me?" he pleaded reaching out both hands.

Dean watched him for a moment being reminded of a needy child wanting to be cuddled and nodded slowly walking over to him as kicked off his shoes and jacket sliding next to him. They hesitated a moment before Castiel slid into his arms resting against his shoulder. Dean looked down the length of his body now naked as he kicked off his towel and huddled closer into his body heat. He swallowed counting backwards from 10 feeling his cock twitch in interest as his hunger for Cas awoke inside him.

Dean moaned low in his throat covering them with the covers wrapping an arm around his waist and tucking his wet hair under his chin. It didn't take long for Castiel to drift off soundlessly in his arms while Dean watched him sleep silently. He had never been so thankful for Jo and her bad feelings right now as he brushed back his hair from his forehead and wondered what would have happened if he chose to not come, would Castiel be dead?

He shuddered hard at the thought and closed his eyes cuddling him closer thankful that he could now sort it out, he could sort Castiel out like he did for him, quit his job and start afresh.

But his stomach churned with a bad feeling that made him open his eyes puzzled, he looked down to Castiel who breathed deeply against his chest completely fine but it didn't fade. He chose to ignore it and reclose his eyes drifting off into an uneasy sleep but what felt like moments later was a phone call.

Castiel moaned at the sound burrowing his face into the crook of his neck. Dean opened his eyes now cursing Jo for disturbing him, he kissed Castiel's temple moving him out of his way as he leaned down to his jacket snatching it up and answering it.

"Dean!" he heard someone shout and sat up panicked.

"Sam?"

"Dean we've…we've had an accident, a…Dean, please, I need you" Sam shouted down the phone to him panicking.

"Sam, you're scaring me" Dean said feeling his heart race. Castiel who had fully waked up now sat up as well staring at the side of his face concerned.

"Dean, a car came out of nowhere…it hit the car…Jess…Jess" Sam cried hysterically. Dean felt like his heart had stilled inside him as he turned to Castiel.

"Sam and Jess have had an accident" he whispered.

**A/N: A teeny tiny cliff-hanger…**

**Yeah. Here you go! I hope you enjoy and don't hate me too much. **

**Feedback would just be so wonderful! The response has been amazing so far.**


	12. Chapter 12

"Sam, what do you mean?" Dean cried down the phone.

"The car hit the passenger seat were Jess was sitting, Dean, it spun us out and we smashed into another car on my side…I must have blacked out because I woke up in an ambulance…Jess was next to me unconscious and they were concerned about her head…there was blood in her ear" he shouted down the phone to him.

"Okay…okay, where are you?"

"St Julian's Hospital, it's about twenty minutes from yours…Dean, please hurry" he said shakily.

"We're on our way" Dean said hurriedly hanging up and turning to see Castiel stood clutching a hand over his mouth and streaking to the bathroom. Dean sighed scrubbing a hand over his face following after him; Castiel felt the contents of his stomach empty out into the bowel of the toilet feeling worse than ever.

"Cas, are you okay?"

"Dean, now is the time to worry about your brother and Jessica, you have to go" Castiel said dropping down on the cold floor and wincing a little at the coldness on his bare skin.

"Not without you, Cas" Dean said grabbing his hand and hauling him up. "I don't trust you, Cas, I can't leave you here when only two hours ago you wanted to kill yourself"

Castiel flushed not meeting his eyes as he was hauled out the bathroom and back to the bedroom for clothes.

"Get dressed right now, we need to go" Dean said throwing clothes at him.

Castiel caught them with shaky hands as he pulled them on and swayed staring at Dean who frowned eyeing him up and down.

"You look like utter shit"

"I feel it" he croaked running a hand into his hair leaving it to stand up.

"Come on" Dean said holding out his hand which Castiel took linking their fingers together as he was forcibly dragged downstairs and to his car.

"Dean, I can't drive like…."

"I'm driving!" Dean said angrily forcing him into the passenger seat.

Castiel didn't like this Dean but he knew he had the right to be there. He squeezed his eyes shut as Dean started the car up and drove out of the driveway faster than he ever imagined. The motion of car made Castiel's stomach churn and he bit down on his lip hard tasting the metallic taste of blood.

"Cas?" he heard and turned bleary eyes to Dean.

"Come on man, don't do this to me" he said reaching a hand over and squeezing his hand. "Don't be sick"

"I'm trying" Castiel croaked feeling the loss when Dean took his hand away to concentrate on the road. Dean tapped impatiently when they reached traffic lights and looked over to Castiel who was slumped in his seat breathing hard.

"This day can't get any worse" he muttered bashing a fist against the steering wheel. "I had a bad feeling something was going to happen and I thought it was you…I didn't think for one minute it would be my brother"

Blue eyes looked over to him listening patiently as he ranted.

"What if she dies? What if the baby doesn't make it? It would destroy Sam, it would destroy him and I can't watch that happen to him" Dean said feeling bile rise in his throat. "He would lose his whole word"

"You have to think positive, Dean, Jessica is a strong girl and I know she will make herself survive and her child"

"You can't know that" Dean muttered staring at the red lights in hatred for a moment before they turned green and he stepped down on the pedal pushing towards the white building in front of them. They parked and Dean got out quickly not waiting for Castiel as he ran straight inside. Castiel locked the car staring up at the building and towards the sky muttering a prayer.

"Please let her survive, both of them" he whispered.

Castiel locked the doors before heading up to the entrance and following after Dean who was waiting for him.

"What the hell were you doing?" he said gripping his wrist and tugging him with him as they went into the maternity ward. "Sam is with Jess now, they are delivering the baby"

"I'm looking for Jessica Moore and Sam Winchester" Dean said to a woman sitting at the head desk. The woman glanced at the both of them confused before typing in her computer and nodded.

"Miss Moore is currently in the middle of a caesarean, you and your friend here will have to wait in the waiting room and it's down the hall"

Dean glared at the woman for a moment before trailing off to the waiting room. Dean threw open the door hard ignoring Castiel's questioning gaze as they sat down together.

"This is why I hate hospitals! All this waiting around, questions, no replies, no answers, nothing! Is it so bad that I want to know how my brother and sister in law are?" he shouted towards a passing doctor making him jump.

Castiel winced rubbing his forehead as Dean slumped back in the plastic chair feeling sick. He chose to watch Castiel who leaned over groaning deeply.

"Cas?" he questioned and blinking surprised when he jumped up running out of the room. Dean jumped alert following after him as Castiel shoved a young intern out the way getting into the bathroom throwing up noisily in the sink. Dean waited a moment before coming in after him and rubbed a hand up and down his back.

"Is this the alcohol?"

"I think so" Castiel murmured splashing water onto his face and staring at himself in the mirror. "I haven't eaten anything in days and I think them pills are still affecting me"

Dean gritted his teeth rubbing his back a little too hard before pulling away. He turned to face the wall for a long moment feeling Castiel's eyes on him through the mirror, he turned gripping his forearm and slammed him against the wall.

Castiel groaned feeling his back protest against the brick wall.

"You are going to promise me something right here, right now on my life, on Sam's life, on Jess's life and on that baby's life" Dean said through gritted teeth. "Promise me you will never ever take another pill ever again, no sleeping pills, no pain killers, nothing!"

"Dean…."

"Promise me!"

"I promise you" he replied in a whisper staring into the frightened green eyes. He saw waves of emotion crash into each other and bit his lip in sympathy. "I'll never do that again"

"I know it's my fault, Cas, I know I am to blame for you doing this"

"You're not all to blame" he protested.

"I am, for your family, your marriage ending and of course me rejecting you like that"

"I thought this talk was being saved for later?" Castiel said tilting his head to the side. Dean shrugged his shoulders feeling suddenly tired and confused. Castiel pushed off the wall gripping the back of his neck with his hands and calmly looked into his eyes.

"Your worry is your brother and his family, we can wait, we have all the time in the world, Dean. Let's focus on the important part"

Dean nodded and then snorted glancing up to him. "When did Mr Overdose become the practical one?"

Castiel smacked his shoulder hard staring at him with icy eyes.

"I never overdosed and I am being the practical one because I have to! You look like you are ten seconds from a mental breakdown"

"Oh believe me, not even the world ending would cause me to have a mental breakdown…I have nerves of steel" he said with a sad chuckle.

"Let's go back to the waiting room and wait for your brother to find us" Castiel murmured intertwining their hands together loosely; Dean glanced down to their hands with a nod. He led them out as they walked back to their waiting room which was now joined by an elderly couple.

Dean sat down resting their hands on his knee and leaning his head against his as Castiel leaned his head on his shoulder. The elderly woman eyed them both in distaste but didn't say a word as Dean gave her a long threatening look if she dared speak up.

Castiel dozed against his shoulder while Dean inhaled the fruity smell of his shampoo feeling it settle him down gently. He sighed glancing down to his watch wondering what was happening when a small cough alerted them. Dean and Castiel looked up to see Sam standing in the doorway holding a small bundle in his arms.

"Guys, I would like you to meet my baby girl, Mary-Jane Winchester-Moore" he whispered staring up at them with teary eyes. They jumped up together heading over to Sam and gazing down at Mary-Jane in his arms. Mary-Jane squawked and wailed a little in his arms as big hazel eyes looked around and tiny fists balled up.

Dean felt his throat choke up as emotion burned in the back of his throat.

"Dude" Dean said when Sam handed her over. "It's a little person"

Castiel laughed a little staring at Dean who now had happiness shining in his eyes as he held his little niece and cooed at her.

"How are you feeling, Sam?"

"I'm fine, um, the car hit on Jess's side and she took most of the impact…I have cuts and bruises from when the other car hit but I'm okay…they've just take Jess for a CT scan now" he murmured scratching the back of his neck.

"Everything will be okay" he said reassuringly.

Sam smiled weakly at him before turning to Dean and they both blinked in surprise to see tears in his eyes.

"I'm an uncle" he said amazed.

"And I'm a father" he said breathlessly and holding his arm out as he passed her over.

"Where did the name Mary-Jane come from?" Dean asked wrapping his arm around Castiel's shoulders and pulling him closer to him.

"Mary after well…our mother and Jane was added on by Jess" he said rocking her and looking up at both of them. "I'm just so glad she's okay, it's now Jess…"

He trailed off feeling his voice break; Dean came over pulling Mary-Jane out of his arms, handing her to Castiel, and pulling him into a tight hug.

"You are never getting into a fucking car ever again" he hissed making Sam laugh despite the situation into his shoulder.

"I promise we'll take the bus from now on or a taxi" he murmured hugging him back.

"Jesus, never ever scare me like that! I have had the day from hell, literally" Dean said pulling back and running a hand into his hair. He looked over to Castiel who was busy ignoring them and introducing himself to Mary-Jane.

"Can men get broody?" Castiel enquired looking up to Dean.

Sam suddenly smirked amused looking to Dean's horrified expression.

"Wow…"

"Shut up, Sam" he murmured nudging him. Sam hissed pushing him away from his sore ribs and sat down holding his hands out for his daughter.

"Just the waiting game" Sam said talking about Jess watching as Dean and Castiel sat down on his left and right with a sigh.

~0~

An hour passed before a doctor came to see them now just the three of them, a nurse took Mary-Jane away only twenty minutes ago.

"How is she? Is she okay?"

"Miss Moore is now in recovery, she is doing well, she suffered a severe head trauma which we managed to control but there is no blood on the brain or swelling. She is doing perfectly fine and will make a full recovery from the accident and the birth" he said to Sam who gasped covering his face practically shaking with relief. Dean sighed pressing his forehead to Castiel's shoulder as he kissed his temple gently.

"I told you"

"Shut up" Dean muttered looking up at him annoyed but relieved at the same time.

"Can I see her?"

"Of course" the doctor said taking him to recovery. Dean sighed pressing a hand to his forehead.

"I could use a stiff drink" he murmured.

"Do you not want to see Jess first?"

"Yeah, come on" Dean murmured in reply taking his hand as they wandered into the ward.

"I win!" they heard and saw Jessica awake supporting a bandage around the head, cuts covering her face from broken glass but her eyes were wide and beaming with happiness. "I told you we were having a girl! Mother's instinct"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" Sam murmured kissing her deeply as they admired their daughter. Dean pushed open the door and smiled gently at Jess who looked at them both.

"So how are my proud uncles?"

"Spent half the day worrying about you three" Dean muttered with a shake of his head.

Jess nodded stroking a hand into Mary-Jane's hair and smiling.

"Well after a disastrous morning, nearly dying and losing my daughter and fiancé, I have to say that this has been the most confusing and happiest day of my life"

Sam huffed a laugh nodding in agreement sitting next to her on the bed. Dean glanced to Castiel indicating for them to leave who agreed.

"Okay, we're leaving you to bond with little MJ there so…" Dean said kissing Jess's forehead, Mary-Jane's, and poking Sam on the forehead with a grin. "We'll see you tomorrow"

Jess nodded at them. "Thank you for coming so quickly"

"I would have run here" Dean said stubbornly.

"We'll see you tomorrow" Castiel said waving his hand at them and leading Dean out as they headed down the corridor. "So what now?"

"We need that talk" Dean said with a sigh walking out of the recovery ward towards the entrance and back to Castiel's.

~0~

Castiel opened the front door looking back to Dean before letting him in. Dean wrinkled his nose at the smell walking into the living room and pulling back the curtains.

"Oh shit!" he cried pulling out his silent phone to see 10 missed calls from Jo including 10 angry voicemails.

"Jo is going to kill me" he murmured pocketing it with a shrug glancing around. "What the hell have you been drinking?"

"Anything and everything" Castiel said with a sigh dropping down on the couch.

Dean eyed him with a deep frown shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

"So are we having this talk?"

"You told me we were having this talk before Jess and Sam nearly died, they are fine now, so it's back to us" Castiel said with a shrug.

Dean nodded scratching his nose feeling somewhat awkward before dropping down next to him on the couch. Castiel fidgeted feeling a little sick picking at the frayed edge of his jacket.

"I think first of all I should apology to you, Cas"

"For what? You were just doing your job, Dean, I was the stupid fool who fell stupidly in love with someone even though I knew what their job was, I knew you couldn't love me back, I was a married man and I went to you over and over again without caring…I confessed because I needed to do it, I needed you to tell me you couldn't love me"

"Why?" he whispered astonished turning to look at him so quickly his neck creaked in pain.

"For peace of mind I think" he muttered bitterly. "Which didn't turn out so well at all really, I mean look at me, look at what I've done"

Dean looked at the bottles and back to him with a shrug. "You're depressed, it's reasonable, Cas, you were in an unhappy marriage, your family found you are actually gay and then there was me"

"My family and my marriage are nothing compared to the pain I felt over you" he muttered looking down at his lap. "I've never been in love, I didn't know you could love that quickly but I did…when I pretended that week, Dean, I got one little glimpse of what life was like with you"

Dean felt a sharp tugging in his chest as he waited and listened patiently, finally listening to him, finally accepting what was right in front of him.

"I got to wake up with you, Dean, I woke up around 7am and it was still dark outside and you were tucked up next to me on the couch…you looked so beautiful, so innocent, I just watched you for ages seeing your eyes move underneath your eyelids from your dreams, your warm breath on my neck, and I just knew I wanted to wake up to that every day of my life, I wanted you so much"

Dean exhaled a shaky breath at his words staring at the side of his face that was deliberately ignoring him.

"Then I went to that park for ages and I just realised…I was in love with you, not the sex, not the freedom, not the affair, but with the guy who shown me a whole other world" he murmured. "I told Jo, she told me to tell you so I gritted my teeth and I did it"

"She came over to me as well, she made me see sense"

"Wise head on that girl" Castiel laughed feeling tears sparkle in his eyes.

"You then did what I thought you would and you turned me down flat, you took my heart and in a film sense you tore it apart…I hadn't felt pain like it. I walked out of that flat and I cried for an hour straight"

"Cas…" he whispered shakily.

"I took to alcohol, I drove out the pain, my hunger, my desire till it reached its peak and I wanted someone, I got Adam" Castiel said turning to look at him.

Jealously flooded his insides making him cringe and hate this man, the unknowable rent-boy who took what was always his.

"He kissed me, he held me, and he let me…"

"Cas, please! Please, I don't want to hear this" he said through gritted teeth pressing two hands over his ears.

"He let me, Dean, I was able to give instead of take and I loved it, he loved it" Castiel hissed at him making Dean groan angrily. "Then you came, you knocked on that door and I was so shocked to see you, so angry as well"

"But then you kissed me and it was like someone throwing freezing cold water all over me after being so hot for so long, it was a shock and then felt amazing but it suddenly worn off" Castiel said looking away from him. "I knew it was the jealously, the fact another man had me in a way you never…it was the sex you missed"

"That was until Jo came around, Cas, she made me see sense! I haven't had a single client since I came to see you"

Confused blue eyes met his green and he nodded slowly. "Not a single one, they are furious with me, so is Lilith and I don't care, I just don't care because I'm a fool, I know that now, I should have never left you when you told me to leave"

Dean suddenly moved towards him gripping his arms and pulling him onto his lap. Castiel stared down at him confused as he straddled him placing his legs on either side of his.

"I'm going to quit for not only myself but for you, for Sam, Jess and little MJ. I don't want her coming to see me knowing I had someone over moments ago, I don't want her growing up to know that her uncle is a dirty little whore"

"What about Sam and Jess will you ever tell them?"

"Maybe one day, they do deserve to know but I just…I can't do it right now. They'll never forgive me"

"Welcome to my world" Castiel muttered grimly.

"They'll forgive you in time"

"As will Sam and Jess"

Silence stretched between them till Castiel sighed running his hands down Dean's cheeks.

"How do you feel about me, Dean?"

"I…I don't…"

"You don't know" Castiel said quietly feeling his heart take another beating.

"No! No, I do know how I feel it's just hard to explain to you…all I know is that I want what Jo told me"

"What did she tell you?"

"I want to wake up every day with your head on my pillow, I want to spend all day in bed with you on weekends, marking you, fucking you and knowing you're mine" Dean whispered up to him feeling like a big sappy girl but not caring for once.

Castiel bit his lip with a nod looking down at his hands against Dean's chest.

"Don't you feel like today has just been so hectic and so rushed?"

"God yes" he whispered with a breath of laughter. "I feel like I haven't slept in years, I am so hungry and all I want to do is sleep and cry"

Castiel laughed knowing the feeling too well and pressed his forehead against his with a sigh.

"Dean, I don't know what to do. I am a rush of emotions, I need to speak to my family, I need to see Gabriel, speak to Anna about why she did this to me, and I need to know for real that you won't break my heart all over again"

Dean frowned up at him and shook his head confused.

"What?"

"I need to know you won't break my heart all over again, you can understand why I am sceptical, Dean, you're a rent boy and how can I not know that one day in the future you will not turn back to your old ways? Am I really enough for you?"

Dean reeled back horrified. "Do you really think that little of me?"

"No I don't, I think highly of you, Dean"

"Oh yeah! Sounds like it" Dean hissed up at him.

"You cannot blame for feeling this, Dean! I have the right to be worried, I mean, technically you haven't really told me how you feel about me, only what you want me for"

The breath felt like it was stolen from Dean as he gaped shoving Castiel off him so he yelped falling onto the floor stunned.

"I know what I want! I want you"

"I want you too, I just…."

"Yeah, need reassurance I won't break your heart well you know what, Cas?" Dean hissed down at him sending shivers of fear, abandonment, loneliness and rejection seeping into Cas bones. Castiel's eyes practically screamed "_Don't leave me!" _at him and he nodded.

"I'm going to prove it" he said with a final look at him before leaving the house and leaving behind a stunned and confused Castiel to run his words through his head.

Dean pulled out his phone determined to show him and himself that he could change the future; he could change it for better.

**A/N: Here you go, guys! I am so sorry about the long wait, I'm really not well at all but I am a fast updater so I had to do it!**

**You guys gave me 21 reviews for that last chapter and I want to send you cookies, love, and hugs because each one was just amazing. **

**I do apologise if this isn't up to standards but I feel like shit and tried my best. **


	13. Chapter 13

Three sharp raps on the door startled Castiel as he made himself some lunch. He opened the door to see a turned down smile and concerned brown eyes looking up at him.

"Gabriel, I wondered when you would show your face" Castiel murmured in greeting opening the door wider and letting him in.

Gabriel huffed. He stepped inside moving straight into the living room and turned on the spot to stare at him for a long moment.

"Michael called me"

"Are you turning your back on me as well?"

"How can you even say that?" Gabriel said astonished placing a hand on his chest feeling a little hurt. "I'm the one who knew about this from the very beginning!"

"I know! I just…I just don't know what to think anymore"

"Well I'm not turning on you or leaving you, Castiel, I wouldn't do that and I gave Michael piece of mind"

"He said I was nothing to him now, father won't even out of his room"

"He's in shock and Michael is a big homophobe" Gabriel muttered bitterly kicking the carpet. "This is Anna's fault"

"I wasn't going to tell them so in her hurt, in her anger, she told them. I don't blame her" Castiel said with a tiring sigh.

"Well you should! I get that you didn't love her like you were supposed to but she loved you, it was just cruel"

"I'm not having this conversation, Gabe" he replied getting up and moving back into the kitchen to make some lunch again.

Gabriel rolled his eyes following him out and leaned against the counter appraising him.

"So… are you still going to that rent-boy?"

"Not anymore no" he murmured staring down at his black coffee.

"Why? You're freely single"

"Because it's complicated" he snapped back throwing the spoon into the sink and turning away from him.

"How complicated?"

"Falling in love and being rejected complicated"

"Oh" Gabriel breathed feeling his eyes bulge wide.

"It's kind of being sorted though" Castiel said turning to face him. "Yesterday, Dean's brother and sister in law were nearly killed in a car crash and I was with him, throughout it all and we came back here and we talked…I told him I couldn't trust him yet because I'm afraid of being heartbroken again and he just pushed me away and said he would prove it to me"

"Prove what?"

"Prove that I can trust him and he won't break my heart all over again, go back to his old ways"

"You think he would do that?"

"I think if he grew bored of me, missed the cash and wanted more than I could give him then yes…I think he would"

"You don't trust him at all do you?"

"I do, I just…"

"You're scared of getting your heart broken like so many other people out there but, Castiel, you knew this was going to happen, you knew he couldn't love you back and now he's trying to find a way to make you trust him?"

"Yes, I know"

"I wouldn't push him too far, Cas, he's taking a big step here"

"I know" he whispered circling his little finger around the rim of the cup. "I just want him, all of him; I don't want to share him with anyone else"

"Then let's hope lover boy can do that" Gabriel said with a sigh popping in some toast.

~0~

"Dean Winchester, you are a dead man!" Jo raged storming up to him as he walked into the café.

"My brother and sister in law were in a car accident!" he protested which made her stop and look him up and down shocked.

"Are they okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're both fine and now have a little girl" he said with a hint of pride in his voice. "So anyway I went to see Cas and well…"

He took Jo's elbow guiding her to a table in the corner.

"He was a mess, Jo, alcohol everywhere; he hasn't been eating at all, he also received a call from his family because that bitch of a wife told his brother and father he was gay"

Jo gasped covering her mouth letting out a shaky breath as she tucked a stray blonde hair behind her ear.

"I can't believe that"

"I went to see him as you said and I walked into that house, went upstairs, into his bathroom and saw him clutching a bottle of pills and a vodka bottle" Dean said grimily. "He wanted to kill himself"

"He would never!"

"Oh he would and he was going to! He practically broke down on my shoulder, Jo, he sobbed and told me everything, told me he had nothing to live for but I sorted it"

"How?" she whispered staring up at him with big glassy eyes.

"I told him how it was, that he had his friends, he still had family who would one day forgive him and he had me"

"Does he really?"

"What?"

"Does he have you, Dean?"

Dean smirked with a short nod. "Oh he has me"

Jo sighed leaning back into her chair and casting a look around the small café to see Ellen and Ash in the middle of a heated debate in the kitchen.

"It's about time, Dean; I was beginning to tire of you two dancing around each other"

"But he doesn't trust me, he thinks I'm going to break his heart and I don't want that, I want to show him he can trust me and I'm not going to be a dick again"

"How?"

Dean leant forward towards her making her frown and tilt her head at him confused.

"I need you for this" he murmured rubbing his lips together contemplating how to ask. "You know Cas well don't you?"

"I know him well enough yes"

"Has Castiel ever mentioned a favourite place?"

"What?" she muttered.

"A favourite place or a childhood memory or just anywhere that is special to him?"

Jo hesitated casting her eyes down to the table tapping her fingers gently.

"There was one place he mentioned a while back"

Dean nodded at her encouragingly feeling a little spark of hope.

"It's a lake I think, Shawnee Mission Park if I remember correctly, he mentioned it once and twice because apparently his dad took him and his brothers there once and he just…fell in love" Jo said with a small sad smile. "He took Anna once and she hated it, seriously hated it, he never went back and he never spoke about it again"

"But that's his favourite place?"

"It held good memories, he told me that it was the only time when they really acted like a family, they had fun and it was nice"

"Perfect" he murmured pulling out his phone and typing quickly.

"Do you want to bring up the subject of Castiel nearly killing himself around me one more time!" she hissed at him now feeling angry.

Dean flicked his eyes up to her and pocketed his phone with a sigh.

"He was depressed, Jo, I am to blame for that and he saw a way out, a deadly way out and I need to set it right, I need to prove myself"

"For him or yourself?"

"Both" he muttered pushing back the chair. "Thanks, Jo, you were great"

"I didn't do anything"

"Oh believe me, you have done" he said with a quirk of his lips, he moved away from the table and exited the place in a flash jumping into the Impala. He punched into his phone for directions and grinned setting off to Castiel's to put his plan into motion.

Castiel was settling down on the couch staring at his silent phone wondering where Dean was right now and if he really did plan to set it right. A knock made him blink and get up to answer it quickly, Dean burst in with a grin gripping his shoulders.

"I know you don't trust me right now, you have every right! But trust me now?" he pleaded staring into openly frightened blue eye as they widened and his head bobbed up and down in a nod.

"Okay" he whispered and gasped when Dean pulled out white cloth and placed it over his eyes denying him sight.

"Dean, what are you doing!"

"Trust me" he purred into his ear. Castiel felt a shiver run down his spine and he nodded turning his head towards him. Dean bit his lip knowing it was wrong to do it right now but his mouth had never looked more inviting right now as he placed a soft kiss to his lips.

Castiel groaned when he pulled away.

"Come on" Dean said gripping his wrist and tugging him outside.

"Can you please tell me why I'm blindfolded and where you are taking me? This is rather alarming"

"It's a surprise" he said gripping his wrist to steady him. "This is me proving myself to you"

"This is rather a bizarre way to go about it, Dean"

"Trust me" he whispered again rubbing soothing circles onto his hips.

"Fine" he said with a tired sigh letting him guide him to the passenger seat.

"No peeking or I'll punish you" he muttered into his ear and grinning when he moaned low. Dean slammed the door behind him and moved around the car sliding into the driver's seat and starting her up.

"This is insane"

"Well I'm currently insane about you, so shut it" he muttered pulling out of the parking space. Castiel drew in a sharp breath turning towards him stunned.

"Did you…Dean, say that again?"

"Say what?" he said innocently but grinned at him even though he couldn't see him.

"Dean!" he whined reaching out his hand to touch his arm. "You're insane about me?"

Dean bit his lip concentrating on the road and smirking when Castiel drew his hand away.

"Ass" he muttered folding his arms over and turning his back to him now in a bad mood.

"You're cute in a bad mood, Cas"

Castiel huffed but hid a smile leaning his cheek on the window. The cotton was scratchy on his cheek and eyes but he couldn't deny how excited he actually was. No one had ever done this to him and he had not one idea where they could possibly be going. Music suddenly came on and an old classic rock song he heard in the 80's blast into the small space. Dean hummed along to it tapping his hands on the steering wheel as they hit the main roads.

Castiel closed his eyes listening to the sound of his voice as he sang without knowing and wondered if he could sleep for a few hours so he did.

Dean pulled out his phone and smiled at the fact they were an hour out. He glanced over to Castiel who slept against the window breathing deeply.

"Cas" he murmured shaking his leg and pulling back when he lurched away from the window breathing heavily.

"What…what happened? Why is it dark?" he murmured touching the blindfold gingerly.

"Hands off" Dean said swatting his hand away from it. "I will hurt you; it's there for a reason, so sit back and wait"

"I'm starving"

"I'm not surprised considering you haven't eaten for a week! Well we're nearly there so sit tight" Dean replied pressing his foot down more and increasing their speed.

Castiel muttered inaudibly under his breath at being sore, tired and hungry and it was all his fault. Dean bit the inside of his cheek repressing laughter and now discovered that a hungry Cas was a pissed off Cas. He reached out stroking a hand over his thigh making him jump startled but allowed him to continue. Dean moved his hand up and down the top of his thigh slowly listening as Castiel's breath hitched and quickened.

"50 minutes tops" he murmured slowly removing his hand.

Castiel groaned pressing his hands over his face.

"Did you have to do that?"

"Why? What's wrong?" he said innocently but couldn't help but notice the bulge in his jeans.

"You know exactly what!" Castiel hissed at him.

"I think I like you angry and pissed off" Dean murmured in a low voice.

"You've seen nothing yet" he muttered bitterly.

"Oh baby keep taking dirty" he hissed and laughed when Castiel huffed annoyed.

"It's not funny, Dean!"

Dean raised an eyebrow inwardly disagreeing with that as he changed lanes turning them towards the park.

"I think it is, just relax!"

The rest of the journey was spent silent as Castiel brooded feeling apprehensive and moody while Dean found a parking spot.

"Okay, I chose this because I didn't want to do this in some random pub or a house, I wanted somewhere I knew was special to you" Dean said before getting out of the car and heading around to the passenger seat. Castiel's brow puckered as he took Dean's hands and walked with him feeling gravel underneath his feet. He inhaled deeply smelling cut grass, water, and something sweet in the air. His ears were filled with the sounds of water, laughter and chatter from people passing by and his curiosity reached its peak.

"Dean, where am I?" he said allowing himself to be dragged around.

Dean faced him near a fence overlooking the whole park and bit his lip hoping this went to plan.

"Okay, don't freak on me or get angry okay?" Dean said removing his blindfold.

"I promise" he said quietly and squinting his eyes against the sun light as he took in his surroundings and gasped long and hard.

"Shawnee Mission Park" he whispered astonished spinning in a circle to take in the sights before facing Dean. "How could you possibly know about this place?"

"Jo" Dean said simply with a shrug. "She told me how much you liked this place and it was the only place she knew…so why not"

Castiel drew in a sharp breath feeling tears prickle his eyes and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"It was my favourite childhood place ever, it was the first place ever we acted as a family and for three days there was no arguments, no fighting, and we had fun" he said in awe. "I took Anna here for an anniversary once and she hated it, she hated scenery, the water, everything about it and I never came here again"

"Well you're here now"

"Yes, yes thanks to you" he murmured coming into his personal space. "Now I want to know why"

Dean simply took his hand and brought him with him as they walked down the embankment together towards the lake. It was very calm despite the boats out water rafting, it was a darkish blue and quite beautiful.

"This" Dean said pulling out his phone containing every number of clients and Lilith. He turned to Castiel who looked at him expectantly and watched as Dean launched his phone into the water watching it sink.

"That phone contained the number of every client I had, the agency and Lilith which is now at the bottom of that lake" Dean said with a satisfied tone to his voice. "I've quit my job for good and I never intend to go back to my old ways"

Dean fully turned his body towards him and caught his hand pulling him to his chest. Castiel landed against his chest with a huff and steadied himself against him with a small smile.

"You've had your turn to talk to me, spill your feelings, spill the truth to me and now…it's my turn" Dean murmured entwining their hands together and smiling wickedly at him.

"Let's begin…"

**A/N: I'm just so evil. **

**I'm not really; I'll continue it in another chapter! I still have so much to get through. **

**Enjoy guys. **


	14. Chapter 14

Dean stared into the openly excited but apprehensive blue eyes and smirked dragging his hand into his hair and letting out a sigh.

"The first time I met you do you want to know what I thought?"

"Yes" Castiel murmured softly feeling a shiver run down his spine.

"I thought you were nervous, you looked like you were 10 seconds from crying and I knew you lied about your name but the one thing that stuck out was how good looking you are" he said carefully smirking when pink tinted Castiel's cheeks.

"You are also amazing in bed, seriously, it is and was bloody incredible" he said with a puff of laughter. Castiel groaned embarrassed pressing his forehead against his neck.

"I knew instantly that I wanted to see you again, I needed to see you again actually, and you called the next day" he murmured dragging his fingers through the curls at the back of his neck. "My heart actually leapt when I saw your number on my phone and again and again you called…you became like a little drug"

"Dean…" Castiel started but was silenced as Dean pressed two fingers onto his lips.

"When you told me you couldn't pay anymore and you couldn't afford it, I panicked. I actually panicked over losing a client and I lowered my price for you, I never would have done that for someone else"

"Should I feel special?"

Dean shook his head casting an eye around them as he looked down into the water for a long moment.

"Sleeping with the clients wasn't the same, it was different" Dean said looking up to him now and seeing a disgruntled look on his face. "I asked you to be my boyfriend for that weekend and I relished it more than you know, you didn't just get a glimpse of what life would be like, Cas, so did I"

"You did?"

"Yeah, it scared me to death" he admitted. "You were acting so strange and then that night on the couch was so different, so unlike what I was used to and then Sam and Jess instantly liked you. I knew then I was screwed"

"When you came back after splitting with Anna and told me all those things, Cas, I didn't know how to react, I didn't what to say, so I did the only thing I knew and it was to push you away. I had never felt so guilty in all my life but it was my job, I was under strict instructions not to fall for one of my clients and look at what you've gone and done"

Castiel smiled gently wrapping his arms around his neck and cocking his head at him.

"What are you trying to say, Dean?"

Dean hesitated feeling alarm bells sound in his head but he pushed them away placing his hands on Castiel's cheeks stroking them softly.

"I…I love you" he said quickly feeling his cheeks flush with the words.

Castiel bit his lip hard for a long moment looking down at the grass beneath them before looking up to him.

"Can I trust you?"

"Yeah, believe me when I say I am never, ever, going back to that job, Cas" Dean said moving forward and claiming his lips as his own. "I've found something a lot better"

Castiel smiled when he kissed him again but pulled away moments later.

"You took me to my favourite place, you threw away your phone ending that part of your life for me and your family and you've just told me that you love me…is this the real Dean?" he murmured jokily.

"Very real" he replied with a small smile. "I'm not good with feelings, Cas, I bottle them up, I turn them away, I overlook them and because of that I lose things that I care dearly about. I nearly lost you because I turned you away and I rejected you. I don't want to live like this anymore, I want to wake up with someone I can love and who crazily enough loves me right back"

Castiel wrinkled his nose when he poked it gently. "I guess that makes me crazy"

"Insane. But you can trust me enough to know that this is it now, no more clients, no more sharing me, no more lies"

Castiel stared at him for a long second taking in his earnest expression, his eyes filled with fear and love that made Castiel's heart beat ten times faster. Dean had outdone himself, he had never expected this to happen and couldn't resist leaning over and kissing him full on the mouth. Dean groaned gripping his waist tightly as he kissed him back pushing his tongue gently into his mouth sliding it against Castiel's tongue.

Castiel groaned rolling his hips catching Dean's arousal as he gasped pulling away and biting down on his bottom lip.

"We can't do this here" Castiel gasped out tilting his head back as Dean attacked it sucking hard on his pulse.

"Car" Dean breathed against the mark he had left on his neck. Dean gripped his wrist tugging him to the car quickly casting a look around hoping no one was around and thankfully no one was.

Castiel shoved him against the passenger door grinding his hips against his groin feeling the hardness underneath him; Dean groaned fisting his hands into Castiel's hair.

"Backseat, it's my turn" Castiel breathed harshly opening the door and shoving him inside. Dean slid in on his back staring up in awe at Castiel who slammed it shut pulling his t-shirt and jacket off in the process. Dean caught on quick as he removed his own clothing, kicking off shoes, pants, socks, underwear till they both fully naked.

"Open your legs" Castiel muttered breathlessly slipping in between Dean's thighs as he reached down kissing him hard. Dean groaned missing the skin to skin contact he hadn't felt since he had been with his last client but that was nothing, this was everything. The pressure of Castiel's lips left his and moved kissing down his jaw and around his neck. Dean groaned moving his hands down the length of his back till they reached his ass, he cupped them rocking his hips against Castiel's causing friction between their cocks eliciting sharp moans from the pair of them.

Castiel kissed slowly down his chest moving towards his left nipple and biting down on it softly getting a keening cry from Dean. He smirked against the skin as he soothed it with his tongue and sucked on the pale pink bud feeling Dean writhe and moan underneath him.

"Cas, please" he hissed gripping the top of the black hair and tugging him back up for a scorching kiss which sent shivers running down Castiel's spine.

"Do you have lube?"

"Jean's pocket" he hissed out when Castiel rolled his hips sending another wave of arousal and pleasure screaming inside him. Castiel leaned over to the passenger seat scooping it out and moving awkwardly down to the bottom of the seat spreading his legs wider squirting the clear liquid onto his fingers.

"Cas!" Dean begged when he slid a finger inside the tight hole knowing that this was his first time with someone on top and he would be the only one. Castiel let out a small moan at that though, he was his, all his. He slid a second finger inside him scissoring the hole wide enough to slip a third inside him.

"Shit" Dean hissed clutching the seat in one hand feeling a sweat break over him as he writhed and panted against Castiel's intruding fingers. "Cas, please, do it now!"

Castiel obeyed angling his hips and cock against the hole and edged the head inside him slowly. Dean squeezed his eyes shut letting out a gasp of pain not realising how much it actually hurt. It had been a very long time since someone had done this to him and he gasped feeling a wave of pain spread inside his lower regions start to dull and be replaced with something more pleasant, more bearable.

"Cas, move!" he hissed at him when Castiel gripped his hips tight enough to move and slid out of him before moving back inside him with one quick thrust. Like a puzzle they fitted together perfectly and rocked together. Dean moved his hands down Castiel's sweaty back gripping his ass and urging him deeper inside him. Castiel groaned leaning down to kiss him as he thrusted into him harder hitting the prostate in one thrust. Dean let out a cry feeling what felt like the car rock underneath him, Castiel reached down his hand and moved his hand up and down Dean's cock in three quick strokes.

Dean felt it building up inside him and something inside his groin burst as his toes curled inwards and he cummed hard into Castiel's hand. Castiel followed soon after shooting his load into Dean riding out his orgasm till he collapsed on top of Dean.

Dean grunted underneath his weight but shifted till he was comfortable and let out a long tiring sigh.

"God, I've missed you" Dean murmured kissing his forehead.

"Was that okay?" Castiel mumbled into his chest.

"Fantastic" Dean murmured not wanting to move ever again, Castiel still remained inside him and Dean found it strangely comforting, he felt so full.

Dean watched as Castiel raised himself up looking out the window and smirked.

"No one saw and if they did…we'll never know"

Dean looked up at him and bit his lip at how beautiful he looked. He felt like a big sappy girl for thinking it but with his flushed cheeks, his hair all sweaty and sticking up and now including a rather large hickey on his neck was enough to make Dean hard all over again.

"Come here" Dean whispered cupping the back of his neck and kissing him softly. Castiel smiled into the kiss stroking a hand into his hair.

"I forgot to say" Castiel murmured peppering kisses down his jaw. "I love you too"

Dean smiled feeling a small burst of what people call happiness in his chest and nodded pulling him down into a bone crushing kiss.

~0~

The drive back was pleasant enough as Castiel dozed on and off against Dean's shoulder. Dean couldn't stop smiling throughout the whole journey and every time they stopped at traffic lights he would move his head inhaling Castiel's scent. Castiel smelled of citrus shampoo, sex, sweat and himself which made Dean shine with pride, Castiel smelled of him, it made him _his _in every sense of the word.

They arrived back at Castiel's place in quicker time then they did to get there and Dean turned his head pressing a small kiss to his forehead shaking him awake.

"Come on, sleeping beauty" he murmured stopping the engine.

Castiel opened his eyes blinking surprised. "We're here already?"

"Magic" Dean muttered with a twinkle in his eye.

Castiel smiled at him stepping out of the car and yawning as he stretched out his back. Dean's eyes flashed down as a bit of skin was revealed and his hunger inside him roared again. He wrapped his arms around him nestling his chin on his shoulder as he backed his groin against his ass.

"Don't tell me you are still up for it?" Castiel said stunned with a hint of a smile.

"You are too damn irresistible" Dean purred into his ear pushing him towards the house. Castiel opened it with a chuckle and pushed open the door before spinning around in his arms kissing him hard sliding his tongue against Dean's.

"Oh my god" a voice whispered and they both turned to see a figure in the hallway watching the entire scene in front of them. Castiel stared at the figure in horror for a moment before turning to look at Dean who sheepishly looked down at the floor swallowing hard not knowing what to say or do as they both turned back to the figure and prepared to face the on slaughter.

**A/N: My shortest chapter but I like being evil and leaving you lot wanting more! Ahaha! **

**I have over 110 reviews for 13 chapters! My god, I love the lot of you. **

**Enjoy ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel stared into the eyes of his brother and father in horror. This was his worst nightmare. Dean swallowed hard letting go of Castiel reluctantly and stepping away from him.

"Michael, father" Castiel addressed them feeling sicker than he ever imagined as Michael glared at him with such hatred and his father's blank expression spoke volumes.

"I…I didn't see the car" Castiel said turning to look at the empty street.

"We parked down the street" Michael replied in a steely tone.

Castiel flinched glancing to Dean who bit his lip looking up to him.

"I should go"

"Oh no! Please, stay" Michael hissed at him in disgust.

Dean glared at him for a moment before turning back to Castiel.

"I'll go, I don't want to cause an argument…but you call me straight after this"

"I can't remember" he murmured with a raised eyebrow.

Dean smirked nodding at him. "Well you know where I am"

Castiel nodded not wanting him to leave but the further away he was from his family, the better. Dean turned to fix a hard warning gaze on Michael and Chuck before leaving out of the door and down the road. Castiel closed the door silently staring at the brown oak for a long minute before spinning around to face them.

"How did you get in here?"

"The key under the flower pot" Chuck said holding it up. "Really, Castiel, anyone could get in here"

Castiel mentally hit himself for putting it back under there and stared into the faces of the family who had recently disowned him.

"Why are you here?"

"We came to talk sense into you! But instead we are greeted by the sight of you kissing that vile creature" Michael hissed at him his mouth forming a grimace. "You're disgusting"

"Michael" Chuck warned looking up to his eldest.

"He is father! You saw it; I mean it was practically in the street! Parading your little whore around are you? Are you proud of him?"

"He's not a whore" Castiel said in a tight voice clenching his fists and moving past them into the living room.

"You left your own wife for him? For that?" Michael shouted holding up a hand to Chuck who opened his mouth. "You'll have your turn, let me speak father"

Castiel turned slowly around to face him looking up to him and flexing his jaw prepared for anything he had to say.

"I couldn't believe my ears when Anna called me to say you had left her but not only that, for a rent-boy! A disgusting, sinful, little disease"

"Don't you dare call Dean that, Michael, not in my house and certainly not in front of me" he replied in a cold tone.

"Think you are in love with him don't you?" Michael said laughing.

"I do love him but what would you know? You know nothing of love" Castiel said with a smug smile. Michael glared at him and Castiel could see his fist twitch and knew he wanted to punch him.

"I will one day know the love of a woman, a love that society will accept, and a love that our father will accept"

Chuck turned to look at Michael as he sat down on the sofa looking very tired. Castiel swallowed looking over to him.

"Do you have nothing to say to me? Michael has plenty but Michael was always the most insightful, the most opinionated and of course the golden child" Castiel raged at him.

Chuck sighed deeply and felt so tired as he cast an eye over his two sons before settling on Castiel.

"You have disappointed me" he said finally.

Castiel exhaled a breath laughing for a moment looking towards the wall.

"I have always disappointed you"

"Not always, son, you have disappointed me now with this reckless and improper act"

"What? Accepting who I am? Not living a lie with a woman I never truly loved, who I lied to? Or falling in love with a man who is not a disgusting disease but a man who saved my from myself and I him"

Chuck sighed running a hand into his hair.

"It's not right, Castiel, you know this"

"I have always disappointed you, just like Gabriel"

"Gabriel has nothing to do with this!" Michael shouted interrupting them.

"Gabriel has everything to do with this!" Castiel shouted back feeling angry now and relishing this fact. "It was always you! You dick!"

Michael raised an eyebrow at him surprised by the outburst. Castiel breathed out liking this word and inwardly thanked Dean.

"You the precious, perfect, obedient son while the little ones trailed after you! Gabriel was the first to disappoint you, father, I am the second and it will be Michael who is the third"

"I will never!"

"Of course you wouldn't!" Castiel raged pointing a finger at him. "Because you're perfect aren't you, Michael?"

"I try my best" he seethed with cold black eye which made Castiel shudder.

"I think I and Gabriel would have a lot to argue against that, don't you?"

Michael swallowed flinching a little before regaining his stance.

"This isn't about me, Castiel, this is about you, this is about your deceit, your betrayal!"

Chuck sat back pinching the bridge between his nose not noticing Castiel pull out his phone dialling a number and pressing it to his ear.

"Gabriel! Get here now" he hissed down the phone.

"What? Why?"

"Family meeting" he murmured before hanging up on a very confused Gabriel.

"Now, Castiel, there was no need to bring your brother into this"

"There was every need! Gabriel has been my side ever since I was a child, supporting me, backing me, he knew about me and he tried to stop me marrying Anna"

"He knew?" Michael and Chuck said together in shocked horror.

Castiel nodded feeling his form trembling with inner anger. He sighed letting out a deep puff of air feeling very sick and knew he needed sleep, food, and most of all, Dean. Michael scoffed shaking his head turning away throwing up his arms.

"What has this family turned into?"

"We are what we made us; I am not to blame here"

"You are!" Michael near enough screamed making Castiel freeze as he turned on him. "You are such a waste of time, air, and life!"

"Michael!" Chuck shouted getting up and tugging him away from Castiel. "Enough this instant"

A noise startled them as Gabriel strolled in staring at each of them in turn.

"Family meeting I wasn't aware of? Oh how times haven't changed" he muttered in disgust strolling inside and stepping near Castiel. "Michael, long time no see"

"Gabriel" Michael said with a stiff nod backing away as Chuck pulled him back.

"This has to stop! I did not raise you like this"

"Oh but you did, dad" Gabriel replied simply. "We have been fighting since we were infants, barely out of diapers and we fought like animals over toys, food, and now twenty years later we fight about our own lives, our own choices"

"He's wrong" Michael spat not looking at Gabriel but at Castiel who gritted his teeth stepping towards Michael.

"So wrong am I? If I remember correctly when I was eight years old, when I had a nightmare and came running to find my father for him to comfort me did I run into his bedroom" Castiel hissed seeing Michael pale and his pupils dilate in fear.

"I came running into that bedroom to see on his bed spread not my father but Michael…fucking the neighbours babysitter bareback"

Chuck gasped turning to Michael as Gabriel gaped at him for a moment before cracking up into loud laughter.

"I fucking knew it!" Gabriel shouted.

Michael trembled silently staring at Castiel brimming with anger, the anger swept over him in waves leaving a metal tang on his tongue.

"Also in our kitchen when I came home early from school, smoking tobacco in the shed when you thought no one would notice and creeping out every night without anyone but me noticing…" Castiel said with a smug grin only to be silenced when Michael swung his fist punching him hard in the mouth.

Castiel stumbled back feeling blood burst in his mouth and groaning as pain hit him full in the face. Chaos erupted as Chuck shouted shoving Michael away angrily.

"You touch him again, Michael, and brother or not I'll fucking kick your head in you piece of shit!" Gabriel shouted at him being held back by Chuck who was attempting to control the situation.

"He deserves it! Filthy lying queer" Michael shouted back as Gabriel halted shocked while Castiel stared at his brother in horror.

"Michael!" Chuck shouted.

Gabriel charged towards him only to be caught by Castiel who despite the situation was a lot stronger than he realised and dragged him back.

"No, stop it!" he ordered

"Homophobic bastard" Gabriel snarled at him. "You are supposed to be his brother! Our brother! Does family mean nothing to you?"

"Thinks he's in love with that creature, you are nothing but a whore like him!"

"I love him and there is nothing you can say or do about it" Castiel said loudly pushing past Gabriel to stand in front of his father and brother. "I love Dean Winchester and there is nothing you can say or do to change that, this is it now, there is no going back. I want him and only him, I am sorry if I have disappointed you but this is me. I am your flesh and blood and nothing will change that, so you either accept me for who I really am or you leave"

Gabriel stared at Castiel in proud admiration as he smiled at him and turned to look at Michael and Chuck.

"I will never accept you…I will never accept this! I came here today with the hope I could change your mind, make you see what you're doing is wrong, sinful, against God. You will go to hell for this, Castiel"

"You can go to hell for smoking, playing football, eating shellfish and even being near women when they are on their monthly's, Michael, every single day a sin is committed and if I go to hell for loving a man then so be it"

Michael scoffed in disgust.

"You are no brother of mine and neither are you Gabriel, you are dead to me"

With that final word, Michael swept from the living room and out of the front door. Castiel breathed out shakily looking at his father who simply stared at the floor.

"Am I dead to you, father?"

"No" Chuck said looking up and placing two hands on his shoulders. "You are my son, my child, and I love you unconditionally no matter what you do, what you say and how much you have disappointed me. I love you both"

Chuck looked to Gabriel when he said this before turning his eyes back to Castiel.

"I don't understand how I raised this mess though, this fighting is unreasonable and I will not condone it. You have disappointed me and I only wish you would see reason but..." he said trailing off looking away from him to the wall. "I cannot accept this new development in your life"

"Relationship" he corrected with hard eyes.

"Relationship, I cannot" he said taking his hands away. "Michael is stubborn, you all are and I am so tired"

"Know the feeling" Gabriel murmured running a hand into his hair with a sigh.

Chuck's lips quirked into a small smile and he stood back. "You haven't changed at all, Gabriel"

"You have"

"I'm an old man" he murmured with a sigh looking to the door. "I suppose I should follow your brother"

"Am I disowned?" Castiel murmured reaching out to him.

"No" Chuck said with a shake of his head. "I am always here for you, but give us some time"

Castiel nodded wringing his hands together awkwardly. Chuck looked at them both with an amused small smile before sighing and collecting himself.

"Being a father is hard, boys, more than you had ever imagined. But I don't regret it…not for one second" he said turning his hand nodding at them as he walked out of the living room and out the front door closing it quietly behind him.

Silence stretched between them in the living room as they looked back to recent events

"Wow, I think we win the award for the worst family meetings" Gabriel said scratching the back of his head with an awkward laugh.

Castiel nodded in agreement wincing at the pain in his jaw.

"You okay?"

"No but I'll live" Castiel murmured in a shaky voice.

"You may have lost Michael but you will always have me"

Castiel smiled a little turning to look at him. "You are all I need"

Gabriel smiled smugly ruffling his hair. Castiel batted his hand away before letting out a deep sigh.

"I need Dean"

"So he did it then? He won fair maidens heart?"

"Oh shut up" Castiel grumbled grabbing his jacket. "But yes, he's all mine now"

"Cute, I think I may sick on your head"

"Goodbye Gabriel" Castiel said with a roll of his eyes. "Lock up please"

~0~

Dean kicked back on the couch fiddling with the pillow anxiously.

"I shouldn't have left him" he muttered kicking the coffee table feeling like an idiot. A small knock made him jump and he jumped up hoping it wasn't an old client, he opened the door and sighed loudly in relief.

"Hello, Dean" Castiel muttered stepping in and falling into his open arms. Dean hugged him close inhaling his scent and slamming the door behind him.

"You okay baby?" he whispered into his ear. Castiel nuzzled his neck with a nod.

"I am now" he murmured looking up to him and kissing him softly. Dean tilted his chin up appraising him and frowned noticing his swollen cheek.

"Did he hurt you?"

"Michael punched me when I spoke a few home truths about him"

"That sonofabitch!" he cried stroking over it with his thumb feeling a protective fury rise up inside him. "Brother or not, I'll kill him"

"You can't"

"Why not?"

"He's my brother" Castiel said simply pulling back down kissing him softly tasting him on his lips. "All I want right now is you, a bed, and some sleep"

Dean sighed with nod grabbing his hand and pulling him with him as they wandered into the bedroom. Castiel stopped staring at the bed.

"You changed your sheets?"

"A new quilt, covers, pillow, everything. It's all brand new and never slept in" he muttered feeling a blush rise up. "I wanted a change, a fresh start, these sheets will only ever be between me and you, and these are ours" He was trying for him and that was enough, Dean was not like this. He knew his outburst in that park was so unlike him in every way possible but when you're fighting for something or someone you love, you'll try anything once.

"Dean" Castiel whispered turning towards him and pulling him into a rough kiss. Dean responded immediately pushing him towards the bed so they tumbled on to the crisp sheets.

"Shall we christen them?" Castiel murmured opening his legs so Dean could fit between them. Dean grinned at the tempting offer.

"I thought you wanted sleep"

"I want you a lot more" he replied trailing his hand up into the brown hair teasing the ends.

"Get your clothes off" Dean growled stripping his own off as he kicked off his jeans and t-shirt launching them over his head onto the floor. Castiel immediately followed stripping off unnecessary clothing till he was completely naked. The skin on skin contact was amazing as every part of Dean's body touched Castiel and he groaned pressing his mouth to his neck and collarbone. He sucked on the skin tasting sweat and cologne that made his mouth water.

Dean moaned gripping the top of Castiel's hair as they grinded together feeling their erections create friction.

"God, you are so beautiful" Castiel murmured trailing his hands across the smoothness of the white but tanned skin and groaning when Dean gripped his waist in a vice grip kissing his neck slowly till he reached the clavicle and sucked hard. Castiel gasped gripping Dean's hair as he nibbled and sucked on the sensitive skin leaving a red mark which would linger for weeks. Dean smiled against his skin moving down his chest biting down into the skin, Castiel moaned ardently arching into his touch.

"More, I want more" he begged feeling Dean's hands slip down his body carefully reaching down to his thighs and stroked the inner skin. Castiel moaned loudly shivering and shuddering as Dean moaned with him moving further down cupping his ass cheeks bringing them up as he kissed his hip bone.

"Dean" Castiel gasped out.

"You have no idea how gorgeous you are" Dean murmured. "You're all mine, you have no idea how much that turns me on… I am the only one who will ever see you like this"

Castiel felt his thighs tremble with need and his body buck in response.

"Yes, god yes, I'm yours" he said breathlessly.

Dean grinned biting down into the tender flesh relishing the gasps escaping Castiel's mouth. He kissed slowly into his groin inhaling the scent there for a long minute before moving into his thighs kissing the inner thighs.

"Oh! Oh….shit" Castiel cursed shuddering with his eyes closed as he writhed and panted for more.

"Cas, turn over" he whispered watching him flip over to his stomach and brought him up to his knees kissing the side of his neck softly moving across to the back as he kissed slowly down his spine. Castiel groaned loudly feeling his cock harden even more so it was painful and leaking pre-cum, he felt Dean reach the bottom before trailing his tongue back up.

Dean moaned tasting the salty taste of his skin slapping his ass hard with his hand watching him gasp launching forward a little.

"More" he hissed relishing the pain and pleasure as Dean hit him again hard biting down into his neck. Castiel gasped gripping the hands on his waist moaning at the pain spasms in his neck and ass.

"You kinky bastard" Dean hissed into his ear.

"I am" he whispered pressing his ass his erection feeling Dean rub against him.

"Do you want me inside you?"

"Yes" he breathed. "Fuck me till I can't remember my own name"

Dean grinned against his skin again nodding silently. He moved to the cabinet bringing out a bottle of lube and squirting into his fingers as he made Castiel get into all fours as he breached the hole. Castiel gasped out loudly feeling the fingers scissor the hole open and wide enough to fit Dean.

"Dean, now, please" he hissed biting down on his bottom lip. Dean eyed the back of his head as he moved down parting his ass cheeks pressing a kiss to the hole, Castiel moaned pressing his face into his pillow. Dean parted his cheeks licking and sucking his entrance tasting the lube as he twisted his tongue pressing it into his entrance. High keened moans screamed out of Castiel as he clenched the pillow tightly in both fists.

"More! Dean…fuck me, please just…" he rambled as Dean fucked him with his tongue sliding it and sucking deeply into the hole feeling his saliva coat his chin and mouth as he pulled out hearing a whimper escape Castiel.

Dean moved pressing the head against the entrance sliding it into the deep heat slowly till he was balls deep inside him. Dean moaned closing his eyes grazing his nails across his lower back as he thrusted inside him slowly. Dean pulled out slowly bringing Castiel to his knees so he leaned against his back, head against shoulder as Dean thrusted into him hard.

Castiel turned his eyes to Dean who claimed his mouth kissing him passionately. They rocked together perfectly, Dean thrusting into the deep, warm, tight heat that was Castiel and catching Castiel's moan in his mouth. His hands slid down the sweaty skin gripping his waist tightly before sliding around wrapping a hand around Castiel's cock.

It didn't take long for Castiel to come very quickly all over Dean's hand and bed cover. He slumped back against his chest breathing heavily feeling his orgasm crash over him as Dean thrusted into him over and over again feeling his own orgasm rise up inside him clenching his muscles, his balls and calves as he climaxed gasping into Castiel's neck. Castiel felt the warm liquid fill him as Dean rode out his orgasm.

Castiel felt weak and sated as he rested against Dean's chest, he fell down to sit bringing Castiel with him.

"I love you" Castiel whispered eyes closed.

"I love you too" Dean murmured into his ear kissing the shell gently.

Castiel smiled weakly in return moaning in protest when he slid out of him rolling away and dropping down on the cover.

"Come here" he murmured opening his weightless arms for Castiel to crawl into. Castiel obeyed feeling very sleepy despite being sticky with sweat and semen. Dean wrapped the cover around them sighing in the bliss of it as he kissed his temple softly.

"Sleep" he whispered but Castiel was already gone from the world.

~0~

Castiel knew it was the next day when he woke up. It was early morning, he felt stiff, starving and sticky from last night's semen and sweat covering his body. He moaned a yawn shifting a little to see Dean snoring deeply on his pillow facing away from him but arms still wrapped around his torso.

He turned to the clock and gasped lightly.

"We slept 13 hours" he murmured shocked and raised an eyebrow. It was a Tuesday morning and to Castiel's shock he remembered that now he and Dean had no jobs. He sighed feeling worry now settle in his bones as he lightly moved out of his grip. Dean snorted in his sleep rolling over with a heavy sigh mumbling "Cas" under his breath.

Castiel smiled weakly padding out of the room naked as he moved into the bathroom washing away last night's antics. When finished and feeling slightly refreshed he moved back into the bedroom picking up a top of the floor and sliding it on with his underwear.

He groaned moving into the kitchen putting in some bread and rooting around the fridge.

In the bedroom Dean had now awoken to the sudden disappearance of the warm body next to him and rolled over frowning sleepily.

"Cas?" he murmured casting an eye around the empty bedroom. Dean felt an ache spread across him from sex last night and smiled lazily. He rolled out pulling on his jeans and moving out of the bedroom to see Castiel frying bacon.

"I could get used to this" he murmured rubbing his eyes. Castiel turned to look at him and smirked sleepily.

"Good morning"

"It certainly is…is that my top?" he murmured recognising it.

Castiel frowned looking down picking at the soft material with a shrug. "I picked up whatever was on the floor"

Dean stared at him for a long minute feeling a yearning and ache in his heart at the sight. He moved over spinning him around and kissing him hard on the lips. Castiel pulled back surprised.

"What was that for?"

"Do you have any idea how good you look like wearing my t-shirt?" he hissed in approval.

Castiel raised an eyebrow casting a look down at the top.

"How good?" he teased wrapping his arms around his neck.

"You look like your mine" he breathed staring into his eyes. "Never, ever, take that top off"

"I will keep it for bed" he murmured kissing him again.

Dean hummed trailing his hands down the top feeling his ribs underneath and sighing deeply.

"You're driving me crazy"

"From wearing a simple top?"

"You know in those films were the woman wears the man's shirt after sex to bring him breakfast…it's sexy, it's cute, and well…"he said tilting his head at him. "It's goddam amazing and you are doing the exact same, this is yours now and you are going to wear it to bed…only that"

Dean picked at the soft material too big on his narrow shoulders and sighed wanting him more than ever.

Castiel smirked amused with a nod. "Okay"

Dean rested his cheek against his temple inhaling the smell of morning and sex on Castiel feeling a sense of pride. Castiel listened to his heartbeat before pulling back to face him.

"I know this is sudden but we need to talk"

"What?" Dean said suddenly fearful.

Castiel saw his alarm and shook his head.

"Nothing drastic, I promise, but we need to talk about our…well finding our new jobs, whether or not you are going to tell Jess and Sam about your past and I need to sort out my divorce"

Dean sighed running a hand into his hair. "Can we not live in bliss for five minutes?"

"Yes but this will just catch up and bite us! I want to sort it out now so we have no fuss, no problems and we can…well, we can plan our future"

Dean inhaled deeply letting it out in a deep sigh nodding quickly. Castiel smiled wrapping his arms around him for a moment kissing him hard before letting go and attending to the bacon and toast. Dean stared at him and bit his lip hard, he knew Castiel was right and he had to face his demons instead of pushing them away. But after running from them for so long, could he really give in and tell all?

**A/N: You guys have no idea how much I loved writing this chapter. I just loved writing it! **

**I thank you all for your reviews! Seriously, 124 reviews already! I love them all, you keeping me writing. **

**So enjoy! **


	16. Chapter 16

"What about…librarian" Castiel said looking at the newspaper. Dean rolled his eyes biting down into his shoulder hard making him groan and swat his knee.

"I take that as no…" he murmured scratching it off. Dean hummed turning his head and inhaling the scent of his shampoo with a longing sigh. They had been like this for a week now, job hunting and being lazy.

"You haven't been home all week, Cas"

"No reason to go home" he replied turning over the page and frowning. "I hate this economy"

Dean smirked kissing the sensitive part under his ear liking the comfortable weight as Castiel sat in between his legs leaning against his chest.

"Why don't you go for the job as a librarian, you're brainy"

"So that automatically means I need to work in a library?"

"No" he said simply pushing the back of his head.

Castiel scowled nudging him hard in the ribs. Dean yelped glaring at him before giving in and knowing he couldn't stay mad at him for too long.

"Can't we just stop job hunting and go to bed" he whispered into his ear wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

"We spent all day yesterday in bed…I'm still sore"

"You loved it…I had you screaming" he purred into his ear. "You have never looked sexier when you're sweaty and begging for more"

Castiel shuddered taking a deep breath and gritting his teeth to gain control.

"No, Dean"

"You're such a spoilsport" he hissed licking into the shell of his ear.

"I want fresh air" Castiel murmured turning in his arms and kissing him gently. "It'll do us good"

"If you say so" Dean said regretful.

"You are constantly horny aren't you?" Castiel said with a smirk which faulted when Dean raised an eyebrow.

"What was my job, Cas?"

"Yeah…I have a job on my hands keeping you satisfied don't I?"

"You keep me satisfied, believe me" he reassured stroking a hand up his back biting down on his bottom lip teasingly. Castiel smiled stroking a hand down his cheek feeling the grains of his stubble and letting out a deep breath.

"So…following our conversation a couple of days ago, are you going to tell them?"

"Cas" Dean said turning away with a tired sigh trying to get away from him. Castiel pressed two hands on his shoulders pressing him down into the couch.

"Stay! I'm serious; they have the right to know"

"That his brother used to be a little whore?" Dean spat at him.

"It is better for them to hear from you instead of someone else"

"They'll never know! No one will tell them and me and you are together now, it's in the past, I'd like it to stay that way" Dean said in a hard tone. "I cannot afford to lose my brother and niece, Cas, I need them and they will leave me"

"You can't know that"

"Your brother punched you for being gay, Cas, and leaving your wife" Dean said touching his cheek softly. Castiel sighed grabbing his hand and kissing the knuckles softly.

"If you try and make him understand"

"They won't, Jess won't understand and they'll both know where that money came from…they'll never want to see me again" Dean said tilting his head back with a sigh. He closed his eyes when Castiel kissed his throat nuzzling the warm skin for a moment before pushing away with a sigh.

"What if it comes out?"

"Then I will explain, but for now I just want to live my life. I want to be with you, I want to find a new job, I want to get out of this place and move nearer to Sam and Jess so I can bond with MJ"

Castiel nodded slowly trailing his hands into his hair.

"Okay, I understand where you are coming from"

Dean sighed settling back into the cushions. "You spoke to Anna yet?"

"No" he murmured sheepishly.

"This divorce isn't going to happen unless you talk to her"

"I haven't seen or spoke to her since the split…she told my family about me" he said rubbing his forehead feeling a headache coming.

"Yeah, but the ball won't start rolling unless you speak to your ex and get divorced" Dean replied handing him his mobile. "It's the only way you'll become all mine"

Castiel rolled his eyes when he winked hopping up and walking into the bedroom. He sighed sitting down punching in her number and waiting patiently.

"Hello?" she answered muting the television.

"Hello, Anna"

"Oh, it's you" she murmured sitting up and turning it off. "Wow, I wasn't expecting to hear from you"

"Well I wasn't intending to but we need to speak about the divorce"

"Oh…yeah" she said exhaling running a hand into her hair. "I guess it's time"

"You told my family, Anna"

"I know I'm so sorry" she said desperately.

"My own brother has disowned me! I thought you once loved me"

"I did, I just….Rachel got into my head and I instantly regretted it afterwards. I didn't know what to say to you"

Castiel sighed shrugging his shoulders. "I don't judge you, Anna, you were angry and upset and I was wrong to cheat on you. Unhappily married or not, it was wrong of me"

"I know it was wrong of you, you cheated on me with a whore. But I was wrong to tell your family about you, which should have been you and you only"

"He's not a whore" Castiel snapped back feeling a protective surge inside him.

Anna pursued her lips getting up of the couch to pace. "Are you with him?"

"Yes, he quit his job for me"

"Oh how sweet" Anna snapped in disgust.

"Anna, I am not talking about this with you. I want to speak about the divorce; I think it's best for me and you if we do this now rather than later"

"So quick to get rid of me are you?"

"No, you are being unreasonable! I thought you would have wanted this"

"I don't know what I want!" she shouted back at him furiously.

"I thought you would have wanted this, Anna, a fresh start, a new relationship for both of us"

"Well I think you got that covered haven't you?"

"Why are you being like this? I thought you were dating that man Gordon from your work?"

"Things change, it didn't work out"

"Neither did we…I'm going to go get a lawyer first thing tomorrow and start this off" Castiel said in a final tone.

"Fine, see if I care" she said cutting the call off and throwing her phone down in anger. Castiel stared at the phone confused and sighed running a hand into his hair messing it up even further not seeing Dean walk out to him.

"How did it go?" he questioned grabbing his wrist and tugging him to his chest.

"It went awful…she was acting really strange. I thought she would be up for ending this marriage but she sounded so…weird with me" he said trailing off as he replayed the conversation in his head.

"Well the sooner it is over the better" Dean murmured softly.

Castiel smirked wrapping his arms around his neck kissing him hard.

"Shall I go put your t-shirt on?"

"I thought you wanted to go out" he whispered nibbling across his jaw.

"Sex or food?" he replied innocently.

"Both" Dean said not selecting one of his favourite things in the world. "Anyway, not to burst your bubble but I just got off the phone with Sam and..,"

"Babysitting"

"Yeah, he wants to take Jess out because it's one of their anniversary's so that means we have little MJ all night" Dean said with a grimace.

Castiel sighed deeply and then nodded. "Hold on, she's only what? Two weeks old?"

"I know but it was actually Jess who suggested it" Dean said with a shrug. "It comes with a long list of instructions and they're on their way here now"

"And you wanted to go out?"

Dean rolled his eyes at the accusation poking him hard in the nose. "One week and I see our arguments are on the horizon, I reckon we could have some big ones"

"But the make-up sex would be fantastic" Castiel murmured blushing slightly as a memory of being thrown up against a wall in anger a while ago came back to him.

"Well I look forward to our epic battle" Dean teased him letting go and going to get the bedroom ready. Castiel sighed happily glancing to his phone wondering what was up with Anna.

~0~

"You watch her every minute of the day and night! Remember that list and stick to it" Jess ordered him as Dean passed Mary-Jane to Castiel. Castiel held her close smiling when she looked up at him alarmed.

"Hello" he whispered with a smile.

Dean watched them feeling his heart grow fonder before turning back to a flustered Jess.

"Promise me!"

"I promise to take care of my niece, my family, one of the most important people in my life! Sam, tell her" Dean said spinning around to see Sam coming out of his bedroom.

"Honey, Dean will be fine, you know he will"

"She's two weeks old…I don't like this" she whined fluttering her fingers at her daughter.

"I know but the sooner you try leaving her, the better it will get when she is older" Sam reassured her gently.

"Bullshit" she said with a pout. Sam laughed kissing her softly and turning to face them.

"Uncles, remember the list, her cot is in your room, her milk is all ready and just needs to be heated and just keep her alive"

Dean rolled his eyes at them folding his arms crossly. "I am her uncle! I know how to take care of her, I am not an invalid and I have Cas to help me"

"I know" Jess said with a sigh wandering over to him and kissing Mary-Jane. "Mummy loves you sweetheart"

"Go" Castiel said waving her little hand at her as Jess sniffed pouting turning to Sam who held out his hand to her.

"We'll be back at like 10am tomorrow for her"

"She'll be fine!" Dean cried waving them off.

Castiel stared at Mary-Jane as she sucked on her pacifier staring up at him and around the room. Dean shut the door shaking his head.

"I'm older than them two and they're telling me to keep her alive"

"You are a little immature" Castiel replied jiggling her a little.

Dean gaped at him shaking his head. "You are just looking for a fight aren't you?"

Castiel grinned at him as he carefully sat down holding her head and turning on the television to cartoons.

"So what do we do with a two week old baby?"

"We feed her in about twenty minutes, keep her entertained and around 6 we put her down for a sleep" Dean said simply sitting down next to him. Castiel smiled supporting her in the crook of his arm as he turned cartoons on. Dean watched them carefully and felt something deep down pull at his stomach at what he saw. Dean had always dreamed of having a family and even though these thoughts were way, way, too early for the both of them he couldn't deny wanting that kind of future.

Castiel stared down at her holding out his finger which she clutched tight in her little fist as she sucked on her pacifier.

"She's so beautiful"

"She looks like Sam when he was a baby"

"Really?" Castiel said glancing up to him.

"Yeah, he was a cute kid" Dean said moving his hand over brushing his hand into her hair. "She'll be beautiful when she's older"

"Men can get broody" Castiel said with a smirk looking up to Dean.

"You want kids?"

Castiel sighed deeply pausing for a moment bringing Mary-Jane up to stand and gazed at her.

"Once maybe, it was in the beginning with Anna. It was all happiness, new start, new house, and I guess in my head I dreamed of a house, a wife, two little children and a dog like a traditionalist"

Dean drew his hand up and over the couch playing with Cas' hair as he listened.

"I wanted a little boy or girl to look after, care for, to be a father" Castiel said bringing her forward and kissing her forehead as she grizzled.

"What made it fade?"

"My sexuality" Castiel murmured sitting her in his lap supporting her back carefully. "A gay man in a sham marriage bringing in children wasn't fair to them or anyone else"

"Do you still want kids?" Dean asked quietly.

He turned to face him surprised and shrugged. "Maybe but I think it's too early for that kind of talk, Dean"

"I know but…" he stopped when Mary-Jane's pacifier fell out and she let out a wail. "Oh, looks like someone is hungry"

"Remember, Dean, stick to the list" he teased holding her close and shushing her as Dean went off to get her milk. Castiel felt his face flush at the topic of their conversation and knew it was so early to talk about having children but he knew he wanted it, not now, but one day.

"MJ, shush that noise" Dean called to them as she wailed loudly for her food.

"Oh dear" Castiel murmured getting up and walking her up and down gently. Dean tested it on his arm before walking over and handing it to him.

"Sit down with her" Dean said instructing him and handing him the bottle again. He watched as Castiel imitated opening his mouth and sliding it in as she suckled. Dean bit his lip walking away feeling a little giddy, he gave off the appearance he hated kids but deep down he did love them.

The rest of the evening rolled pleasantly for the both of them as Mary-Jane nodded off and on for her naps and woke up screaming for a change.

"That is your area" Dean grimaced against the smell as Castiel changed her.

"You are such a wimp, Dean" Castiel said with a sigh.

"I'm not! I just don't like the pooping" he said fidgeting nervously.

Castiel frowned at him as he wrapped it in a bag chucking it at him, Dean caught it and cringed dropping it in the bin.

"Oh very mature" he scolded when Castiel dressed her in her sleeping suit.

"Yes, now come on, it's 6pm and this little one is tired"

Dean nodded going into the bedroom and closing the curtains. Castiel followed him as he turned the lamp on sitting on the bed looking up to expectantly.

"Do you want to put her asleep?"

Dean nodded holding out his arms for her as Castiel passed her over with a small smile. Castiel could only watch as Dean gently soothed her as she whimpered and cried in his arms restless and sleepy. His heart beat strong in his chest filled with the overwhelming love and affection for this man who held his niece and rocked her to sleep.

"I couldn't love you anymore than I do right now" he murmured gently. Dean looked up at him eyes soft with emotion and smirked.

"I think you could"

Castiel smiled in return looking down to her as her eyes drifted close and she squeezed his finger as he sang to her softly. Dean carefully placed her down in her cot backing away and breathing out shakily.

"Well she's alive" he murmured turning to him and laughing silently in relief when Castiel kissed him.

"We did alright for our first time"

"Jess and Sam will be proud of us immature uncles"

"You are immature, Dean, not me" Castiel murmured holding out his hand and creeping silently out of the room.

They sat down on the sofa together, Dean turned on his side as Castiel curled inwards to him closing his eyes.

"I feel drained"

"So do I and we only have her half the day…babies are hard work" Dean replied with a small yawn muffled by his hair.

"Dean?"

He hummed closing his eyes sensing him move up and tap his cheek gently.

"Did you mean what you said before about children? It is too soon but…"

"Cas, I was just curious and I know it is, we've only been officially dating a week, dude. It's not like I'm proposing to you"

Castiel raised an amused eyebrow at him when he sighed pressing two hands over his eyes laughing.

"I'm just planning a future here, this is what you have done to me" he murmured shaking his head amazed. "Cas, I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I had never met you"

"It's a good job I gave into my desire then isn't it"

"Your hidden desire actually" Dean murmured in reply with a secret smile. "You would still be married and I would still be a rent-boy"

"It's insane what can change in a certain amount of weeks"

"You hitting rock bottom" Dean said regretfully looking up to him.

"It's happens, Dean, it happened to me. I didn't go through with it"

"Good" Dean said forcefully poking him. "Or I would have kicked your ass, don't you ever think of leaving me"

"I promise" he said with a soft chuckle. "I do want a future with you, Dean, I want to move away with you, I want a family with you"

"One day" Dean said bringing him closer kissing him gently. Castiel responded kissing him back and smiling into their kiss.

"In about four hours she'll wake up for her feed"

"The joy" Dean joked against his lips kissing him slowly. "I suppose we better get used to it…you know…for our litter"

Castiel laughed quietly against his cheek finally knowing what happiness felt like, this was it, this lying in his arms and was his future. It scared him to death but that's the thing about meeting someone who made your whole wide world in a moment come undone.

This was their path and they saved each other in their own way and it all started with just one hidden desire.

**A/N: Oh. I think this might be it! I may do a future chapter but that's up to you, I always ask this at the end but I don't want to ruin it. **

**If you want a future chapter to see how they're doing then just say and your wish will be granted! (I put the title in it, ha! I just had to do it) **

**Enjoy my beautiful readers.**


	17. Personal note

Personal note.

I am not going to do a future chapter because I feel like it just ended perfectly! I don't want to ruin it by doing another chapter but for people who felt some things were left unresolved.

In my head:

The reason Anna was acting all strange was because she secretly didn't want to get divorced and felt like her whole life had been turned upside down while Castiel's worked out perfectly.

Sam did find out about Dean's job two years into Cas and Dean's relationship after a drunken night out where it all came spilling out and it took a month for them to get talking again after Dean explained and explained and explained to him why he did it. Sam would eventually forgive him and they would start paying the money back to him.

If you want I could do a sequel to this! A few people suggested it and I was thinking of doing a kid fic after this story so I can either do that or start a brand new one.

I didn't just want to leave it here with a few things unresolved so here's my personal note/chapter.


End file.
